Are we fucking or having sex?

Hi, I am watching a series and above is the title of one of the episodes. It made me think really deep. Is there a difference? Whether you are fucking or just having sex? How do you describe fucking? and how do you describe having sex?

Are you making love if….you’re doing it on a heart-shaped bed covered in rose petals.

Are you fucking if….you’re doing it in a bathroom stall at a bar.

Are you making love if….you’re  doing it to the slow romantic sex music, am sure everyone has the kind of music they love when getting it on.

Are you fucking if….You’re doing it to Pitbull’s music.

Okay Okay, I’ll admit it…I just sort made these up. But they’re are mostly true.

I’d say, most people likely look at fucking as completely void of emotion, while making love involves, you know, love. However, i think it is possible to fuck someone you are in love with and it will be awesome. It is possible to make love to someone you are not in love with but only if you are high on weed or ecstasy and it is possible for one person to be making love while the other is fucking, usually the one making love does not realize he/she is being fucked by the other.

Take, for example, from the series am watching, a web series, John who plays an impossibly loveable dickweed, is most definetly fucking Kristen. But Kristen is just having sex with him. She’s not in love with him and doesn’t even seem to be enjoying herself, but he’s hot and having sex with him is better than staying home watching movies. She keeps fucking different men to find the romance she’s looking for, someone who will literally take her breathe away whether it will be fucking, making love or having sex. Hope she does by the end of the series, can’t wait. Maybe she will help me discover the truth on this one.

Most women think that making love usually means doing it slowly and with eye contact.Though I must say,I personally feel more connecton when there is eye contact. But someone could be looking you straight in the eye while slowly fucking you brains out. That sounds kinda hot. And some men think, fucking- you just wanna get straight to the business. Drop your pants and her pants and start banging. Until both the spot, zip up and peace out and for sex- you take it slower, foreplay, rub a little and then get down to business and some foreplay afterwards also…lay there…and all that cheesy other stuff.

Is this true?

Well from my experience on both ways, I say whether you’re fucking or making love or having sex, lies in the mind of the fucker or love-maker or sex-haver. You’re fucking if you think you are fucking and you’re making love if you think you’re making love. Speed, location and surroundng smells don’t matter.

According to Kristen, in the series, she said, that she believes ‘making love’ was invented by pastors and church to make the act of intercourse sound pure – Is that true? Go figure.

My advice

If your partner is going to feel more special if you look them in the eyes and grind in slowmo, then why not do it all the time? If she likes it slow, do it slow sometimes. And if he likes it fast, do it fast sometimes. It’s all about give and take when it comes to sex. Who gives a crap what you call it? Whether you do it in the car, at the movies , on the couch or on the heart-shaped bed. Whatever position you want, the dirty talks, it’s all in your mind.Talk to your partner how you love it and that is excatly what they will give you.

Tell me what you consider? Making love Vs fucking? Is there a difference?

Enjoy this one too.




When your boyfriend’s friend whats you.

Oh my, this is always the toughest mistake ever. The worst mistake you can even do to a man. A man can forever hate you if you do this to him. Especially with a childhood friend. These are the Toxic Friends I was talking about. The ones that take advantage of the bad situation you have with your girlfriend and pretend to ‘comfort her”. 

Am not talking about your ex’s friend. Am talking about when you still in a committed relationship with your man who loves you, you love him and yet his friend is too hot, too swaggy, perfect smile, dressing good, yaani his just ‘mwaah’ and he just keeps winking at you, licking his lips for you and trying to send romantic texts to you. ‘Sasa Msupa’  and you don’t mind, you keep entertaining him. I know that to most girls this has happened to them but they are just too selfish to admit it. 

Well,  this has been a day in my life. If you have read my previous love circle seriesMy Neighbor’s Love life- Part 1 (The Perfect Match)My Neighbor’s Love life -Part 2 (Heartbreak and Sadness)My Neighbor’s Love Life – Part 3 (The Curse), I was dating my friend Shamina’s cousin and then we broke up. Is it only me or when you are young you just fall in love for any boy who gives you attention. You don’t care about the looks, the lifestyle, or anything at all. You don’t look into so much like nowadays. You just love. I would want to go back to those days. Love was better than 2016’s love life. Or is it that am growing up? 

Shamina’s Cousin, Onesmus (not his real name) was kind, humble, intelligent, smart, sexy, cute, the list could go on. He was just too nice. But I did not like nice guys, I preferred bad boys. Am sure from my before stories, Should you be with someone whom you love or someone who loves you? and How long can you be a “Friend with benefits” you’ve noticed that. Onesmus and I had a great thing going on until he introduced me to his friends. A crew of 4 boys. They had a name for that crew but I cannot remember. Always together. All day, all night. 

Onesmus was proud to be seen with me, he loved the fact that I was his girl. You know. ‘This is my girl’ was the introduction he used when introducing me to his friends and relatives even to the ‘mama mboga’ next to where he stays. Not that it mattered. It felt so right.

Anyways, I had met these boys before but I did not know them individually because when Onesmus wanted to be with me, he would ditch them. But on this day, he had something to pick from one of them and he had to go meet them. One of them had a pool-table in his house, so that was there hang out joint. Play pool all day. He asked me to take him.

Alas, there was a new member in the crew. Cyrus, Onesmus childhood friend. He looked so good. He was in baggy pants, baggy tee-shirt and old school Jordan’s shoes. The look boys used to try pull back then. He looked very smart to me. He had a magnetic earring on his left ear and his hair was ‘curlkit or is it Blow-out‘. I liked that. Cyrus was very handsome. I mean beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

At this point, my relationship with Onesmus was 6 months old.

I clicked with Cyrus immediately, because he was a loud person, very talkative and excited about life. And that’s when our ‘thing’ started. What is this thing you may ask? According to me ‘a thing relationship’, is where you are not sure if you are an item. You have feelings for each other. Very strong attraction but you are just not sure. You just flirt.

That’s the kind of relationship, I had with Cyrus. Just texting and sexting. We’d text day and night everyday and if we were to meet, it was over ice-cream or movies away from Onesmus, and the rest of the crew. I just loved how he complimented me everyday, how he would wink at me whenever Onesmus was around us and throw in a sweet text message with kissy emoji. I don’t know, but I enjoyed it. It was exciting. But I never cheated on Onesmus.

My relationship with Onesmus was flat, no excitement and he was the quiet guy. On the other hand, Cyrus had sense of humor. He made me laugh. But our relationship wasn’t intimate. It was more emotionally attached relationship. When I had issues, I would always talk to him instead of Onesmus. I felt he knew how to comfort me and make me feel special than how Onesmus did. 

I guess this was why I got my heart broken so many times. Comparing and being choosy. This wasn’t enough, so I always moved on to the next one so fast. 

A secret is only known by one person. ‘Pretty Little Liars’ taught me better. Cyrus told one of his neighbors about me. Coincidentally, the neighbor knew Onesmus. He told Onesmus and said things that I never did with Cyrus. My first ‘being dumped’ scenario. Even when I tried to pin it all on Cyrus, ‘Whore, Slut, Bitch’ were the texts I got from Onesmus. I tried to apologize many times but I guess I stabbed him where it hurts the most. He couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive me. He was too bitter.

As for Cyrus, I felt that was his agenda all along as he never talked to me again. He knew what he was doing when he got close to me and confessed his feelings for me.

With time, I blamed myself because I also let it happen. But I’m glad it didn’t work out with any of them – my next short story

My Advice

If you find yourself in the middle of a complicated situation like mine. You obviously have two choices: tell your boyfriend or keep it from him. I would say that option one is your best bet. Whatever you choose to do is going to come along with consequences, either immediately or possibly in the long-term. Let’s discuss.

Okay, so let’s start with option two: you keep this from your boyfriend and never let him know that his best friend went behind his back to try to sabotage his relationship. If it was guaranteed that your boyfriend would never, ever find out about what happened, fine. All of the friendships would be saved and everything could continue as it was.

However, it’s not guaranteed that your boyfriend will never find out about this. What if he does and finds out that you kept something that huge from him? He’ll probably freak out. Not only will his friendship with the friend be over, but he might even end things with you as well like Onesmus did with me. I felt bad for while that I did that to Onesmus because I hurt him deep. I could see that he was devastated.  He had to deal with the fact that two of the people he was close to kept something big from him.

Option one: you come clean and tell your boyfriend what his friend said. Will it cause a fight between the two of them? Yes, probably. But that’s not your fault! Cyrus knew that what he was doing was wrong – if he really was a good friend to Onesmus, he would never go behind his back to try to steal his girlfriend. 

Honesty is incredibly important in a relationship and that’s why I think you need to tell your boyfriend the truth. Yes, it will hurt him… but I think he’s better off knowing his friend’s true colors. 

Enjoy this one too.







Girls are players – We just don’t know it.

Boys will be boys” is a frequently used phrase – but no one ever really talks about how girls will be girls.

Girls are taught at a young age how to get what they want. We are told that when boys are mean, they like us. Really? Is this true? Why be mean to someone you claim to love? Would you stay in an abusive relationship or marriage because you think his doing that out of love or like? – Go figure!

We are told that being pretty will get you pretty far in life. So do your hair, put on your make up, and always looking your best. We are taught that we hold a special power over men. That is how you get what you want from your man. 

And although we are still often treated as the lesser sex, we do hold a lot of power. A lot of us have learned to harness that power in order to not be the lesser sex.

Yet the boys that will be boys are always the ones that are called out for playing games. For being a player, a bad guy, a phony.

But we all do it – girls just do it in a trickier way.

We don’t openly go around flirting with others and cheating on people and flaunting our power – we do it slyly. Except for some girls who play games out loud and announced, the so called ‘socialite’ who do it in a different way. Posting nudity on social media for attention. Or the girls who are missing something in there lives, Whatever it is, they have to find it.  Or the ones who are still trying to find themselves. For some girls we gain all our power through quiet games instead of loud movements

But I understand that once a girl finds herself, knows what she wants, good career, and has a very good man who is good to her. Trust me, she will settle and she will love, not play games.

It’s exhausting though, to always feel you have to be a certain way to get the attention you need. To be constantly playing games because it’s our only chance of survival. Guys play games for fun  – we play them just to even the playing field.

Whether you know it or not – you’re probably a player. Any time you’re trying to level yourself out by upping your game and being someone other than yourself to get what you want – you’re being a player. It may not be a bad thing, because it may be necessary. But just remember your true self is great, too, and when you get tired of playing you can just be yourself.

Hope you enjoyed reading this.


Toxic Friends

This is not only a chapter in my life but we’ve all experienced or are currently experiencing toxic friendships.

Beware of toxic friends!

Friends that are jealous of your success, your up keep and your life. They always have something to say about you. They are always talking about your life. Always ready to point fingers, laugh and spoil your name when you go wrong.

Friends that are waiting for your downfall. Anytime you try to do something great with your life, they are always trying to bring you down.

Friends that turn the people you surround yourself with against you. It might be at work, at school etc. Because they JUST don’t like you.

Friends that you gave your all, you always help them out, but you got nothing in return. They did not even care about you.

Friends that always wish you bad. They have plans to sabotage your life because you are better than them. You might have been on the same path at some point in life but your blessings were bigger and you took a different road.

Friends that won’t help you get to where you’re going and probably won’t share things with you. They will always tell lies.

Friends that do not care about anyone but themselves. When you are low, they will make you feel lower.

Friends that use you for your kindness. They get close, find your weakness and use it against you. Pretentious friends. 

The list could go on and on.

If you have friends that make you feel like you are loosing bits of yourself, in a negative way, or not helping to build you up, always trying to tear you down, should be gotten rid of. If you cannot tell them directly, simply build a bridge if that’s easier.

Better yet, don’t forget about them – Appreciate them because ‘BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL PERSON, LIES A PACK OF HATERS.’ They don’t know they are your everyday motivation to do better. They push you to the wall, but you climb up the wall to the other side.

Appreciate them because now you know the kind of friends you want in your life.

Such people don’t really hate you, they hate themselves because you’re a reflection of what they wish to be.

Watch out!

Hope you enjoyed reading this.



Should you be with someone whom you love or someone who loves you?

Well it might be better to be in a relationship where the feeling is mutual. But in some circumstances this might not be a practical reality. See, I was and I have ever chosen, ‘the one whom I love’ and things did not end up the way I expected. I had a thing for tall and skinny guys. I was skinny too back then, so i felt it was the perfect match. Definitely, handsome and outgoing. Don’t know why outgoing but I felt like I needed that in my life. You know when puberty hits and you just wanna go YOLO! You just want to fit in!

Anyways, So there he was, had all the qualities, lived next to my hood, so everything went by so fast. I did not even realize when I started feeling him. He would come to my house, I would go to his house, we loved the same genre of movies and he used to also teach me how to play PS. We both loved the free special offers; Wacky Wednesday at steers, terrific Tuesdays at Pizza inn, and if you remember ‘Wimpys’ that was our little date place at least once a week. During these dates, I was the one who was paying all the bills. Sometimes, it used to be 50/50 or he would offer to pay the whole bill but ‘sometimes’ was very rare. I did not mind then because my dad used to give me pocket money weekly.

We would go to Arboretum to just chill and drink or some waterfall in Karen with friends on a Sunday. Or we’d drive with his friends for a weekend to Cray fish, Naivasha or Hell’s gate. His friends were into car rally events and we never missed out. He introduced me to all ‘electro-music’ genre that I enjoy to date and we would go to all the ‘house music related events; 6AM Entertainment, Sunglasses at night, Earth dance, Blankets and wines when there was a house music artists, Smirnoff Ice, Prince-loo, the list goes on. Every weekend ‘Toa Mpango?‘was the text on his phone from his friends. He was the ‘IT’ with parties. He knew where, how much for the tickets, what DJ’s will be playing and even how to get tickets from the back door. We always used drive to where the party called us; Naivasha, Nakuru, all around. For those who have gone for such events, you need to have a ride. But he dint. He was in the cool guys crew. All his hang out buddies had cars. So, we never missed out on anything. We were the hitch-rider couple. But we did not mind. I mean, he was adventurous at his age, we were the same age by the way and I enjoyed that. Loved the different life he was into at that time. This is exactly what I needed when I said, ‘an outgoing guy’. 

I was still the one buying all this tickets for all those parties we would go. Why was I so stupid? I was being used but it just did not matter? I would always have an excuse to tell my dad so that I get money to use on him. Adolescence had hit me proper! If I saved all that money, I would be having an IPHONE now. Hmmph. I would do most of what he wanted and meet up with him any day of the week whether it was a school day or not. 

Thinking and writing about my young days, one thing I know is, I do not regret any road I walked, the only way to get to the finish line was to experience. And hence the title of the blog, ‘living and learning’. Am a beautiful mess, who took so many wrong paths at a young age, walked through them, grew stronger and wiser. I know I will stumble upon more mistakes but this time, I will be cautious. That is the reason why am able to write it out without any boundaries. If you follow my blog, this is what you will see; Bold, true and to the point. I am not shy to put it out there.

Anyways, this young Kamba guy, never paid much attention to me. Even through all those parties, he was always paying attention to other girls then when the night was almost over, that’s when he looked for me. I wonder what I meant to him. Was it pretense? Was I just naive? Or was I trying to fit in? Should I say I loved him or I just liked him too much? His life was more fun than mine and that is why I joined the crew which I couldn’t not afford. I did so many wrong things and even went against my parents rules taking things out of control. My relationship between me and my dad crumbled so bad because of this silly, young, outgoing, stupid, selfish, pretentious, kamba gene. ‘Shindwe!

To break away from the pack, I took a long long long vacation to ‘gichagi or ocha’ (Born-town), to be with my mother. She kicked some lost senses in me and I broke up with him. I sent him a long text, pouring out how he was a mistake in my life and how he made my relationship between my parents crumble and just ending it all. I remember my text was a 5 paged message and all he replied with was, ‘Okay‘. He was such a Douche! Who does that? I cried a lot not because of him but what he had made me do, how he turned my life upside down between my parents and me. He controlled me, manipulated me and made me choose the bad. I was too damn naive. From then, I became very choosy. I cannot be friends with or date a Kamba guy. No pun intended. But I feel they are cunning. 

My Advice

If you choose to be with the person that you love, but does not necessarily love you back. It will just cause you to be jealous, suspicious, and resentful. You will always be at their mercy as they have power over you. It really leads to a very pathetic lifestyle.  At least if they love you, you can rest knowing that you have that sense of order at home or in a relationship. And this is perfect if you are looking for something lasting which will lead to a family.  You can then focus your energy on other aspects of your life like your career and health.

Hope you enjoyed reading this one. 




‘If a man is thirsty, he will find a drink’

Cheating! Cheating! Cheating! CHEATING! Dang it, that word can make a person go crazy. It can make a person to kill, burn, cut something off or do the unthinkable. We have all read or seen something weird that has happened on newspapers, or various site of what some partners do to others when caught cheating. Just yesterday there was a case of a Kenyatta University student stabbed by her boyfriend because of relationship sponsoring, anyways, that’s a topic for another day.

In this article, i will speak for both women and men. I am not choosing sides because we all make mistakes. I am just talking from reality. From what happens to everyone’s relationship. 

Ladies have gone through this painful painful experience thinking that the man you are in a relationship with was cheating or they have cheated on you. I confess that from my past relationships I have cheated. Yes, I have and done some dumb shit in my life. Am not proud of it but it is what it is. 

There’s a lot of things that can lead a man or woman to cheat. A lot of women cheat because they are married or are in a relationship with a man who have used sex to coat you, ‘katia you’ and you end up realizing that you are bored as hell and this man lucks mentally, emotionally and spiritually stimulation. 

I have learnt that if you make love to a woman’s mind, her body would follow. If you make a woman to stay emotionally, mentally and spiritually stimulated, her body belongs to you for the rest of her life. But if you are one of them guys that think well, am with you and you are with me, i aint gotta do shit, I ant gonna say shit. We aint gotta talk and because you are my girl and we are in a committed relationship, you aint gonna to cheat. 

Dear men, have you ever heard of someone physically being in bed with you but another man has taken over your woman’s mind, that’s because his having conversations, his making your woman feel like everything she’s doing, her goals, her agendas and everything she’s after, his there to have conversations with her and mentally stimulate her and if you get her mind, her body would follow. That’s some of the motivation behind a woman cheating. 

Some of you will say, “She was a whore, She was looking for an opportunity to be who she is. That is not always the case. It’s not about being a hoodrat, a dirty ass tramp or a slut. Sometimes it just happens. A woman wants a man to make her feel like he is just stimulated by who she is. No one wants to wake up and go to sleep, and just say, am with you and your with me and we are committed.

Some of the things that can make a man cheat. He will say things like, ‘I got married to early, I love you, I like you, am with you and not her and i feel like the chemistry we have is just amazing  and i got into a relationship so fast. Or am a man, am still curious about what her sex feels like, i think she’s sexy, she’s beautiful. Am with you but my mind is still curious about some shit that is outside there. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. But if you think that a home cook meal being beautiful, having this body that’s amazing, the sex is good, the head is good, massages your body. You’ve got all the different things that’s on the check list. None of those things are gonna make a man who’s curious to stay at home. If a man is thirsty, he will find a drink. 

But if you are at home stressed and wondering, why? why? why? why? what have I done? Am i not good enough? It doesn’t help. A lot of times a woman can find herself owning to cheat and she blames herself for what a man decided to do on his own. You cannot stop a man from cheating on you. Even if you tried. You can go above and beyond to try your best to stop this man from making his moves that his gonna decided to make. But you can’t stop him. It doesn’t matter what you look like, it doesn’t matter if you have a flat tummy, muscles or you think you have the sweetest ‘Vijayjay’ because he moans to you, ass up and all that shit in your mind that if i cook like this, i rub his feet, am there for him, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, i got his back, am loyal, am down for him, am this, am that. I f he wants to cheat, his still gonna cheat. It just doesn’t fucking matter. 

Men could sometimes be in a relationship with a woman and their like groupie. By groupies i mean, they cant even believe they pulled this shit off because she’s that fucking bad, that beautiful, that amazing, there are like fans and they find themselves not telling the woman the truth because they can’t believe they have her. Her head maybe horrible, her sex is whack but she will never know because they are scared to be honest to her, they do not want to lose her.

No one wants to be married in bad sex, no one wants to be in a relationship where they have had better sex and better chemistry sexually and then they end up marrying somebody and then it is revealed that she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing or he don’t know what the fuck his doing and you just laying there like, ‘what the hell just happened?’

With the technology this day; the social media. It’s very difficult. How many marriages have ended because of that? How many relationships have ended because he or she forgot to log out of Facebook and you’ve seen that he has this long ass relationship going on with various women; you end up finding out through the DM’s, text messages and even private sessions on snap chat? Then you begin to cry, “why have you been texting with this girl? You have been doing this for so long? “

Our grandparents have been married for over 40/30 years and they did not have social media to contribute  to the dis-function of their marriage. We are growing up in the technology and age where commitment is to a whole other level, other dimension. It’s become more challenging to be in a functioning healthy relationship. Because you’ve so much access to so many different things. It’s become crazy!

That’s the life we live in. People don’t know the meaning of a true relationship anymore. I just keep wondering what the world will when my kids are grown (don’t have kids yet). What will be the definition of love? What love stories will we tell our kids? How will they even learn when all the television, radios, social media is all about terror in relationships?  Am scared but that’s how life is now.

There are people that are depressed, miserable and frustrated right now because their relationship or marriage it ended. They got kids or family and all because of cheating, all because you got caught and go shocked, you have to deal with it. There are many fish in the sea and you will get someone who’s tired of playing those games and you love will be reciprocated.


#InstagramCrush – Check Out These Pics of Koffi Olomide’s Gorgeous 16-year-old Fashionista Daughter, Didi Olomide

When you were 16 years old, who was your fashion icon? Who did you wear? Did you look this good? Were you this Hot? Did you have a collection of heels? Did you wear lipstick? Were you featured on magazines? Was your father a famous musician? Not! Definitely for the 90’s kids, Nope, we were not! #InstagramCrush. 

Congolese musician Koffi Olomide has recently been trending on the news and social media for all the wrong reasons.   From a Kenya blog source, I was able to go through her Instagram photos. The 16 years old, Didi Stone Olomide is a young fashionista in Paris. She was featured in Vogue earlier this year, where she talked about her taste in fashion which borrows from both her African roots and Rihanna’s daring style and especially her innovative hair styles, which has attracted a massive following on Instagram.

Away from all the drama surrounding her daddy, we’ve got to admit, her style is truly something! For ‘team mafisi, uleni kwa macho’.















Photo credits @olomidedidi instagram page.

How long can you be a “Friend with benefits”.

We’ve all been there a time or two before where we have been ‘Friends with Benefits’-casually dating someone and we really get along with them. We want to make it official and turn it into a serious relationship, but we aren’t sure how. Am I just a booty call?

I’m sure a lot of people understand where I am coming from and more importantly understood the possibility of having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. But let’s take a second to discuss having the friendship with the benefits from the opposite sex. Now some of you might wonder what do I mean when I say benefits and others might totally understand where I’m coming from. But let me make this somewhat clear and specific, benefits in regards of having a sexual and intimate relationship with the opposite sex with no strings attached. As long as the sex tingles are there, the sex hormones are high, you know who to call. And you are assured that they will not disappoint you. 


Well from my experience, I was in such relationship once and then let myself get into another. 

My first experience was in campus, I really enjoyed the company of a young male. His name unknown. He was the total package I look for in a man; tall, handsome, broad shoulders, killer fashion and definitely a good kisser. It all started out as a good friendship, more of the best friend type of a relationship. He would tell me all his secrets and I would do the same. I do not understand how feelings were involved but I felt it was mutual at that time, even though I was in a long distance relationship.

The signs were so obvious that he was into me and I was into him. He would hold my hand when we walk to the bus stop, carry my books for me, in case am late for class or when i never showed up for class, he would be too curious to find out why. He would kiss me in-front of people, a kiss on the cheek. But still.  Actually, all the girls that liked him were scared to get close to him because they thought we were dating. 

It all happened when we went for a school trip to Nakuru.If you are in campus and you’ve gone for such trips, you understand what happens, the teachers are never clingy, so you can do whatever you want to do with whoever you wanted. That’s the campus life. He would saved me a sit in the bus when we left and every-time I would go sit with another boy, he would text me ‘sweet nothings’ to tell me how he misses me and he wants me to come back to my sit. It was sweet at that time, I really thought that the feelings were mutual to a point I broke up with my long distance person.

There was another school trip to Mombasa and then Kisii. Most of these trips were football trips and I would tag along as the ‘cheerleader’. LOL! There was no cheering that was happening. Our campus would lose all the time. The only reason I used to attend this trips was because of him.Love struck! Plus the school would give you pocket money during the trip. 2800 shillings. That was good money then. We took that chance to enjoy oursleves and during the holidays or weekdays, we’d always plan for sex dates. Even miss a class for those kinda dates. Don’t Judge me!

All along, this campus crush had someone on the side, a beautiful, light-skinned, sweet girl. Which I never knew about. Here, I thought we told each other everything. I don’t think I would have gotten hurt, if he told me about her because we had agreed on being just ‘friends with benefits.’ Just a casual relationship but it’s always the girl who gets the feelings first. Why? But after 3 months of doing the same thing, don’t you think you would think there’s something too?  Anyways, we cut ends lose and everyone moved on.

My second experience was after campus. I was single for almost 1 year. So when this tall, thin, handsome and tattooed guy came along, we hit it off pronto. He was also honest and told me his not ready for commitment and I too thought i wouldn’t get the feelings and I agreed to it. Well, it was great while it lasted until he started sleeping with his best-friend, a girl which he told me about it and even tried to plan for his own fantasy game with the two of us. Boys and their fetish dreams! 

That did not happen though. He was not a bad guy but he had this ego of ‘I can get any girl I want in bed’. Which was true! He proved that to me by flirting with other girls on phone and they would send him sexy pictures and he would show me.

The relationship between the ‘best-friend’ and him was too obvious. His attention was always on her and it annoyed me. I don’t know if they had the same relationship ‘Friends with benefits’ but he would refer to me as the ‘side chick’ and his best-friend as ‘the main chick’. He would say that to my face. Took me long enough to realize I was just being used and that wasn’t a way to treat a lady. So I walked out from it.It lasted only 2 months. I did not tell him, I’ve dropped the title but I just stopped picking his calls and replying to his texts. I left them to enjoy each other.

So the million dollar question would be is it because you are so sexually attractive to each other that being in a relationship would put that all in jeopardy? Or is it because this person is good enough to be sexual with but not good enough to be in a relationship?? The worst part is when only one is willing to commit. But you are scared to make or break the friendship by spilling the feelings because of the scare of rejection and you had an understanding and agreement that it was just be ‘FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS’.

just friends1.trendy

My Advice

People are different and if after knowing the consequences and the risks, then I say why not. If you’re old enough to be able to tie your own shoes then I guess you’re mature enough to make these type of tough decisions. You and your “friend” should go over some guidelines so there is an understanding on what is ok and what is not ok… (i.e., is it ok to date other people? Are we committed to one another sexual? Is this going to be a long-term thing? etc). Make sure it is something that both of you agree on and it is something that you both desire. We are here in this world to make ourselves happy by doing the necessary things to achieve that. People are going to judge but so what, we live in a society where people judge everyday. Just make sure that the decision that you make is a good one and hopefully it does not haunt you in the future, and you never know that friendship could easily turn into a romantic relationship.

Ladies, to avoid getting into this situation I suggest you apply my 3 month rule. After 3 months of enjoying the benefits of your friendship, ask yourself the question, “Do I want this guy to be my boyfriend?” If the answer is Yes, be proactive and ask him to make it official. If the answer is No, be proactive and cut it off. This will ensure that you will not be persuaded into a relationship down the line. I also offer the same advice to men, if they find themselves in this situation.

A friend with benefits situation cannot last for ever. If you absolutely do not want it to turn into something more, be smart and cut it short.

Hope you enjoyed reading this one.


Re-kindled Love

Hey guys, from a series am watching, i decided write about a love scene that got me aroused, in my own words and way. But what am writing is what exactly happened.

*Warning* This is for a mature audience only. If you’re below the age of eighteen, please don’t read. I will be cursing, graphic sex scenes involved.

Here we go, enjoy.


It had been a while, since Elena had some good sex. The kind of love-making that has your legs shaking. The kind that has you screaming his name for all the neighbors to hear. The only person who ever took her to that type of ecstasy was her ex, Clayton.

Ever since she broke up with Clayton a year ago, all the other men she came in contact couldn’t compare. They never took her to the type of heights that she expected. Sometimes she wished he would have never gave her some of his good dick.

Elena sighed to herself. She wanted to forget about Clayton, but he still had a hold over. It was harder now that they still kept in contact. Their relationship ended on good terms, so she was thankful for that.

She placed her hot cocoa on the coffee table and walked over to the living room window. The snow flakes were falling lightly against the New york night life. Elena continued to stare out the window, until she heard her door bell ring. She wondered who would come over in her place in this type of weather. She looked out the peep hole and gasped when she saw who it was. Having company over, was the last thing she was expecting. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and she had on an over sized sweat-shirt and booty shorts on. She peeked out the hole once again to make sure the person she was looking at was indeed really outside her door.

It was Clayton who was standing waiting to be welcomed in her home.

“Get it together,” She said.

Elena opened the door, as Clayton raised his fist to hit it again. He stopped mid-air, when he saw the questioning look on her face. His eyes skimmed her body then back up to her eyes. He smiled and said, “Are you going to let me in?”

“What are you doing here, Clayton? You shouldn’t be out driving in this type of weather,” she replied. He could see the concern on her face.

“I’m fine,” he replied. He moved his arms and legs to prove to her that nothing bad had happened to him.

“Just get inside so you can warm up”, she said. It was weird that she had just been thinking about him and now he was here at her apartment.

Clayton was now warming his hands by the fireplace. He rubbed them together and put his palms closer to the fire. Elena let her eyes roam over his body. He still managed to work out which did wonders for his body. She could see Clayton’s muscles through his sweater.

“Are you just going to stand there looking at me?” he asked, still looking at the fire.

“Don’t flatter yourself”. Elena said as she sat on the couch.

Clayton slowly turned around, capturing his gaze with his own “That’s why we broke up. You never liked my sense of humor.”

He then followed her and sat down next to her. He turned to look at her and noticed a deep frown. She ignored his gaze while flipping through channels on her flat-screen. To get her attention he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her gently into his chest. Elena wanted to resist but she didn’t. She liked the feel of his arm around her.The slightest touch from him made her heart race. His cologne was clouding her mind, along with his hand rubbing her lower back

“That feels good”, she mumbled into his chest. Clayton was now planting kisses along side of her neck.

“Did you miss me?” he asked against her ear. Elena shook her head , even though she really did miss him. Their break-up was unexpected but she didn’t want to let him know that he was always on her mind. Clayton lifted her chin, so that he could look directly into her eyes. “Tell me the truth.” He knew she was being dishonest with him. He’s known her long enough to know that she was always trying to hide how she really felt inside.

“I’m not doing this with you Clayton? Why are you here?” She asked him.

“Elena, tell me the truth, did you miss me?” as he touches her lower back. Clayton knew of a way he used to touch her when they were together that made her panties wet and would make her crave deeply for him.

“To be honest, I’ve missed you too,” she confessed.

That was all Clayton needed to hear. He pulled her gently towards him, with his arms firmly wrapped around her waist. Elena bit her lip in anticipation when he kissed her forehead. She had dreams about him doing this to her. Now that it was actually happening, she dint know how to contain her growing need for him to touch her all over her body.

Clayton licked her bottom lip, before sucking on it. Elena let out a small mourn. Tingles kept running up and down her spine. When he let her bottom lip go, she placed her mouth firmly against his, he also moaned. A man moaning to her was the sexiest thing to hear.

They pressed their bodies closer together, while their tongues do the magic. Elena’s hands roamed from his broad chest to his shoulders and wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, deepening the kiss even further.

Clayton let his hands roam underneath her shirt. He pulled it over he shoulders and let it fall on the ground. With one hand, he unhooked her bra and pushed the straps down the sides of her arms. Elena did the same with Clayton, making his sweater and shirt fall to the ground.  He picked her up bridal style and walked down the hallway. He opened the door to her bedroom and kicked it shut. He laid her down on the bed and placed his body between her legs. Clayton’s lips met Elena’s again but this time the kiss was rough that made her want him more.

Clayton moved and licked her way towards her chest. He teased her bosom with his teeth, causing Elena to arch her back so he could get better access as he let his teeth taunt her nipple, the soothe it with his tongue. He moved to her other breast and did the same.

After he was done with her breasts, he planted wet kisses down her stomach, only stopping when he reached her navel, and smiled to himself when he felt her shiver beneath him. Clayton’s lips moved from her belly button, to her panties, covering what he so desperately wanted.

His treasure.

Clayton sat up a bit, and pulled her panties down her hips. He threw them across the room not caring where they landed. His main objective was to please Elena and that’s what he intended to do. Clayton flicked her clit with his thumb, then moved it around in circular motion.

“Clayton, please”, Elena said.

“Please what”, he asked.

When she didn’t respond to his question, he stopped all of his movement. He stared up to her, and saw a confused look on her face. She frowned down at him, wanting to know why he stopped.

“Why did you stop?” she asked.

“You didn’t answer my question”, Clayton simply said. “You need to tell me what you want. So tell me.”

Elena sucked her teeth and said,”I want you to fuck me. Is that better?”

“You always had a smart ass mouth. I guess I have to teach you a lesson”, Clayton said.

He unbuckled the belt of his pants and un-did the top button. He slid the down first, then off came his boxers.  Elena couldn’t keep her eyes off his member. It was thick and long, just how she liked them.

“Turn over, ass up,” He commanded.

Elena rolled over and did as she was told. She wiggled her ass, until she felt strong hands squeezing her cheeks. Clayton teased her with the tip of his dick. Elena groaned out of frustration. She wanted all of him inside of her. She threw her hips back in his direction, but he grabbed her hips before he could go deeper inside her.

“Be patient,” he said.

Before Elena could respond, he slid inch by inch into her wet core. They both moaned, as he fit inside her perfectly. Clayton started up a slow rhythm, while Elena matched his pace. Elena clinched the sheets between her fingers, as Clayton rocked her to ecstasy.

“Yes, Papi. Right there”, She said.

He loved the way she called him papi. Her Spanish only came out when they had sex. Clayton picked up the tempo and gripped her hips tightly. He was close to the edge, and didn’t want to cum before she did.

He grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged on it a little. Elena loved getting her hair pulled during sex. S he bent her back further so that he could have more access. Her face was in the pillow, which covered up most of her screams.

“Do you like that?”

“Mmmph…” That was all she could manage to say.

“I guess your learning your lesson,” he groaned out.

“Yesssss, dont stop,” Elena cried out.

Her leg’s began to shake, as the world around her began to spin. Her muscles clinched around around his hard erection. Clayton slowed his tempo, until he exploded inside of her, at the same time her juices overflowed.

Their bodies were covered of sweat, as they collapsed onto the bed. Elena positioned her body, to where her head was laying against chest. This was better than her dream. Clayton wrapped his arms around her, and placed a gentle kiss against her forehead.

“What now?” Elena asked.

Clayton smiled and said, “I think we should go another round.”

“Okay, Papi. I’m down.”










The Questions.

The Voice Inside

What is life when you have to fight to survive, when you are constantly knocked down when you are trying to get up, when things finally start to go well and then fall six feet under, when they tell you to try harder when that is all you have been doing?

What is life when you try to fit in but you still stick out like a sore thumb, when you try to be normal but still seem like a weirdo.

What is life when you hide in books because it is so much better than reality, when the music you listen to is actually the words you want to say, when you do well in something but you still get put down.

What is life when all you think is why? why can’t I be normal? why me? why don’t the see, why can’t I be like them? Why am I still here? Why? Why do I keep fighting and fighting?

What is life when you start to lose hope that things will be all right, when you start to believe that maybe they are right?

What is life when all you hear at night is them? when the words they growing at you stab like knives, when the people you class as friends feel like strangers, when you constantly question what you say.

What is life when “what ifs” are always there, when  the walls you build are never ending, when you block everything and everyone out, when you pretend not to see and say and do, when rather blend into the wall then be verbally assaulted.

What is life when you are constantly scared, when you build a bridge and they knock it down, when those you trust turn around and stab you in the back, when those you call close treat you like shit.

What is life when the people you love don’t care about you, when people ask if your OK and  you don’t know what that means anymore, when you pretend to be someone else just to be noticed.

What is life when you hide things yet pray for someone to see or find them, when you purposely walk across the road wanting to be hit.

What is life when you just don’t want to keep going, when all you feel is hurt and pain..

What is that kind of lie?


If you can get up and do it one day, you can do it again and if you have done it two times, you can do it a third and a fourth and a fifth and again and again, just take each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each week, each month, each year as it comes and you will get through it.