If you’re desperate to date, you should probably stay single.

Not being raised by a mother for a girl child is tough. It was really tough on me that I thought all the mistake I did growing up was because I had no one to talk to, no one to tell my troubles, no one to cry to, and no one to play that motherly role because only a she can understand her child. Yes, my father was around but never talked about anything other than Education. He raised me to be scared of him and for that, I preferred to keep things to myself. Bottle them up inside me and act on them by doing what I had to do.

I craved for someone to show me the love I was missing, any kind of love that I fell for any boy that came my way because I wanted the void of loneliness to disappear. As long as he was interested in me, I gave my all and I would do anything, even sacrifice my own life, my dreams, my morals and my family for that human.

Years down my path, here’s what I realized about being too desperate for love;

1. I was lonely. I already said that. And it really sucked but now I know that being alone is awesome! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want. I realized that I can create myself more when am at peace….alone!

2. I thought I could use a guy as a substitute for finding joy within myself because I was always unhappy on my own. It’s cheesy but true. But I realized I needed to love myself before truly loving someone else. If I make myself happy first, I won’t need to go looking for happiness in dates. They might as well be actually attracted to my secure sense of self.

3. I knew deep down that dating random guys wasn’t the answer but I did it anyways even though it never made me feel better. I simply reached out to anything that made me happy, a quick fix! 

4. I was trying to fill a void. I thought maybe it’s because of what an ex had left there or like I said, I had my own issues but I realized the void wouldn’t exist if I were a complete person on my own. Unfortunately no guy will ever solve the problem, and it’s really difficult to maintain a romantic relationship when you’re missing an essential piece of your soul.

5. Dating was more of a distraction. I thought I needed to take my mind off my latest breakups, or work stress, or family problems. What better way to do this that to go hook up with a random, or go on a date with someone your barely know? It’s was distractive for a while….but it never made the original issue disappear.

6. I realized that if I don’t take time out to get introspective about what I want and need, nothing will change. I will make the same mistakes over and over again, and attract the same guys for all the wrong reasons. It’ll be like the love life version of Groundhog Day. Make some changes, and stay single even though you can hardly stand it. 

7. I also realized that impatience to date leads to poor choices. I rushed to jump into bed and regretted it, among other things. One should always wait until it felt right instead of just following the horny desires. I knew I wasn’t going to get satisfying sex if I simply picked the first dude who strolls by.

8. Truth be told, people can smell desperation from a mile away. Once a dude realizes that you are needy and you keep trying hard, he will use you. You’ll only be attracting shitty guys with way.

9. I also realized that there’s a reason people find love when they aren’t looking for it in the least. It’s because they have taken the time to develop happiness on their own. It’s not about being incomplete without a partner. It’s about finding completion and then another complete person to walk alongside you, both standing tall.

Hope some of you will agree with me on this. Leave a comment if you do!





16 thoughts on “If you’re desperate to date, you should probably stay single.

  1. Rosie // Hookup Culture

    I know this feeling too well, I related to this so much. Desperation can cause you to settle for something that doesn’t make you happy – we need to find happiness within ourselves first 🙂 Relationships don’t fix all of your problems, but I thought one would for a longgggg time. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. TheOriginalPhoenix

    Very important post. I have the same issue of not being able to talk to my parents about my problems but for a slightly different reason. I’ve learned, luckily the easy way, to find happiness and acceptance in myself FIRST. Of course, I’ve never been in a relationship either so…😅

    Liked by 1 person

      1. TheOriginalPhoenix

        No no it’s actually more common to not be so close and for a lot of reasons. Occasionally, I envy those rare souls who enjoy a close relationship with their parents but jealousy is no way to sustain a life so I refrain from it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. eshinalidoreen Post author

        True that… I do too.. but If it wasn’t there since childhood there’s nothing we can do… we just learn and make sure we are not the same way to our unborn children.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Always put God first

    I know the feeling to well. I would get addicted to people because I loved the attention they gave me. No matter if they was hurting me or using me, I would still stay because I loved the attention. I didn’t get much attention when I was little from my parents so I tried to fill that void anyway I could, no matter if I was getting hurt in the process.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. eshinalidoreen Post author

      We were sailing on the same boat dear… but once you realize and figure yourself out, and want to create yourself because you’ve been hurt one too many times, it’s gets easier… this is me now; accepting my mistakes and leaving them behind to make a new me, without any of the fuck boys and hope God will grant me a true love….

      Liked by 1 person


    Impatience leads to poor choices. Girl I couldn’t agree more. Everything you have said here struck a chord with me, it hit close to home. Writing this must have taken so much courage!
    I found you on the community pool! It would be amazing if you could choose one of my blogs, read and comment on it.
    I just started out and am looking for some feedback 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Arnold Osoro

    i love this article and i agree with you totally because we are in a rush to fill a void and it’s only short-lived and you take months regretting and feeling betrayed. I believe that it’s always necessary to take a step back and ask yourself why you wanna date this particular person.

    Liked by 1 person


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