Live and Learn

Is there something like ‘Forced Fatherhood or motherhood?’

Hi Everybody.

You must be wondering why that title? Is there something like ‘Forced Fatherhood or motherhood?’ In my opinion, I don’t think anyone can be forced to be a parent. But women always have tough decisions to make when you just had sex, and birth control did not work or “accidents” happened, and the guys has no say in whether he’s ready to be father to an UNBORN child. 

When coming to work this morning, on radio Kiss 100 station, today’s big scoop was a Kenyan gospel artist ‘Ringtone’ being accused of forcing a Nairobian girl to abort her baby. According to her, she was in a relationship with the controversial singer and after making love for a couple of times she found out that she was pregnant….but on informing ‘Ringtone’ he begged her to abort. Fast forward to now. It’s been 11 months and the girl is now a proud mother of an adorable little boy. She said that she will do anything to see her baby get the best in life even after his daddy denied him. Kiss 100 station played the audio of Ringtone’s conversation with her. He said,”those are just socialites trying to tarnish my name. I’m saved and focused on spreading the word”. He still denied 11 months later. Word is, the baby looks exactly as him but he refuses to get a DNA test. So much of a saved person! 

Anyways, this made me research on ‘Dead beat Dads’. I wanted to write a disgusting article about them but I came across two comments on one of the ‘Single Mothers vs Dead beats Dads Blogs’. I will copy and paste them as they were written. But first the blogger posted this image on her blog; donor

The First comment was;

People that write articles like this Disgust me. You think you are perfect and can refer to someone as a “DONOR”! When will you Educate yourself. and follow a couple of rules
1- Women Stop being Sluts- Plain and simple- If you do not want the person to raise your children Dont Sleep with them.
2- Men- If you dont want to be a part of a childs life… Then go Jerk Off
But the part that bothers me the most is the word “Donor”.  The Donor for my child was the Best man in the World. He gave me the gift of a Child and if I could meet the man that donated his sperm then I would hug the guy and say thanks. 

Now if you want to use a word that better fits your situation… How is- The Guy mommy liked to screw. Or the guy that Mommy was too stupid too know not to sleep with.

The Second comment was;

One thing no one talks about is forced fatherhood. Women who hate kids, or arent’ prepared to be a mother, or never want to be a mother, or who are financially unstable, or who have career aspirations that don’t include time for children can choose to abort despite any and all objections of the man. But, men have no such rights. Those same situations apply to them but they have no post-conception ability to opt out of fatherhood, just as 1 million women per year opt out of motherhood. And, heaven help anyone that suggests that they should be forced into motherhood. It would be a disaster for the woman and the child, so goes the argument.

 

My thoughts

On the first comment, I think she was going through some issues that made her be offensive. She must be living under a rock and has no grasp of the real world or she’s just ignorant. Am not a mother yet, but I hear and read of the frustration mother’s can have especially if the father doesn’t help to raise that child. She made her own choice to have a ‘Sperm Donor’ as you can see on her comment and the agreement must have been just ‘Sperm’ nothing more. So she shouldn’t be bitter, she has a child. Some women out there cannot bear children.

We are in 2016 right now, and I think we shouldn’t not be making mistakes. There are so many ways to prevent unwanted pregnancy if you are not ready to be a mother. This brings me on the second comment. I think Women who aren’t prepared to be mother’s should give the child for adoption. We have so many home orphanage in Kenya, around the world. That child might live a better life in someone else’s arms than being thrown in a pit latrine or leaving it by the side of the road. (this are cases in our country, Kenya). That child could have been the next Lupita Nyong’o or Margaret Kenyatta (First Lady). Just because you are unstable financially doesn’t mean you hate your innocent child. You’ve made a life-altering choice, and children shouldn’t suffer for it.

On our gospel artist story, since he says he is a saved person, why doesn’t he go for that DNA test to finalize the stories? I think he is scared because he feels it’s true. I think he doesn’t want to be judged by what kind of women he sleeps with because of his fame. That is just a stupid man! 

This is for all, I don’t think anyone is forced to be a parent. We know when it is happening, we know that when we have sex, those are the consequences. A child. Am not saying don’t have sex. But we are mature enough to get involved or be in relationships with people who will want the same things you want. Talk to your partner. Whether it’s a ‘mpango wa kando (Side chick) or wife or girlfriend. ‘what if a baby comes then what?’. See how they respond to it. He might want a child but you don’t or vice versa. It doesn’t matter. Communicate. If you don’t like the response, run. 

Children should bring joy to a family. If they won’t, adults need to act responsibly and avoid becoming parents – whether by consistently using birth control or considering adoption – because there’s nothing crueler than growing up with a mother who resents their existence because of your own mistakes or your parent’s mistakes.

All in all, it doesn’t matter how the child came to being; Whether by a donor, whether an accident, whether the father is a ‘dead beat’ or the mother is a ‘dead beat’, whether financially stable or not, Kids are a blessing. 

#Liveandlearn

 

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4 thoughts on “Is there something like ‘Forced Fatherhood or motherhood?’

  1. One can be forced to motherhood…when she is defiled.
    Think about that.
    Too young to be a mom.. not ready to be a mom ends up being defiled and maybe a christian and she doesnt abort thats forced motherhood to me.
    Nice topic though

    Liked by 1 person

  2. While I definitely understand what you’re saying – not all adoptions are great. Many children don’t get adopted or they get adopted into hell. I will say that I have always stated that I would never have a child that I couldn’t afford to take care of on my own. That means that no matter what the man did or didn’t do if I couldn’t afford to take care of the child then I wouldn’t get pregnant and have a baby. The problem is that there are too many people making grown up decisions who are not really grown up anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Tikeetha. You know when I read your blogs I get so motivated. You are a single mother and I admire you for sharing your journey through it all.

    Away from that, i do agree with you. and we ladies should be careful not to fall for the not grown people.

    Like

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