Dear Souls Like Mine

What’s in that heart of yours that dare not speak? That you’ve been told to ignore it. To pretend it’s not there. But ignoring it is like choosing a lighter sword.

And what comes from turning our back on the heaviness inside? It destroys us.

You have to face it. You have to face the heaviness. Because the heaviness is what’s keeping you from being who you really are.

Embrace it. Look into your heart with clear eye and move with it.

Let out the girl you are inside. The girl who we’ve never known. The girl who’s never dare step into the light. Face the heaviness that’s stopping that girl and NAME IT!

It’s not the pain that ruins us. It’s the things we do to avoid the pain.

“I fear it might break me” we think it!

Then break. Break! Let it crack you open. Let yourself be forged in the vessel of your own agony. Transformed into the most perfect instrument of destiny. For that’s what I sense your are.

The dots may not all connect right away, and your path may look a lot more like a spider web than a line, but you are still growing and you are still moving forward even when life is hard. Even when still you’ve got that heaviness inside.

On the hard days, it’s okay if you can’t show up. It’s okay if you can’t fully share your heart with the world. Some days are for looking inward and for coping. And that’s okay.

If you can embrace the fullness of your pain. Your source of the heaviness. You can embrace the fullness of that energy, that power and know who you truly are. What you truly want in life.

Maybe we can use this #quarantine period to name it..name them..write down if possible…all the things that you feel have gotten your heart so heavy through the years. Maybe just having them named and written down, could be a start of soul search.

#liveandlearn #staysafe #havefaith #weareallinthistogether

“Hurt people, Hurt People…” they say!

They tell you to forgive the people that have hurt you.

They tell you that those people are suffering and that’s why they hurt other people.

They tell you that you need to forgive them to free yourself from your own suffering.

They tell you to forgive, move on, and let life serve everyone what they best deserve.

They tell you to forgive like forgiving is as easy as taking your next breath.

They tell you to forgive, but they don’t realize that sometimes the people that hurt you are not suffering.

They tell you to forgive but they don’t realize that some people will never comprehend the pain they’ve inflicted onto others; they will never hold themselves accountable for the repercussions of their actions.

They think forgiveness is simply letting things be because eventually everything will be fair.

Sometimes the people that have hurt you will not even feel a fraction of what they’ve caused. They will not feel remorse; they will continue to live their lives as if you were a blimp in theirs.

Forgiveness is the acceptance of the fact that some people can be toxic and also be fully aware of it and not give two fucks about the echoes of their actions.

How you receive that echo is what forgiveness really is.

#liveandlearn

 

 

Crazy How Many Burdens Aren’t Even Your Own. You Inherited Them.

I came across this quote right here: “Family dysfunction is like a fire in the woods that rolls generation to generation taking everything in its path until one person has the courage to face the flame. That person brings peace to his/her ancestors and spares those to follow.”

Whether you want it or not, your parents plant mental and emotional seeds in you. And these seeds grow as you do…I kid you not. In some families, they are seeds of love, respect and independence. But not in all of them. In many others, they are seeds of fear, obligation or guilt.

I believe some parents treat their kids the way ‘their parents’ treated them or rather how the universe treated them at some point in life inflicting some sort of negative patterns of behaviors, and before you know it, you, as the child, get engulfed into unhealable scars that spreads throughout your being, and as you grow, so does the pain.

Familial toxicity is often something that children only realize exists after they reach adulthood. It is such a difficult, hidden, self-blaming psychological situation that actively resists being discovered—and you’ve got to be grown to untangle the reality of what happened to you.

I don’t have children of my own yet. But how I was raised had its limitations, and there are certain things I plan to do differently when I have kids of my own. I look forward to breaking free from so many generational traumas for the sake of my children with no doubt.

#Liveandlearn

Knowing The Difference Between Who To Cut Off And Who To Be Patient With – Is Everything

I read this quote somewhere and it got me thinking. Sometimes we care and love too much that letting go becomes an agonizing state of mind. Not only in intimate relationships, but in friendships and even to our family members.

We care excessively for certain individuals because they ‘gave us life’. Because ‘we share the bond of blood’. Because, ‘I’m in love with him/her‘. Because ‘the kind of friendship I have with her/him, is the kind where, they wrong me and when we meet again, it’s like nothing happened. We are the best-est of friends.” 

Okay, maybe you are a forgive and forget type of person, which is fine. Because taking things too personal will ruin you, not them. But remember when the people you love the most, know you as such, most of them will tend to over-use your emotions. They will tear you apart, mold you back, tear you apart again, mold you back…..to an never ending cycle. Because they are family. Because he/she’s my best friend. Because he/she is the love of my life.

One of my biggest problems is that I’m constantly torn between cutting people off and being patient with them. Sometimes it’s hard to tell who you have to go through a storm with in order to see the sunshine, and who’s just toxic and not meant to be in your life.

So honestly, I can’t tell you how to know the difference. But what I can leave you with is, be careful with your health, stay focused, remember that some people can be loved from a distance, be patient with your feelings..pay attention to the way people treat you and take notes….soon enough you will know who you deserve and you will be able to tell the difference.

#LiveandLearn

 

 

Do We Need Somebody Just To Feel Like We’re Alright?

I heard this topic from a song by; “Dua Lipa – Scared to be lonely” And it got me thinking, do we really need somebody to feel like we’re alright? Cause we are scared to be lonely?. That’s what the lyrics say.

You’ve all heard of the old adage “You have to be okay alone before you can be happy with somebody else.” I understand the premise behind this but I don’t enjoy the message. We’re telling people they don’t deserve connection, belonging and love if they are not first 100% satisfied when they’re on their own. Do we really believe that?

I believe that there is a difference between ‘taking sometime off or cutting people who you think don’t deserve your time in this world’. That is okay for any human to go through with that. Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. But remember, there is no such thing as bad people. We’re all just people who sometimes do bad things.

But at the end of the day, we all need a somebody to make us feel like we’re alright. Nobody exists in a vacuum – and nobody succeeds in one either. There’s so much to be said about the ways we can inspire each other to be bigger, stronger, better versions of ourselves – versions we could never have become on our own.

We have the infinite resource of each other at our disposal – people who have been through what we’ve been through, faced down our same demons, risen above them and are ready to share their strategies. To deny ourselves this opportunity would be madness.

We all require love – the strong, the weak, the fearless, the meek, the lost, the found, the whole and the broken. Anyone who’s ever risen above a period of struggle in their life knows this. Just be careful not fall in the trap of needing someone, who doesn’t need you.

#liveandlearn

 

 

Relationships Through The Eyes Of Social Media

Rosie Culture

Social media is a place where we constantly see new relationships forming. Brittany is now in a relationship with Bob on Facebook! Look at their kissing pictures on Instagram! Look at them tweet relationship goals at each other on Twitter! Look at her pin date ideas on Pinterest!

I grew up with an obsession with social media.  It started with Myspace where I had like 4,000 friends and all the attention I wasn’t getting in middle school was coming through the internet. From there, I was getting tweets as text messages to my EnV flip phone.  I eventually got to join the Facebook world (which I hated because…Myspace forever). I had a Pinterest, joined Klout, downloaded Snapchat, and Instagram – I immersed myself into the social media culture.

When I got my first boyfriend at 16, all I wanted to do was share it with the social media world.  My…

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Gosh. Some Guys Though!

Some guys though, they love to cook and can even cook better than many girls, but will never cook as long as a female friend or girlfriend is around. Some will come to the kitchen but instead of helping or being sweet, they make you feel like your mama didn’t train you well.

I remember my ex always bragged about cooking better than I do and even his brothers and friends say he is a great cook but in three years of our relationship I never tasted this guy’s food, not even indomie!

Abeg, a man that will avoid his hobby just to put a woman in her place, is that one a man? And we still have them in this century. Worse is when you hear some overgrown boys saying that delusional phrase “issa man’s world.”

Lol!

What about the guys that love to shake hands over and over with fellow guys but always ignore to shake hands with the ladies in the midst.

I mean how can you walk into a lounge, shake hands with my male colleague (whom you are also meeting for the first time), even have a 4 seconds chat with him, wave at me like I’m deaf and dumb kid, then shake and greet the guy sitting after me. Who does that?

Weak ass guys. Some think that’s the safest way to greet and avoid awkward moments but it simply means they have no balls.

Talking about ass and balls. Why is it hard for guys to take it that a boxer or any underwear in contact with their ass and balls and stuff, should not be worn for more than a day and half. They will be the ones monitoring a girl’s level of neatness but they don’t even own more than four boxers. Some combine their boxes as house shorts and wear it for days before changing.

Men need to know that women see boxers the same way men see panties, so we expect them to be changed and washed very often and not to be smelling like prison sex.

Lmao…prison sex? How did you know the smell?

If you want to know, go an accidentally sniff on a five days worn boxers of a man who hasn’t shaved in two months.

Gosh. Some guys though…

 

 

Maybe I Had To Make All These Bad Choices So I Can Finally Understand My Own Heart

My dad told me that I should wait for the man who can give me the world; a man who could love me the way he loves me but he always made me feel like I was never good enough.

My mom always told me pick the one who loves you more because loving too much can break you and you should always play it safe but then she followed her heart and never her own advice.

My friends always told me pick the one who is sure about you but then they all chased after the guys they wanted.

And I listened to all of them, I picked the man who wanted to give me the world but it was a world I didn’t want to live in — a world I didn’t belong to. And then I picked the one who loved me more but I always felt like I was settling because my heart didn’t flutter every time I saw him and my eyes didn’t see my future in his.

And then I went for the one who was sure about me only to drown in my own uncertainty and it never felt right. It never felt natural. So I stopped. And I decided that I’ll forget what they told me and listen to the beat of my heart because sometimes I’m the only one who can hear its rhythm and sometimes I’m the only one who can hear the music and maybe I had to make all these bad choices so I can finally understand that no matter what anyone says my heart will always choose love and it won’t be defined by anyone other than me. And maybe all these bad choices enlightened me to find a new meaning and a kind of love I can understand. A kind that makes sense to me even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else

#liveandlearn

Beautifully Chaotic

Don’t let anybody tell you about love

What do they know?

Don’t let anybody tell you that true love doesn’t exist. It probably just means they had a bad experience. But, don’t let them tell you it’s fairy tale either. It just means that they’ve gotten lucky.

You have to figure love out on your own. There is no definition for love. It isn’t like an elementary vocab word.

Just like our finger prints, love is different for everyone.

Love can be either beautiful or chaotic. Or it can be beautifully chaotic.

#liveandlearn

Life Can Be Unkind But Only Sometimes

I like to think that for every bad thing that happens, something good will find its way to you. Because life is not meant to add up, it’s not meant to have a final answer and it’s not meant to be all figured out.

Life is not meant to go one way or the other. It’s not meant to be black or white. It will always confuse us and take us by surprise. It will always ambush us with situations we were not prepared for. It may sometimes be too much to handle and sometimes too beautiful to forget. Sometimes it’s going to be on our side and everything will align perfectly and sometimes it will elude us. It will fool us. It will play the worst tricks on us.

But I like to think that we also know how to adapt. We know how to change, grow and evolve so we can keep up with life. We know how to fall down then stand back up. We know how to fail then start over. We know how to bounce back from the hardest setbacks. We know how to survive.

Life can be more powerful than us but we still know how to win. We know how to battle. We know how to fight back.

So maybe we just need to slow down. Stop running. Stop chasing. Stop trying too hard and stop choosing to suffer because of what others put us through or what life did to us.

#liveandlearn