What I Have Learned About Closure. You Don’t Need It.

Okay, you’ve cried a GA-zillions of tears. You even forget to eat. You’ve slept in on most of your favorite days – the weekends. And even in those days, there are sleepless nights. You’ve distanced yourself from your friends because you feel low, stressed and depressed. And you don’t want them to see you that way because they kept telling you, “His not the one for you.” But you got mad and stopped hanging out with them.

Well, his not coming back. And now your heart aches like never before because you loved him more than he loved you. And now you want to know everything when it comes to his feelings. You deserve answers. You deserve to know why.

So you pick up that phone and text him…

“Hey I just want to know why? Why you hurt me so much when you claimed to love me?”

Of course he doesn’t reply immediately. More reason for you to go crazy because you really want to know why. Then he replies six hours later and the words said hurt you more.

“I was never ready for a commitment. Let me find myself first. I’m really sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.”

So you wonder. After an almost three year relationship, that’s when you realized you are not ready for a commitment? That you need to find yourself? What a stupid excuse. And of course, it’s not me, it’s always been you.

“Okay then, you go find yourself. I hope you find yourself or rather what you’re looking for.”

Anyways, here’s what I have learned about CLOSURE. Some answers will be just pure lies and some answers will be truth. At the end of the day, whether you get closure or not, it doesn’t really change the situation, the outcome or someone else’s feelings for you.

Based on the history I have had with each of them and what I found out about them later, these were nothing but excuses because shortly after, they either dated someone else or reconnected with their exes.

That’s when I realized that those who fail to give you closure are those who are still looking for closure themselves. They’re confused. They’re lost. They’re still trying to win an ex back. They still want to date someone who fulfills their fantasy – someone with a dream job, a certain look or a certain degree. They’re all concerned about something else or someone else. They’re distracted. They don’t see things the way you see them because they’re still engrossed in some unfinished business from their past so they fail to give you what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Even if you get your closure, it truly won’t make a difference because the person giving you the closure you’re asking for is already lost. Their answer won’t help you or give you the realization you’re looking for. The answer will probably not make sense to you because it doesn’t make sense to them.  Their answer is to make them feel less guilty about abandoning something that could have been great.

You don’t need an apology from someone who gave up on you. You don’t need to hear lies from someone who wasn’t invested enough to stay and work things out.

You don’t need closure from them. Closure comes from you.

Closure is shouting “Fuck you” at the top of your lungs with your middle finger up in the air because it makes you feel better. Closure is doing perfectly fine today, doing things you enjoy, and the next moment, you are down in your bathroom floor crying and asking what went wrong.

Closure is that hope in your heart that you did what you can do today to survive and wishing you’ll be better tomorrow. Closure is not forgetting. It’s not about erasing them from your memory and pretending they never existed. Closure is being fine with remembering.

Closure is sleeping at night with a clean conscience and knowing that after all the unreturned texts, mixed signals, lying, manipulation and all the bullshit they threw at you – you survived.

Closure does not require their consent. It doesn’t require their explanation or their approval. Closure does not require their acknowledgement.

You don’t need answer. You don’t need to know why he left. Sometimes you just need to close some doors without ever knocking back on them.

#LiveandLearn

 

 

 

 

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