Live and Learn

He Feels Empty Inside.

When am going through problems or being troubled I tend to keep off from the people I love them most – my parents. I get scared to tell them what is happening especially for my dad because that’s how he raised me. If we are not talking about educational stuff then there’s nothing to talk about between me and him.

I preferred to keep off. Keep my problems and my troubled mind to myself.

Some years back, my life just turned upside down. The world was eating me up slowly and unknowingly. I made bad decisions which got me into sticky situations – am not ready to talk about. I spoiled my relationship with my dad and since my mother was never around when growing up, her advice did not stop me from doing what I had to do. 

“Who are you to tell me what I have to do? You were never around. Why now?” My thoughts then.

I remember I got suspended from University because of my bad decisions and I never cared how much money my dad had spent on me from born-day. I was ready to give it all up and let the world just feed me what it had to feed me.

Things took a wrong turn that I started having suicidal thoughts. Laying in that bath tub with a scissors in my hand wondering, what is the use of life? Why am I here in the first place? What’s the use of living? Why am I being treated so differently from the others? Maybe it’s my fault for being born.

cutting2

I don’t know what snapped me back to reality but something did. I keep telling myself it was God. He knew that my purpose in this life is much more and what I was going through was just a test. 

Only my mother knew about this day. It has always been a secret from the other family members until today. I wouldn’t want those thoughts to ever come back. But at least now I know I got my mother when I need her.

The reason for my story is;

I got a message from a friend this morning, it read, “I cut myself and I thought drinking will help with the pain but dieing hurts like a bitch. I cut my wrists up because apparently that’s the only painless way to go. Someone just bleeds out peacefully, you get?” 

At first I thought it was a joke but we kept talking and he was repeating of how he just wants to take out his life. How he feels so empty inside. How his going through so much and he doesn’t know how to get out of these situations so that was his plan.

I informed some of his friends who stay nearby and I was disturbed with the information I got back. His left wrist was slashed deep and he was on his right wrist. He had smashed a bulb on the floor and that is what he used to cut himself. He was drunk and on his phone, he had even googled how to get the wrist vein for a quick death.

He was rushed to a close by clinic. 

I do understand where his coming from, the problems he has and this was not the first time his told me his tired of life. I just did not think he would give so easily.

My fellow Bloggers, how do I help him? How do I snap him back to reality? He thanked me for helping him but he told me I have ruined his plans which were to just go peacefully? I tried to convince with advice and strength. I even told him that suicidal is a sin and he will go straight to hell. But his reply was, ‘Whatever happens, happens.. There’s no use for me to be around this place. I have been through hell here so whatever is waiting for me beyond, am not scared’. Then he swore to me that his made up his mind and he will still do it.

I know his going through depression and tough times. I just cannot think of a way to pull him out from it.

Am scared!

This post is inspired by daily post fightstumpslogjump and perplexed

#LiveandLearn.

 

 

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20 thoughts on “He Feels Empty Inside.

  1. This story brought back countless memories. It’s amazing how close our stories are. Having went through this same thing, there wasn’t much anyone could tell me to make me change my mind. Seeing their pain is what changed me. I realized that they did indeed care and they were truly hurt by the thought that I didn’t think they did. There’s always a reason for staying alive, some of us just have a hard time finding it.
    “Don’t suffer in silence; the liar is counting on you to isolate.” Remember this when trying to find ways to help him out. It’s not in your power to “fix” him but you can definitely show your support. Don’t let him isolate himself. And don’t be afraid to get help with this, don’t be afraid to tell someone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Angela, thank you for letting me know that am not the only one who had a hidden secret. Even to the guys I was dating, I never said anything because I was scared of the judgment.

      Thank you for the kind words, I will try my best to help him out and for sure I will be able to share the out come if he agrees to my help. He will always be in my prayers and the reason I wrote it was to share for advice.

      Thank you for reading Dear.

      Like

  2. I suggest that you check out the support network at America Foundation for Suicide Prevention. https://afsp.org/find-support/

    It is hard for someone who has never been through depression or suicidal thoughts to understand where another is coming from, so you have immense empathy. I think you are a great friend to be there for him. But, you must also realize that ultimately it will be his choice to fight or give up. I hope that he does get the help he needs to win this battle. It is so sad and terrible that this illness takes so many.

    I will also link my post, if you don’t mind my sharing. “Trudging Through Depression”
    https://sbdmb.wordpress.com/2016/09/15/trudging-through-depression/

    Liked by 1 person

  3. God…this is heart wrenching to read. Because I understand both your and your friend’s situation. When a person is in a state like his, you don’t see anything but some way to drown that suffering. I have been through depression and I could relate so much with your thoughts as well as your friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry to hear what your friend is struggling with. Depression is a silent, isolating illness of contradictions. It makes you feel both numbed and pained, both yearning for and rejecting company. Don’t be hard on yourself for not understanding it!

    After 20+ years of depression, during which time I was hospitalised, drugged, and counselled many times, it was mindfulness that helped me in the end. It told me I could be kind to myself and forgive negative feelings. And that feelings will pass just like storm clouds do and they won’t bring about the end of the world. My only regret now is that I didn’t know about it when I was younger.

    Meditation has been proven to rewire the brain’s chemistry over time and ‘undo’ some of the damage done by depression. If he’s very depressed he won’t believe that anything will change and may need the aid of antidepressants and general support first. But for me, mindfulness’s philosophy of letting go and being kind to yourself did more for me than years of analysing feelings in a psychotherapist’s chair or taking anti-depressants.

    Don’t be put off by thinking its a Buddhist only thing. Meditation can be for everyone and is now recommended by mental health professionals in the UK. https://www.headspace.com is a very good app and have some free sessions you can try out. I’ve discussed my years of struggling with this in a recent post called Walking in my Shoes if you’re interested. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your advice and words.. I might not know what his going through in his mind but I believe talking to him and just being there for him might help. I will also read your link and hope to get something that will help him. But the fact that he talked of ‘already made up mind and he will do it until his gone’ really scared me. I hope he realizes that his not alone.

      Thank you again for this. I appreciate you.

      Like

  5. Thankfully he wasn’t successful on this. Having had a brother die to suicide and facing the reality of it, myself, on a few occasions, I can relate to the feelings of despair. The bottom line is this: You can’t prevent it, but you can make it more difficult from him to succeed. He must choose to live, to prevent the suicide.

    I see there are plenty of people above me that have recommended different resources, and I think that is a first start. But maybe you can help him come up with his own plan. Have him brainstorm ideas and an action plan, if he’s feeling that way again. First and foremost, he needs to get professional help – a therapist. The therapist will help him find ways to deal with his issues on his terms.

    And lastly, you are a great friend for taking this much concern for his well-being. Don’t give up and keep trying, because it’s worth it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Appreciated for the read. And appreciated for your advice. The only 1st solution will be for him to accept my help. And I pray he does. I would be devasted of something happens to him. I will try as much as possible to make him feel positive and I hope that he will look back and feel the pain he felt when he was doing that and never let his mind go there again..
      Thank you so so much..!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Do any of us know what the future holds? Most of us have an idea what we want it to look like, and we set plans out to make the future we want, but do we ever actually know? 🙂
        Maybe his main concern should be today and tomorrow will be handled tomorrow?

        Liked by 1 person

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