The pain was unbearable. It was like someone stabbed me with a sharp knife and they were twisting it in the wound. I ran out into the cold rain. It was pouring but I didn’t care. I kept running and running.
I tried to escape from the cruel and painful reality that was holding me in its tight grip. I wanted to run into his hospital rooms to see that everything is okay….that everything I’ve been told was a lie and that he was alright. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and I could barely breathe.
I ran into the hospital, searching for familiar faces. I wanted to ask someone about where he was but there was no one at the reception and so I decided to look for him myself.
I ran through the hospital pushing through everyone. When I finally spotted Antony’s parents, I stopped. The sight of them made my heart ache. Mrs. Tunde was locked tight in her husband’s arms, weeping loudly on his shoulders while he just sobbed comforting her.
When he noticed me, he looked at me and moved gently to the side revealing a door which hid a room full of sorrow. They didn’t have to say anything and I knew. I walked carefully to the door and pushed it open hoping that he won’t be there but the door revealed a bed where he was laying so lifelessly.
My knees felt weak. I just about managed to get to his bed before crumbling to the ground. I grabbed his ice cold hand and squeezed it but it didn’t squeeze back.
I cried. “No! It can’t be!” I could barely say the words. It’s like they were almost trapped in my throat. I kept trying to convince myself that it was all just a scary nightmare and that when I wake up, he’d be sitting in front of me with his angelic smile.
“Wake up! Wake Up!” I screamed at myself and closed my eyes tightly but when I opened them, I was still there in the melancholic room with magnolia walls and white polystyrene ceiling. There was a small window opposite the door. The raindrops were sliding down the glass making it look like a scene from a movie that every broken heart knows.
That’s all it felt like to me. A movie. It couldn’t have all been real. Could it? I felt like I wasn’t even controlling my body. I felt like I was just watching from a distance with the rest of the audience.
To the left of the window was a white machine. A machine that once recorded his heartbeat and that was once beeping along to the rhythm of his pulse…but now it was completely silent. Next to the machine was a low metal-framed bed. I looked at his beautiful face again. He looked like he was just sleeping and it almost seemed as though he was smiling. He lay still, in the snowy white sheets. I sat there beside the bed, our fingers still interlocked.
“Antony…Don’t do this to me” I cried out. “You promised…”My voice broke. “You promised you’d always be there! That you would never leave me!”
I lost a friend in 2009. Car accident tragedy. I have never talked about it ever since. Last night, I dreamed about him and the story did not exactly happen like that in 2009, but it happened like that in the dream. His face was the one in the bed. And I woke up with tears in my eyes.
Since I have never talked about it, I will formulate short stories about my feeling then….about I felt when I lost him.. My emotions, My pain, His funeral, My final Goodbyes….We were really close.
Names changed though!