Fifty Shades of Doreen

So you must be wondering why ‘Fifty shades of Doreen’  – Well, catchy title, huh? Anyways, today’s daily post is Fifty and of course am not going to write about 50 years ago or 50 years to come if I will get to see it or 50 cents. Ha! Thought I should write about the life span I have lived and hope to reach 50years.

Anyways, I have realized that I define myself with my past. Where I came from and the fact that I craved for a mother’s love. Every time I get hurt, I blame myself and feel sorry for myself. Is it because I was born in that kind of life? Is it because my mother wasn’t around me when growing up? Is it because they are better than me? Why am I not enough?

Someone asked me, why I wrote about my past on the blog? Why did I have to talk about my family? The thing is  I don’t want to hide it no more. I choose to share it because I felt it was right to me and I felt good about it. I was ashamed of it because I wanted to fit in. Be like the people around me, because I dressed like them, talked like them and eat like them. Forgetting where I came from. Forgetting what really matters to me. Don’t judge me.

I know I shouldn’t degrade myself because of my past. Tear myself up and feel sorry for myself about it. I shouldn’t look back and wish it was better. I shouldn’t wish I did not have it. It happened.

My past got me to where I am now and I am thankful for each day. I am proud of the woman I am today. I might have gone through rough young days but I know I will not let my children pass through what I did. Or rather let their past define them.

Don’t ever let your past define you. It’s okay to remember it and it’s okay to visit the memories but the past is the past. If you allow it to take control, it will tear you apart and make you think less of yourself. Work on the present. We are here now. Time doesn’t move backwards. The more you rely on your past and allow it to move with you, you just wont move on.The best thing about the past is that is shows you what not to bring into the future.

Even though there are days I wish I would change some things that happened in the past, there’s a reason the rear view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big, where you are headed is much more important than what you’ve left behind. You can’t change the past but you can change the future.

My past is what I’ve been through, it’s not who I am. It has helped mold me, but it does not define me.





3 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Doreen

  1. Some people would ask “why open up like that to your readers? Isn’t that too personal?” Well to be honest, when I was reading your story of the tough times you had in your childhood, what crossed my mind is how brave you are to share it. There is someone somewhere with a similar story, and it made them feel they aren’t alone. I think that when you write something down, whether in your diary or blog or in a word document, it’s a great way to actually come to terms with what happened and move on without regrets, starting a new chapter..and don’t be ashamed about the past, they say what won’t kill you only makes you stronger. 🙂 stay hopeful.

    Liked by 1 person

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