Live and Learn

When your boyfriend’s friend whats you.

Oh my, this is always the toughest mistake ever. The worst mistake you can even do to a man. A man can forever hate you if you do this to him. Especially with a childhood friend. These are the Toxic Friends I was talking about. The ones that take advantage of the bad situation you have with your girlfriend and pretend to ‘comfort her”. 

Am not talking about your ex’s friend. Am talking about when you still in a committed relationship with your man who loves you, you love him and yet his friend is too hot, too swaggy, perfect smile, dressing good, yaani his just ‘mwaah’ and he just keeps winking at you, licking his lips for you and trying to send romantic texts to you. ‘Sasa Msupa’  and you don’t mind, you keep entertaining him. I know that to most girls this has happened to them but they are just too selfish to admit it. 

Well,  this has been a day in my life. If you have read my previous love circle seriesMy Neighbor’s Love life- Part 1 (The Perfect Match)My Neighbor’s Love life -Part 2 (Heartbreak and Sadness)My Neighbor’s Love Life – Part 3 (The Curse), I was dating my friend Shamina’s cousin and then we broke up. Is it only me or when you are young you just fall in love for any boy who gives you attention. You don’t care about the looks, the lifestyle, or anything at all. You don’t look into so much like nowadays. You just love. I would want to go back to those days. Love was better than 2016’s love life. Or is it that am growing up? 

Shamina’s Cousin, Onesmus (not his real name) was kind, humble, intelligent, smart, sexy, cute, the list could go on. He was just too nice. But I did not like nice guys, I preferred bad boys. Am sure from my before stories, Should you be with someone whom you love or someone who loves you? and How long can you be a “Friend with benefits” you’ve noticed that. Onesmus and I had a great thing going on until he introduced me to his friends. A crew of 4 boys. They had a name for that crew but I cannot remember. Always together. All day, all night. 

Onesmus was proud to be seen with me, he loved the fact that I was his girl. You know. ‘This is my girl’ was the introduction he used when introducing me to his friends and relatives even to the ‘mama mboga’ next to where he stays. Not that it mattered. It felt so right.

Anyways, I had met these boys before but I did not know them individually because when Onesmus wanted to be with me, he would ditch them. But on this day, he had something to pick from one of them and he had to go meet them. One of them had a pool-table in his house, so that was there hang out joint. Play pool all day. He asked me to take him.

Alas, there was a new member in the crew. Cyrus, Onesmus childhood friend. He looked so good. He was in baggy pants, baggy tee-shirt and old school Jordan’s shoes. The look boys used to try pull back then. He looked very smart to me. He had a magnetic earring on his left ear and his hair was ‘curlkit or is it Blow-out‘. I liked that. Cyrus was very handsome. I mean beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

At this point, my relationship with Onesmus was 6 months old.

I clicked with Cyrus immediately, because he was a loud person, very talkative and excited about life. And that’s when our ‘thing’ started. What is this thing you may ask? According to me ‘a thing relationship’, is where you are not sure if you are an item. You have feelings for each other. Very strong attraction but you are just not sure. You just flirt.

That’s the kind of relationship, I had with Cyrus. Just texting and sexting. We’d text day and night everyday and if we were to meet, it was over ice-cream or movies away from Onesmus, and the rest of the crew. I just loved how he complimented me everyday, how he would wink at me whenever Onesmus was around us and throw in a sweet text message with kissy emoji. I don’t know, but I enjoyed it. It was exciting. But I never cheated on Onesmus.

My relationship with Onesmus was flat, no excitement and he was the quiet guy. On the other hand, Cyrus had sense of humor. He made me laugh. But our relationship wasn’t intimate. It was more emotionally attached relationship. When I had issues, I would always talk to him instead of Onesmus. I felt he knew how to comfort me and make me feel special than how Onesmus did. 

I guess this was why I got my heart broken so many times. Comparing and being choosy. This wasn’t enough, so I always moved on to the next one so fast. 

A secret is only known by one person. ‘Pretty Little Liars’ taught me better. Cyrus told one of his neighbors about me. Coincidentally, the neighbor knew Onesmus. He told Onesmus and said things that I never did with Cyrus. My first ‘being dumped’ scenario. Even when I tried to pin it all on Cyrus, ‘Whore, Slut, Bitch’ were the texts I got from Onesmus. I tried to apologize many times but I guess I stabbed him where it hurts the most. He couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive me. He was too bitter.

As for Cyrus, I felt that was his agenda all along as he never talked to me again. He knew what he was doing when he got close to me and confessed his feelings for me.

With time, I blamed myself because I also let it happen. But I’m glad it didn’t work out with any of them – my next short story

My Advice

If you find yourself in the middle of a complicated situation like mine. You obviously have two choices: tell your boyfriend or keep it from him. I would say that option one is your best bet. Whatever you choose to do is going to come along with consequences, either immediately or possibly in the long-term. Let’s discuss.

Okay, so let’s start with option two: you keep this from your boyfriend and never let him know that his best friend went behind his back to try to sabotage his relationship. If it was guaranteed that your boyfriend would never, ever find out about what happened, fine. All of the friendships would be saved and everything could continue as it was.

However, it’s not guaranteed that your boyfriend will never find out about this. What if he does and finds out that you kept something that huge from him? He’ll probably freak out. Not only will his friendship with the friend be over, but he might even end things with you as well like Onesmus did with me. I felt bad for while that I did that to Onesmus because I hurt him deep. I could see that he was devastated.  He had to deal with the fact that two of the people he was close to kept something big from him.

Option one: you come clean and tell your boyfriend what his friend said. Will it cause a fight between the two of them? Yes, probably. But that’s not your fault! Cyrus knew that what he was doing was wrong – if he really was a good friend to Onesmus, he would never go behind his back to try to steal his girlfriend. 

Honesty is incredibly important in a relationship and that’s why I think you need to tell your boyfriend the truth. Yes, it will hurt him… but I think he’s better off knowing his friend’s true colors. 

Enjoy this one too.

#StoryOfMyLife

 

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “When your boyfriend’s friend whats you.

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