Checking up your boyfriend’s phone has been pretty normalized these days. Raise your hand if this sounds familiar. Been there, done that and I found something I didn’t like and I obsessed over it for days wondering whether that LOL was really just a friendly laugh.
In the world of smartphones, dating is a whole new game. We text instead of call. We find perfect matches with the swipe of our thumbs. We start (and end) relationships by pressing “send”. With the simple press of a button, you have access to everything your loved one does on their phone–every tweet, text, email, and phone call.
Sure, you’re curious. I was really really curious when I did at first. Needing to have his passwords and creep on his messages when he leaves the room is a huge red flag. I know! If you are currently fighting the ‘snooping disease’, you need to ask yourself these questions to see if it’s indicative of a much bigger issue:
- Is your relationship healthy? If you’re being totally honest with yourself, is your relationship with this guy a healthy one? Does he give you love and loyalty and do you give it back? My guess is there are some unresolved issues under there if you are paranoid about his phone and what he is doing. Maybe those issues are within yourself, or maybe they need to be worked out as a couple but don’t sweep them under the rug.
- Does he respect YOU? He does have a right to his own life and privacy, you also have a right to respect. If he is intentionally hiding things from you or being disrespectful to your relationship, don’t put up with that. At that point, is it really even worth stalking his messages? Just save yourself the time and dump him—use that energy for something meaningful and don’t waste it on a guy who sucks anyway.
- Are you worried about other girls that aren’t you? Be honest. It’s so easy to dream up the worst case scenario in your head when you see a pretty girl in a photo with your guy, but you can’t trust your emotions all the time. Do you have a real reason to be worried about that girl or are your insecurities just setting in? Reminder: If a guy’s serious about you, he’s serious about ONLY you. Take notes.
- Has he ever cheated? Does this guy have a past? Obviously, if he’s cheated on you (or anyone else for that matter) you’re going to have some trust issues. Maybe you’re reaching for your phone because you think he hasn’t changed. On the other hand, maybe you’re struggling to let go of the past and give him the chance to redeem himself.
Is your gut trying to tell you something? Yes, we overreact sometimes, but women are also amazing at reading people. If you’re sure you’re not just overreacting to whatever he said or did, maybe your gut is trying to tell you something is off. You’re sitting here trying to figure out what really is going on and things just aren’t adding up, listen to that voice and get rid of him. Always try to use reason first, but if reason fails, your gut is always spot on.
If you’re worrying so much, have you consider maybe you’re in the wrong relationship? When it comes down to it, no matter why you’re feeling insecure about what your guy is doing, you shouldn’t have to worry about your relationship. If he truly loves you and is someone you should be with, he will prove it to you. You won’t worry about that girl co-worker or childhood friend and you’ll be okay when he goes out with the boys. Healthy relationships just aren’t high maintenance.