Live and Learn

You Think She Wants The Love That’s Portrayed In The Movies, But Here’s What She Actually Wants

She doesn’t care about that romance. She’s seen enough and she’s been through enough to know that romance to her means something different than it does to the people who produce romantic comedies. The people who make movies associate romance with huge diamonds and love at first sight and dramatic declarations of the heart. 

Romance in her eyes means you bring over a pizza and the two of you excitedly spend a Friday night in your pajamas. Romance to her means you tell her she looks cute when she’s sleeping, even though she knows she does not.

Her version of romance does not involve you proclaiming your love for her in a public place. Instead, when the two of you are alone. Your fingers running up and down her arm absentmindedly, out of habit, unable to stop. Kissing her forehead. Squeezing her close to you and saying ‘I love you’. 

Romance in her eyes is when you have the little jokes you say to each other and conversations only the two of you understand. Laugh out loud and Hi five. Romance in her eyes is when you know her favorite songs and when they plays and she’s not around you, you call her, just for her to listen and even sing along.Romance in her eyes is when she doesn’t have to put on make up when you are coming to see her. Even though she’s in jeans and a t-shirt, you tell her how beautiful it is.

It was attraction at first sight when you met her. Desire at first sight. Then love developed out of a series of small and ordinary moments that you don’t even realize are important.

You eat cereal together. You have your won boxing match in the house (jokingly). You prefer to take her to the pub than be with your boys. Because you enjoy her company. You have little conversations throughout the day that reveal more and more about yourselves. And then you’re just in love. Because you know each other for the most genuine, everyday, ordinary versions of yourselves. 

The process of love is not interesting to anyone except the two of you. It is not the kind of love that is turned into a reality show watched by millions. But it’s good enough for her. because it’s steady and patient and it gets a little stronger everyday.

She’s got thick skin. She’s tough and she’s secure and she’s developed a careful way of incorporating people into her life. But she likes you enough to bring those defenses down a little bit. You could hurt her. She could hurt you too. These are things she knows because she’s experienced them before. Or she’s watched her friends experience them. Or both.

She’s taking a risk with you. But she’s okay with that. Because she’d rather take a risk and invest herself in something real, rather than sit back and daydream about something that’s one-dimensional and boring and only interesting on the surface.

She still watches those movies every once in a while. They’re an easy way to pass two hours. But now she understands them for what they are: Movies. Carefully arranged stories where anything falls together at the end because they have to be that way, or else people wouldn’t watch them.

Movies take place in under 120 minutes. That means they don’t have time for the kinds of scenes that exist in your everyday relationships, or the time you talk to until 3am, telling each other about the day, even though you’ve been talking all through the day. 

Movies are an escape from real life. But she doesn’t need to escape from real life. Because you are real life. She loves you for being real and sincere and normal and genuine. The everyday moments with you give her joy and excitement. Sometimes things go wrong, but for most part, they don’t. And she enjoy when they don’t.

She wouldn’t have it any other way. 

She doesn’t need diamonds, as long as she can eat cereal with you every day and play boxing with you everyday.

#LiveandLearn

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