I’ve Spent Too Much Time Trying To Be The Girl I Thought Guys Wanted And I’m Over That.

I remember in college and a little bit after college before I realized what I’m writing now – and I mean this post – when I was interested in a guy, I used to think “I hope he likes me!” which would usually make me want to be everything I thought he wanted in order to get him. Ugh! Now, I’m over all that crap and I’m so much happier.

I just learned to insist to always being me.

And it did take so much pressure off me. Because honestly, it’s exhausting as fuck to try to be what someone else wants all the time. Why the hell should I do it anyway? It’s like I used to be afraid of not being liked. Ugh! Now I’d rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I’m not.

Screw trying to be what a guy wants. These days, I want a guy who wants me – the real me – or else he can fuck off my life before wasting my time. If he can’t accept and love me for who I am then his not right for me.

It’s really important for me to show the guy who I really am, flaws included. When we’re both open about our great and not-so-great qualities, it shows us if we’re really compatible. Instead of hiding my flaws out of fear that they’ll put the guy off me, now I know that my flaws will only put off the wrong guys.

I remember I used to be worried about what a guy wanted in a girlfriend and I always ended up dumped and heartbroken. Maybe the guys could tell I wasn’t being my true self or I was just turning relationship into giant stressful situation by trying to be perfect. Whatever the case, the relationship never worked out, cause they just weren’t real. Now that I’m more me, I can make healthy relationship work much better.

Another thing I always tried to do in the past was be super nice to guys I dated. When I wanted to express what was on my mind, often I didn’t because I feared I’d be called crazy or bitchy” or “nagging”  or just be dumped! What the fuck was I thinking? Screw that. Now I want to be open about my feelings so I do myself justice. If a guy doesn’t like it, he can leave.

The worst mistake – when I made the guy I was dating my priority, I totally neglected and what I wanted. Hell, I became someone else entirely to keep him so it was only a matter of time before I forgot who I really was. I’d end up alone after the breakup, not sure what I wanted from life. Now, I don’t allow that to happen. I stay true to things I love and who I am even when a great guy comes alone. It’s healthy and keeps me sane.

And when I walk into a first date, I no longer obsess about what the guy’s looking for in a woman so I can try to be that. Screw that. I now think, “what do I want in a guy?” I focus on whether he’s a match for me instead of the other way around. It’s the only way to avoid toxic relationships. For me!

#LiveandLearn

black girl 3

 

 

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