Lessons Learned!

I learned the hard way that I need no man to validate my worth. I learned that no amount of compliments from the opposite sex could heal the pain of my broken heart and my longing for you, so it’s better to stay away from the other gender while I’m still vulnerable. No texting, chatting, calling, accepting friend requests, or dating until my heart is fully healed.

I learned that it is not good to listen to everyone’s advice and believe what they told you no matter how old and experienced they are, because it just wouldn’t work for all kind of relationships. Sometimes believing in them could mean more harm than good in your relationship.

I learned the hard way too that it is a big NO to attempt getting revenge on your lover based on impulse. Yes, he may be a stupid douche bag who hurts you but revenge is still revenge and it won’t do any good. Think every action you’ll do 100x before you start doing it, and decide only when you’re not too happy or not too sad.

I learned that you can never explain things to someone who is mad because anger equals irrationality. You might have all the best intentions and reasons but to a pessimist, he’ll only see the worst in you. So do not let anything he ever told make you question your worth.

I learned that a woman’s silence is powerful. Women tend to blurt out everything they feel and think. It has been our nature for ages to nag and rant about anything and everything. Sometimes we rush to fix things while everything is still hot; sometimes it’s better to sleep it off and give each other space and time to think things through.

I learned that moving on isn’t something I should rush. As much as I have wanted to get over you quickly, I know it’s not how moving on works and the more pressure I give myself to get over you/us quickly, the longer I’ll take to heal.

I learned that I have to accept that we’ve both changed because right now we’re on our different paths farther and farther away from each other. Your favorite red-velvet crinkles might no longer be your favorite snack and you might already have forgotten the taste of everything I baked for you. As much as I wanted to welcome you back in my life, I know we’ll just never be the same again.

I learned how immature I’ve been and I can see clearly now how I could’ve done better. I still can’t stop thinking all the could’ve been if only we dealt with our problems like responsible adults. Yet I don’t regret anything that happened at all because it paved the way for my self-improvement. The Lord used the pain of your loss to make me realize how I could be so much more and how I could grow better.

I learned that no woman ever deserves to beg for love and that I am beautiful, smart, and capable of loving deeply and a masterpiece with or without a lover. I might be ripped and torn apart, but still a masterpiece. I’m beautiful, smart, faithful, capable of loving, and though I’ve been hurt, I’m still worth being fought for.

Lastly, I learned how to be patient in waiting. I have been thankful that I was able to love you truly, honestly, deeply, and faithfully during the span of time we’re together. I learned how to be patient in waiting until all of this makes sense as to why the Lord challenged us and placed us in this situation.

#Liveand Learn

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Don’t play wifey to a fuck boy.

The so-called dating in our generation. I will plaint you a picture: You meet a guy, it’s been four weeks and everything is going great, you like the same music, you enjoy the same memes so you decide to lay all your shit down and cater to him. 

You are the type of woman he needs in his life for him to leave all the bitches in his Whatsapp hanging. He once said, ” I feel like I have known you my whole life” and BAM! He is trying to skip the part where he puts in actual and consistent effort to really know you but you are snorting that line like cocaine, getting hallucinations that he is the one. You at his place making Chapatis, while you iron his shirt, pretending that you understand FIFA just to show him that you aren’t like all these other girls out here.

You’re loyal, down to earth, domestic and all that other apron stuff patriarchy demands of us. Even going as far as always paying for shit because he is ‘figuring out who he wants you to be’- acting like an investor more than a girlfriend.

“Are you warm?” “Have you eaten?” kind of texts have become your daily bread…mothering him into a relationship. G.L Lambert calls them, ‘domestic goddess tricks’. Sorry to burst your bubble but treating a man like your husband does not make you his wife. 

No amount of spoiling a man emotionally or sexually will get him to propose. If he is not interested in leaving the field because he thinks you are the one, he won’t leave them because you convince him. 

You know know he is still texting and talking to other ladies but you believe you have the magic portion that gives a marriage hard-on to every guy you meet. Wrong! Most guys know exactly what they want very early on in an interaction…he decided if he wants to bed you or wife you soon after you start spending time together hence if he is acting uninterested, it’s probably because he is. 

In conclusion, the only thing that can make a man settle down is the man himself. No amount of smothering/mothering, not even any amount of stripper moves can convince him that you are meant to be if he only thinks you are meant to be fucked or friend-zoned.

My solution is, work to be the best possible version of yourself. Do the things that make you happy and whoever finds you in that journey, walk together. Anytime a person walks away from you, that’s his problem not yours.”Getting a man should never be number one on your list” My father ones told me this exact words. And it is, your priorities are upside down. 

 #LiveandLearn

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Impact Of a Break Up.

[On her]

At night, 

Afraid of recurring nightmares,

Desperately at the dark ceiling she blankly stares.

Lost, nervous, appalled, dying,

Hours she spent dolefully crying.

In the morning, afraid to open her eyes,

She fears another day of grief and incessant cries.

text

[On Him]

Unaffected by their breakup’s storm,

He stepped onto a new platform.

Moving on he found someone else,

His each word, each action tells.

Was she so easy to forget?

Was she to him only a regret? 

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In response to Yesterday’s Daily Prompt: Banned and for the Discover Weekly Challenge; Mixing Media

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‘I Will Still Rise’.

songI won’t just survive
Oh, you will see me thrive
Can’t write my story
I’m beyond the archetype
I won’t just conform
No matter how you shake my core
‘Cause my roots, they run deep, oh

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Victory is in my veins
I know it, I know it
And I will not negotiate
I’ll fight it, I’ll fight it
I will transform…….

When, when the fire’s at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They’re whispering, “You’re out of time,”
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don’t be surprised
I will still rise….

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don’t doubt it, don’t doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed


Song of the year.

In response to yesterday’s Daily Prompt: Transformation and Song

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A Tiny Letter That I Will Never Send.

I thought of writing this letter as I listened to ‘Trey Songz’ album, Trigga. His been my celebrity crush for as long as he started singing and when he came to my country, Kenya. My city, Nairobi, he never had time for me. He broke me. This letter is for him. It is totally meant to be read in a humorous way.

***

Dear Trey,

I just want you to know that it’s over between us. It’s been a wonderful few years, darling, but our relationship can no longer continue. I can’t deny the chemistry between us, but our relationship just isn’t moving forward as I hoped it would. 

First of all, you hardly know I exist. I mean, come on, honey. Couples are supposed to make time for each other. But as of yet, you haven’t spent anytime with me.

Second,you made so many promises that you haven’t kept.

The first time I ever heard your voice, you told me that you can’t help but wait. I was taken then, but you said, you’d wait. Remember? 

You said you we were made to be together. 

You told me that I was simply amazing and was the song, ‘about you’ meant for me? I know it was. 

You said you never letting go and that almost got me a heart attack.

And you promised that we’d invent sex, I don’t know exactly what you meant at that time but well, I was eager to try. 

But I think communication has been the biggest problem for us. I haven’t gotten any of your phone calls or texts, emails or tweets. 

Do you know how much I’ve done for you? I’ve followed your career since the very beginning. I’ve watched every you tube clip and video about you – okay, not all but most of them. I’ve listened to every single song at least a hundred times, there was a point I would sent you countless tweets reminding you that I was thinking about you. But I stopped because you never replied back.

I hoped you would have invited me to your hotel or out to dinner when you came to my city? Come on Trey. Seriously?? I tried getting your attention when you were on Facebook Live, I commented one-two many times, so that you could see me but you never even gave me a shout out Trey.

Remember on your last days in Nairobi you went to a club, I was one of the scream-girls when you took off your shirt but you didn’t even look my way. 

I know I’m not as pretty and fit as some of the girls in your videos but I thought we had something special.

I guess I was wrong.

It’s over, Trey. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. Don’t tell me anything you’ve told me before because I will no longer believe you.

I will always be your die-hard fan but it just won’t be the same. But I wish you all the best in your career. Be happy.

Love,

Doreen.


In response to today’s Daily Prompt: Tiny

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Got this from his snapchat

Words To His Future Girlfriend.

Please be kind. Tell him you love him and tell him often.

Tell him when you stop fighting and before you start.

Fight, but fight as a way of fixing things not breaking them.

Fight about the places you want to go, not the ones you’ve been.

Know when to stop fighting. It’s okay to go to bed angry sometimes, as long as you wake up together.

It’s okay to hurt and be hurt.

Not all the time. Not even half of the time.

But loving someone means giving them the power to hurt you.

So be brave and bring bandages. Lots of bandages.

In response to today’s daily prompt; Volunteer

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You always have two options; To step forward into growth OR to step back into safety.

In order to make a million dollars, the average millionaire had to make 10,000 good decisions. 

This does not mean the average millionaire never made a bad decision. The average millionaire has gone bankrupt three times before ever becoming a millionaire.

What this means is that if you have trouble with making decisions, you will always get passed up by the action oriented type of person.

If you are the action oriented type of person, the one who can make decisions, you will always make more of a difference than the person who is always paralyzed by choice.

In life, it doesn’t matter so much that you’re right, it matters that you decided to try to move closer towards your goals. 

Of course it’s risky to be wrong and it can be painful to make a bad decision, but that’s why it’s rare and valuable skill.

In response to today’s Daily Prompt; Millions

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Will be a millionaire one day. Working really hard towards that goal. Photo credit; My Instagram Page

You can’t sit and wait for life to come. You have to go get it.

It seems we are always waiting for life to happen, events, people, awakening, understanding. How many times have I spoken the words or heard the words, I will do it when. When I have the time, money, energy, space, when….when….when

We begin the waiting game about the time our living life begins and we fully able to choose life paths. But, i would venture a good guess that its not the when that matters so much. At the heart of ‘when’ is our fear. 

It is fear that keeps us waiting more so that the when, when you take pause to contemplate the true reasons we wait. We all tend to think inside our own box of realities based on what worked in the past or that which no longer works in the present. Mostly, what worked in the past.

waitWe repeat the way in which we problem solve our challenges, the way we view the world and people, the way in which we move forward into the future. Most of us who wait  for life to happen to us, are overjoyed when something really good occurs and devastated when life goes awry.

Why wait for life to happen to us when we possess so much drive and ambition to create the life we want? Why let all your fears prevent the wonderful from taking place? 

Fear is a product of our thoughts, thoughts that may not in fact be true. What we fear, in all likelihood, will never happen. Instead, imagine all the possibilities, beautiful opportunities and experiences waiting to be etched onto your soul.

waiting-2Waiting out of fear gives rise to conversations such as, if only, regrets for opportunities not taken or even explored, places never visited, people not seen, money not found, jobs not applied for, creative talents cast aside. Waiting, always waiting for the right time, place, person, opportunity.

Life lived is not long when you arrive at the third act of your life and wonder where exactly did time go. Time passes more quickly, the days shorter, health and mobility not what it once was. Why, oh why, did I wait. That fear now seems so insignificant. If only.


Thank you Singing Soul for the amazing words. I had to share for my friends to read too.

In response to today’s Daily Prompt; waiting

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My Guide To a One-Night-Stand.

Every morning when I come to work, I prefer to listen to my downloaded music on my phone but today I forgot my earphones at home – that moment you pour everything in your handbag on your laps and search every pocket for the earphone. You just can’t believe you left them because you used to that…Fuck!!

Anyways, the bus had loud music when I boarded.hen the music stopped, the presenter’s on the radio station were talking about one-night-stand rules. I did not agree with some of them but I jotted the one’s I agreed with on my phone and thought I should share of what I thought on this topic. 

Let’s face it, the one night stand is a major part of millennial dating scene and modern hookup culture. As usual as it might be, there’s still a right and wrong way to go about it. Going about a one night stand can end very badly for all the parties. Just helping out here.

Before the Fling.

  1. Find out if he’s taken. If you don’t want to cause drama.
  2. Make your intentions clear. Let him know plain and simple that you’re only looking for a fling.
  3. Lay down rules that you expect him to follow. If he disagrees with any of your rules, don’t go through with it.
  4. For your safety, ask him if here’s anything you should know about his STD status. Not many would go for this step. But just ask, it never hurt to ask or discuss safe sex.
  5. Make sure you trust him. If you don’t, don’t let him stick it in you. 

During the Fling.

  1. Have fun. If you’re not having fun. What’s the point? 
  2. Keep the cell phones away. You never know. He might be the one to take your photo and video because it’s just a one night stand.
  3. Don’t pressure him to do something he doesn’t want to do or feel comfortable with and also don’t put up with him doing it to you.
  4. Be clean. No one whats to hook up with someone that smells like a dumpster.
  5. Be nice to you one night stand. Why are you there in the first place?

After the Fling.

  1. If it was really good, consider upgrading him to Friends with benefits. If you want to do it again, tell him. 
  2. Give him your contact details if you haven’t already in case you want round 2.
  3. Keep it discrete. A gentleman never kisses and tells, neither does a lady. Just like you wouldn’t appreciate him giving friends the play-by-play, he probably doesn’t want you to go talking about it to everyone. 
  4. Don’t get to clingy. A one night stand should have no strings attached to it. Don’t make the grave mistake of getting clingy, being too obvious or worse, becoming the crazy ex-girlfriend without even dating him. You will only be ruining your chances of casual fun afterwards.

In response to the Daily Prompt; trust and urgent

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It’s a dangerous thing when someone figures out you ain’t got the power to leave them.

You want them to do better by you. You want them to give you the world but his not doing so. You keep asking. Asking for him to be better. Asking for him to treat you the way you need to be treated. Asking for respect. Asking for esteem for him to build you up. For him to do the things it took to get you in the first place but he stopped. 

He stopped caring about you. He started hurting you. He told you, he will never hurt you. Remember that? He told you he will always be there for you but he wasn’t.

Where was he at when you needed him?

Sometimes people start to learn what you accept and what you don’t accept. And they continue to do things and push the limits of what you allow them to do. 

You are control of you. You are not control of him. You can control what people do to you and what they can do to you. But maybe his never learning because you’re never leaving.

Maybe he keeps doing the same thing he always does cause you never leave. Maybe he keeps texting her because he knows you gonna stay. Maybe he keeps hurting you because he knows you gonna stay.You need to change the way you handle yourself. What you accept and what you demand for yourself worth…then maybe he will.

It’s a dangerous thing when someone figures out you ain’t got the power to leave them.

Grab that power back. Let them know that you will only accept this much and then you gotta go. Let them know that you love you a lot more than they think. So if they won’t change, stop asking for it, start demanding and if nothing changes, then leave!


Source: “Ace Metaphor” (Follow him on Facebook and Instagram). Powerful relationship talks. He does his talks on Facebook Live. So you can chat with other people as you listen. This one spoke directly to my heart. So, I had to share. 

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