Live and Learn

Opposite sex friendships are tricky.

Do you think we all need friends of both gender? Of course Yes! We both have the genders in our families. We have grown up watching both the genders existing together. Opposite sex friendships are tricky and can be a direct threat to your relationship but they don’t have to be.

The other day, my boyfriend calls and tells me, his past girl best-friend has come to visit him at work. I did not take this news in a good way. 

When our relationship began, he told me about her. She was always there for him through the heart breaks and life struggles, always advising and encouraging him. She was always on speed dial when he had a headache on something. She knew about his past at that time.But one thing he assured me, there were only friends, nothing more.

Well, we girls know how ‘only friends’ is hard to understand. So my reaction was like any other girl. I don’t know but I felt my heart so heavy. I felt it wasn’t right. I was jealous. They had lost contact because of me. I demanded he drops her immediately our relationship hit 4 months. Why? Because I wanted to fill that spot. Best-friend spot. 

Why has she come? Had they planned for it? Have they been talking again? So his gonna take him for lunch? or will they plan to go out after work? I had so many unanswered questions. I remember I called him and let out all my anger. Screaming and shouting at him. I was mad.

He knows me, so he let me scream out at him then he said, ‘are you done? Listen,  she means nothing to me. She only came abruptly to see me and I couldn’t chase her away. You have to understand that I had friends before I met you. Meeting and catching up doesn’t mean am doing anything wrong. If I was, I wouldn’t have told you about it. Things have changed between me and her. She moved to a different city and things are not the same as before. We only talked about how life is. I have you now as my best-friend. You have nothing to worry about. Ok? In-fact, she has just left. I only love you’.

His words were genuine. The jealousy I had just dropped. I felt better.

My advice

If you are getting into a relationship and your man/woman has an opposite sex friends, First, talk about it. You both had your lives going on before you came into each other’s paths. Of course don’t demand immediately you get into the relationship, you need to wait and see where this relationship will take you. Will it work or not? You can’t demand for things if you are not willing to commit.

Second, no secrets. He knew I wouldn’t like it but he told me anyways. Which I realize I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did instead trust him. Be honest to your partner. Be honest with your spouse at all times about your friend (and everything else for that matter).

Third, set limits on how much alone time you spend with a friend of the opposite sex. Consider spending time in group settings or with your spouse instead of one on one time alone. If you spend too much time alone or talking privately it can make the friendship become too intimate. Even private texts can become too intimate if people are sharing about their day to day lives.

Fourth, monitor what you share with your friend. Don’t say anything to your friend when you’re alone that you wouldn’t say when your spouse is present. Don’t talk negatively about your spouse either. Complaining about your spouse to an opposite sex friend can be a slippery slope.

Fifth, if you find yourself romantically attracted to your friend at any time it is essential to put on the brakes. Continuing the friendship in the same way is not going to be helpful to your relationship. Limit your contact with your friend.

Enjoy reading this one.

#LiveandLearn #StoryOfMyLife

The-Rules-of-Opposite-Gender-Friendships

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