Live and Learn

There’s no benefit in pride.

She is 32 years old. Her and her ex husband started dating when she was in grade 12. She was 19 years old. They were best friends. She waited until he completed college and started working. Her family and his family then met. They got married and had a son. (7 years old now). 

Her husband was short tempered at times but their problems started when she wanted to make him feel he can’t control her. Everytime they argue, she would pack her bags, go to her family and explain. Her sisters would phone her husband and shout at him. If he was controlling her, she would always dare him for a divorce.  But she never wanted a divorce. She had pride and she never wanted to look like a loser in his eyes. 

One day she pushed him so hard that for the first time he beat her and locked her outside. She went to her family and they took him to the police. She wanted people to see that she’s being abused. And feel sorry for her. But to be honest, she used to abuse her husband emotionally.

He was arrested and detained. She was asked by his family to withdraw the case, they felt that what she was doing was wrong. Her husband was never a violent man, he did what he did because she pushed him to the wall. She withdrew the charges and they reconciled.

After 3 months, she packed her bags after a small issue and he remained alone. 

After two days she received a call that he is in hospital, her family told her that she shouldn’t go there because it will look like she’s begging him and her sisters believed his faking the illness. 

All this time, people felt sorry for her. She was like the one being abused. He spent a week in hospital. 

After he came out, she received a divorce summon. She wanted to say no to divorce but because of her pride, she wanted him to change his mind and beg her. She called him and said, “you will get the divorce because I Iive like am in hell”.

When they were in court, she wanted to make him pay, so she told the court that she needed his properties to be shared. To her surprise he openly told the court that whatever he and her had acquired together should be given to her, all he wanted was a divorce.They got divorced in 2009 July.

Now, her husband is getting married again, while she’s there wasted. Her family gossiped about her. She depends on what her ex gives to her son for survival. She realized she wasted her marriage.

To all the wives/girlfriends around the world: Be careful how you get advise. Don’t be cheated. Even her younger sisters are much more respected than her. Those who encouraged her to divorce are always bad mouthing her. 

It’s doesn’t matter how the situation is. I am not saying not to listen to advice but it’s all about YOU at the end of the day. Your choices. Your way. Your journey. Listen, but listen carefully. Think deep and see if it’s worth it. There’s no benefit in pride. 

This is a perfect example and advise to those dancing in some overrated ego.

Credit:Relationship Matters Forum. (I read this story and I had to share). 

#LiveandLearn

 

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “There’s no benefit in pride.

  1. Nice story here. As the other comment said, the message is powerful indeed.

    I knew someone like this. In fact, had a rather recent encounter of such an individual lol.

    I’ll tweak the job info and what happened to protect privacy of those involved. The story will however, retain the same message as the event that transpired.

    This old guy I know, works as a guard at a certain facility. He holds lots of pride in his work and his ethics so I respected him for that. However, he has too much “Pride” in him for his own good. Here’s what happened.

    One day, someone came over to ask for him for directions. It was early and there were no traffic so the guy parked his vehicle at the side of the road near the guard, which to the old timer, is against the rules and he IMMEDIATELY flared up and yelled at him. Shouted at the poor guy like he was less of a human than he is. Truly an awful sight to behold.

    After the poor dude drove off, shocked by the sudden raging of an old man, I asked the guard “Was it necessary to yell like this to the guy? He’s never been here before, he didn’t know it wasn’t allowed here.”

    To which, he responds “No, this is a road. Every driver should know the rules of the road. He was being a safety hazard by being there.”

    “Yes, I agree but couldn’t you have just asked him to park somewhere else nicely before answering his questions? Why did you have to go shouting at people like that? Besides, there’s no traffic at this hour, was it such a big deal? You could’ve just given him the directions and he’ll be on his way!”

    Aside from trying to reason with him to make him see how ridiculous he was being, I was also trying to prevent him from receiving complaints which may cost him his job. Being the stubborn ox that he is though, he argued saying that it’s his working style and started yelling at me for trying to help him lol. Naturally, I told him I lost all respect for him. If you are someone who treats people like they aren’t worth anything just so that you can feed your ego? You are worst than a scum and I won’t respect you. I made that clear to him.

    Unfortunately, for people who hold lots of pride in themselves- They tend to be the ones who fall the hardest because they refuse to see and understand the fact that they aren’t the only ones whose opinion matters, which usually (If not always) come back to bite them in their behind in the later phase of problem resolution.

    The story you shared reminds me of myself and a woman whom I loved (Maybe I still do? Doesn’t matter now lol) in the past and I feel like I can relate a lot with the ex-husband. I believe that he still loved her when they were both standing in court that fateful day. It’s a pity, how things ended the way it did but I’m sure many good came out of it too.

    I feel that people who holds such pride tend to also be ones who are actually very insecure. Because of that, they REFUSE to give in. They are afraid that they’d LOSE something for giving in. Be it the IDEA of LOSING itself, the loss of “Reputation” or the loss of their own reality. They always have to get the last say in things.

    That I feel, is truly dangerous and unhealthy for them. Reason? If you are like this- You’d likely have an unhealthy social life and working life! We all know by now, Social life is CRITICAL to how happy one person is in life because it affects EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of it! Career progression can have a drastic difference between someone who’s in a good relationship with everyone in the office as compared to one who’s bad with everybody!

    I used to think that socializing SHOULDN’T matter in one’s happiness (I was a loner thus, I hated socializing!) and when I learned that IT DOES because this is how the world works? I thought “This is so unfair! Why do I have to work with people when I don’t like interacting?”

    So after many turn of events (If you’re interested, feel free to check out my about page on my site lol) I’ve learned that I didn’t “Hate” talking to people and I certainly didn’t enjoy being a loner. I just didn’t know HOW to talk to people! That made me afraid of being around people- Fear of being judged and made fun of etc.

    Notice anything? I was insecure! Look at what kind of problems INSECURITY gave me- How much negative impact it could have on my life, had I not worked on myself to change things around!

    I believe Insecurity, is the culprit here- NOT PRIDE.

    One can take pride in his work but still be cool when one’s working ethics are being challenged. Taking pride in something is very different from being overly sensitive about something. Don’t confuse pride and oversensitivity!

    What do you think bud? Do you agree?

    I’d LOVE to hear what you have to say on this theory of mine, Doreen 🙂

    Your pal,
    Benjamin
    http://www.projectbiy.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Benjamin, I do agree with you, been insecure can invade so many things in you; jealousy, pride and an ego. See, I had the same relationship. The reason i wrote about it was because of that. He knew how much I loved him, he knew i adored him, he knew I would do anything for him and when he does me wrong, as long as he says ‘sorry’am back to him. He would treat me wrong but when i told him am leaving, he would laugh and say, no you wont. You cant. You cant live without me. You only going to hurt yourself emotionally if you do. He never thought i would leave. He never thought I would walk away but I did. He was insecure of himself. Who will he be without me.

    So pride in love isn’t worth it because why are you with that person in the first place?
    All in all, people shouldn’t let their pride control them.

    Like

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