I have moments in which my mind is so overwhelmed by emotions. When my head becomes such a mess that I don’t even know where to start when I want to clean it up. I don’t know which emotions to grab onto. Often, it’s just because I need something to occupy the time ahead of me. Other times, it’s out of boredom. But all the time it leads to overthinking and that, for me, is never good.
When I overthink, my vocabulary only expands to ‘what if’s’ and ‘I bet this will go wrong’ and ‘I wonder if anyone will notice the bags under my eyes because I was too busy worrying about the little things instead of doing the normal thing, that is getting some sleep.’ I realized there is no such thing as positivity in overthinking.
I overthink texts, because so many boys have tricked me before. I overthink what to wear, how to style my hair, what looks casual but not lazy. What looks attractive but not like I’m trying too hard. I overthink how flirty I should act because I don’t want to look desperate, like I’m trying too hard, like I’m dying for their attention.
I seriously overthink about the stupidest things, like what to post on my social media and what not to post because I worry of being judged before getting to know me better. I overthink when writing my blog posts. I’m overthinking right now, writing this. What if I use the wrong word and some of my grammar isn’t right? So I re-read every paragraph over and over again. Or what if none of this make sense to anyone reading. What if this was just a waste of time. I bet this was all for nothing and I wonder if anyone is going to notice that at this point I’m just rambling for the sake of getting words down?
That’s what overthinking feels like. It’s the need to fill that empty space in my head with something, anything, just as long as it isn’t empty anymore. Just as long as it gives me something to think about. It’s over analyzing something so little and tiny that it eventually becomes so much bigger and more haunting than before. It’s not knowing when to stop and not knowing if you’ll wake up in the morning with the same thoughts in your head. The doubts, the worry following you around as you go on with your day.
Did I just overthink about overthinking?
I think, I got this habit from my father. He does overthink about everything…and I mean everything, no matter how little the situation is, and it drives me insane. I realized, I do the same thing. I worry a little too much. I don’t know how long I have been doing it. But last night, overthinking got the best of me that I had to write about it.
According to my father, overthinking isn’t all bad. It means, you’re the type of person that is always prepared. No matter what life throws at you, you find a way to handle it.
Is that really true?