I have heard about you my entire life, but until recently, I never truly got to know you.
So many of us try to find you in stranger’s faces. Their lips. Their fingers brushing against ours, mouths connecting, attempt to get us closer to you, but to no avail.
When I was young, I looked for you in the face of my mother, but only sometimes you were there. I looked around to my peers but all I found were more blank faces trying to find you. Every single person around me was seeking you, finding you, marrying you, losing you, despising you, longing for you. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you’ve heard this before, Love.
So, I continued my search.
A boy once told me about you, he hid behind your face to tell me that he had found you and wanted to share a piece of you with me. I should have known that you only wear one face. But I didn’t. And no matter how many times he touched me you never appeared, Love.
As your friend ‘Time’ passed, I grew angry with you for letting so many people hide behind you, using your name in vain and I began to crave your opposite. I no longer trusted that you would find me some day, and honestly love, I wasn’t even sure you existed.
I later made friends with dark, tall and handsome boy with a beautiful smile and I thought for a second that maybe you were inside him. The more I listened to his claim to know you, the less I tried to hide from you, but I wasn’t sure which version of you I wanted to find in him, friendship, companionship, intimacy? Why do you wear so many faces, Love?
Then when I watched my best friend try to find you in the beds of so many, I sat with my arms around her shaking body as she cried over you. You burned her badly. Love. Whether it was you or that older boy who had no right to be touching her, you get the blame. Because you never came to save her.
To get over you, we watched people on screens try to imitate you and we laughed and cried, and eventually she began to trust you again, to crave you. I warned her to stay away from you. I told her to be careful, but she wouldn’t listen, Love. But lucky for her, your friends ‘Time’ was there to help her again.
I gave up searching for you until one day, a boy with dark skin and a light heart whispered that he knew you. He told me he could help me find you, but I wasn’t as quick to fall for his words as I had been when I first began to look for you.
He told me so many things, Love. He told me that you were worth the wait, and that I was worth the wait. I almost felt you then, but you slipped away before I could reach you. He was nothing like the rest of the boys who used the illusion of you to break off tiny pieces of me. I still wasn’t falling for it, or or you, just yet.
It wasn’t until my dark and light heart boy turned into a man and I was finally ready to ask him where you were. You know what happened, Love? He led me to a mirror, gently took me by the shoulders and turned me around to face you.
WordPress Family, I was lost for a while but now am back.