What I Do When I Fall Into This Trap Of Feeling Like A Failure.

Do you ever feel like you’re not accomplishing everything that you want to get done? On my 18th birthday , I ran into my bedroom, closed the door and cried for an hour.

Why? I thought I had turned 18th and had not accomplishes anything in my life. Seriously. True story. I remember it so vividly. In retrospect, that notion seemed ridiculous. I was just 18. I was very young, Then again, similar thoughts ran across my mind when I turned 21, 25. I turned 28 last month and the same feelings came over me.

Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough with your life? And what do you do when you fall into this trap of feeling like a failure?

This is what do;

1. I make a list of things you have accomplished

Oftentimes we forget our success and we probably have done more than we realize. A visual reminder of these accomplishments can do wonders for one’s confidence. Write down even the small accomplishments or things you might take for granted like graduating from college or owning a car….I write any little thing I felt proud doing it. And when I see all the things I have done, i never utter these words again “I haven’t accomplished anything.”

2. I remind myself that I should not compare myself to other people

The reality is that there will always be someone more successful than you, who is better looking than you and so on and forth. Letting envy rear its ugly head is unhealthy and detracts from your own accomplishments. I remind myself that my journey in life is unique and that I should not be defined by other people’s success.

3. I count my blessings

The other side of the coin is that there will always be someone else who is worse off than you. Someone else is less successful than you, makes less money than you and so on. As much as I complain about my life at times when things are tough, I make it a habit to be thankful each day. Gratitude is a great weapon to defeat discontentment.

4. I got my ultimate cheerleader

You may have friends and family members that may be the hard to please types. I know how this can make you feel. If you listen to them long enough and are surrounded by their negativity, it’s only natural that you buy into anything critical they are saying about you. At least have one friend that is your ultimate cheerleader. We all need that person that will say “I’m proud of you! You’re doing great! I believe in you”. Thank you boyfriend because that affirmation is always my lifeline. We all need that person who will always see the silver lining and tell us that the cup is half full. Don’t ever underestimate the power of moral support.

5. I focus my energy on helping others

Sharing this post is one way of how I have used my energy today. I believe that when you turn attention away from yourself, once in a while, you won’t dwell on what you feel are your own shortcomings.

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If you are reading this..I hope it has helped you.

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Gosh. Some Guys Though!

Some guys though, they love to cook and can even cook better than many girls, but will never cook as long as a female friend or girlfriend is around. Some will come to the kitchen but instead of helping or being sweet, they make you feel like your mama didn’t train you well.

I remember my ex always bragged about cooking better than I do and even his brothers and friends say he is a great cook but in three years of our relationship I never tasted this guy’s food, not even indomie!

Abeg, a man that will avoid his hobby just to put a woman in her place, is that one a man? And we still have them in this century. Worse is when you hear some overgrown boys saying that delusional phrase “issa man’s world.”

Lol!

What about the guys that love to shake hands over and over with fellow guys but always ignore to shake hands with the ladies in the midst.

I mean how can you walk into a lounge, shake hands with my male colleague (whom you are also meeting for the first time), even have a 4 seconds chat with him, wave at me like I’m deaf and dumb kid, then shake and greet the guy sitting after me. Who does that?

Weak ass guys. Some think that’s the safest way to greet and avoid awkward moments but it simply means they have no balls.

Talking about ass and balls. Why is it hard for guys to take it that a boxer or any underwear in contact with their ass and balls and stuff, should not be worn for more than a day and half. They will be the ones monitoring a girl’s level of neatness but they don’t even own more than four boxers. Some combine their boxes as house shorts and wear it for days before changing.

Men need to know that women see boxers the same way men see panties, so we expect them to be changed and washed very often and not to be smelling like prison sex.

Lmao…prison sex? How did you know the smell?

If you want to know, go an accidentally sniff on a five days worn boxers of a man who hasn’t shaved in two months.

Gosh. Some guys though…

 

 

#blog, #blogging, #randomwriting, #ranting, #rants, #wordpress

Maybe I Had To Make All These Bad Choices So I Can Finally Understand My Own Heart

My dad told me that I should wait for the man who can give me the world; a man who could love me the way he loves me but he always made me feel like I was never good enough.

My mom always told me pick the one who loves you more because loving too much can break you and you should always play it safe but then she followed her heart and never her own advice.

My friends always told me pick the one who is sure about you but then they all chased after the guys they wanted.

And I listened to all of them, I picked the man who wanted to give me the world but it was a world I didn’t want to live in — a world I didn’t belong to. And then I picked the one who loved me more but I always felt like I was settling because my heart didn’t flutter every time I saw him and my eyes didn’t see my future in his.

And then I went for the one who was sure about me only to drown in my own uncertainty and it never felt right. It never felt natural. So I stopped. And I decided that I’ll forget what they told me and listen to the beat of my heart because sometimes I’m the only one who can hear its rhythm and sometimes I’m the only one who can hear the music and maybe I had to make all these bad choices so I can finally understand that no matter what anyone says my heart will always choose love and it won’t be defined by anyone other than me. And maybe all these bad choices enlightened me to find a new meaning and a kind of love I can understand. A kind that makes sense to me even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else

#liveandlearn

#betrayal, #blogging, #heartache, #heartbreak, #learning-my-own-heart, #love, #love-quotes, #my-concepts, #relationships

Beautifully Chaotic

Don’t let anybody tell you about love

What do they know?

Don’t let anybody tell you that true love doesn’t exist. It probably just means they had a bad experience. But, don’t let them tell you it’s fairy tale either. It just means that they’ve gotten lucky.

You have to figure love out on your own. There is no definition for love. It isn’t like an elementary vocab word.

Just like our finger prints, love is different for everyone.

Love can be either beautiful or chaotic. Or it can be beautifully chaotic.

#liveandlearn

#beautifully-chaotic, #love, #quotes, #relationship-quotes, #relationship-talks, #truth-and-love

Life Can Be Unkind But Only Sometimes

I like to think that for every bad thing that happens, something good will find its way to you. Because life is not meant to add up, it’s not meant to have a final answer and it’s not meant to be all figured out.

Life is not meant to go one way or the other. It’s not meant to be black or white. It will always confuse us and take us by surprise. It will always ambush us with situations we were not prepared for. It may sometimes be too much to handle and sometimes too beautiful to forget. Sometimes it’s going to be on our side and everything will align perfectly and sometimes it will elude us. It will fool us. It will play the worst tricks on us.

But I like to think that we also know how to adapt. We know how to change, grow and evolve so we can keep up with life. We know how to fall down then stand back up. We know how to fail then start over. We know how to bounce back from the hardest setbacks. We know how to survive.

Life can be more powerful than us but we still know how to win. We know how to battle. We know how to fight back.

So maybe we just need to slow down. Stop running. Stop chasing. Stop trying too hard and stop choosing to suffer because of what others put us through or what life did to us.

#liveandlearn

#life, #my-concepts, #this-thing-called-life, #thoughts-and-feelings

Being a Ride or Die Chick Has No Difference From Writing “I’m a fool” Across Your Forehead

“How many burdens of his boyhood will you carry for your comfort, despite yours? How many untrustworthy situations will you jump over, with an uncertain hope that maybe he’ll grow out of putting both of you in them? How many of your satisfactions will you facilitate while yours are left unaddressed?”

These are the questions I ask myself when my girlfriend tells me. “I bear with him, because he is my ride or die.” “You don’t know what we’ve been through.” “This is a ride or die type of relationship and you wouldn’t understand,” she says.

Truthfully, when I watched Love and Hiphop Atlanta for the first time, that’s when the concept of ‘Ride or Die’ rubbed me wrong. I winced at Mimi’s semi-emotional scene with the rest of the world as she poured her heart out to K.Michelle about Stevie’s baby fiasco with Joseline. Part of me wanted to feel sympathetic for her, I mean no woman wants to hear that her man has gotten someone else pregnant, but then again was Stevie even qualified to be called anyone’s man at all? I mean his penis pretty much seemed to be public property. Then, I thought woah, Mimi was way too calm. This probably wasn’t the first time that had happened. *sigh*

Ride or die chicks have been around since the beginning of time, Bible days if you will (go read the story of Sarah and Abraham if you need proof). Before they were known as “ride or dies”, they were simply known as women who stood by their men and didn’t dip out at the first sign of stormy weather. Somewhere around the 2000s (i think), we were introduced to the term “ride or die chick”, and since then all hell has broken loose. Good women who once stood by their men in the face of normal adversity such as financial hardships, sickness, etc. were now being expected to toss all of their God-given sense out of the window and stick by their man no matter how ridiculous the foolishness is that he brings to her doorstep. This term has been marketed and romanticized by music, novels, and television to the point where it is sickening. Women eventually began to proudly rock their ride or die titles as if it were some Girl Scout’s badge of honor, which was no different than writing “I’m a fool” across their foreheads because riding for a man through any and everything is downright foolish. Every woman should draw the line somewhere.

Women have many different reasons riding with their men through the craziest of situations, the most sincere reason being love. Let’s go back to Stevie J and Mimi. While I believed that Mimi loved Stevie, I couldn’t help but think that there had to be another driving motive accompanied by love that kept her stagnant in that relationship. The disrespect that Stevie demonstrates over and over was unlike anything I had ever witnessed before.

What I will say is that the man who came up with the “ride or die” philosophy is absolutely ingenious. He’s convinced women world wide to give their all only to receive crap in return. Sticking by your man through hard times is one thing, but allowing him to make you his fool is something else. To be a good woman who stands by her man is admirable, to be a ride or die is foolish. Sometimes staying isn’t what makes you strong, but knowing your worth and deciding that you won’t tolerate abuse or disrespect. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is important, but once a mistake becomes a habit it is time to reevaluate.

Think straight ladies!

#liveandlearn

#being-in-love, #controlling-relationships, #love, #my-concepts, #relationship-talks, #ride-or-die, #toxic-love, #toxic-relationships, #unhealthy-relationships

Love Don’t Change. We Do.

I have been in love. Though I never really understood how much that word weighed until I started carrying it in my pockets. I have marveled at how it sunk deep into my vocabulary and took over every syllable left in my mouth. I tried so hard to plan out the confession and the speech I would deliver so beautifully. But that word, with all its weight, foiled those plans.

Things changed quicker than I could exhale a breath. I was in the middle before I saw it all begin. And that’s how fast love happens. It doesn’t politely knock on your door, or mail itself to you in an envelope, waiting to be opened. It just storms through your life and steals you.

It’s funny when I think back on it now. How careful we both were. How much those words weighed. How we exhausted them for the next couple of months, saying them over and over, texting and typing those words out so perfectly, reminding one another again and again and again.

Now when I look at him, I say the words silently. When he goes in for a hug, I dodge him like a bee. I cower. I pull back. I tuck that love back in my pockets and continue to let it weigh me down. It makes a campsite in my heart, burning veins to keep itself warm, destroying me from the inside out.

It burns to speak to him. It burns to breathe around him. My body is a smoky entry. My mouth tastes of hurtful words and emotions I expelled carelessly. We don’t say much when we see each other. We weave everything into our silences.

Sometimes you can REALLY love a person, and still understand that you’re not right for them. Sometimes you can hurt and be sad and miss a person AND still choose to not be with him. It takes great bravery to decide to let someone you love go in hopes you’ll both find what you truly need. It feels like you’re going crazy, but in the end, you will thank yourself.

Don’t ever let love be a crutch. Love doesn’t mean you’re a perfect match. It just means you have a good heart and maybe it’s time to give it to someone else. Because love doesn’t always change. We just have to.

#LiveandLearn

 

 

#being-in-your-twenties, #blog, #love, #my-concepts, #relationship, #twenties-love