Am up and alive. So am thankful. But sometimes I feel sacred. Scared of where I am going to be in the future. I wish I could see it. Just peep into it. Because it feels so bad, so scary and hurtful being told by my dad, that if I don’t work hard, I will suffer. If he drops dead now, at this moment, that things will be so hard for me. He reminds me that, every time he talks to me.
All this is because of my past but every family has a story.
So how am I supposed to feel with those words being told to me? Stuck in my head day and night. How hard am I supposed to work? Going to bed not knowing how tomorrow will be like. What if tomorrow doesn’t come?
We all have our own dreams of where we want to be 5 years or 10years from now. What you want to do and how you want your future to be like. But all this is a dream. Its us having hope. Whether it will come or not. That’s what keeps us going. It’s our strength.
One thing we forget is that the future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes.
I don’t know what my future holds. I would want to have a peep of what it might be like. So that i don’t have the doubts I have. Am I on the right path in life? Am I with the right person? Will the pain and the struggles be forever? Will my dreams come true?
But that will never be. Because the future is always changing and when it reveals itself, it might not be how I imagined it.
Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its harder to give up when you know its everything you want.
I remember during my high school and university life, I never worried much about my next step because my dad did all that for me. He was my feet and my eyes. But now things have changed. He stopped doing that. He sees that am grown.
Just this morning, he asked me to save him prescriptions of current medicines he is to get from the chemist for the new month. Blood pressure, Diabetes and gout medicines. Without these medicines, he might not have been alive. He is 78 years old now. So you see, age is catching up. Now he needs me to be his feet and eyes or more.
Going in deep inside the world, on my own scares me. But I wouldn’t want to go back to the past, so I have to man-up and walk through it. I really want to see what’s at the corner of the road am walking on.
Maybe it will take me forever, but I will keep going. Every one has their own blessings, their own journey and purpose in life. I know and I believe that every thing I need will come to me at the perfect time.
It’s extremely important for you to believe in yourselves, not only for what you are now,but for what you have the power to become – Neal A. Maxwell