12 Things I Would Want My Ex To Know

“I wish I could tell you in person, but I cannot.”

@my ex: I wish you would have appreciated me when you had me instead of deciding to appreciate me once I left.

@my ex: I wish you would’ve let me know my worth instead of fighting for it.

@my ex: I wish you did not just want me and the other girls you dated for their bodies. Look at the qualities the girls have in their minds

@my ex: Wish you understand what you did is classified as abuse

@my ex: I hope you see someday why I had to end things with you. We were in two different points in our lives and we didn’t need to hold each other back.

@my ex: I wish someday you would realize how much you really fucked me up. No girl should ever be treated the way you treated me.

@my ex: I wish you would have loved me like I loved you.

@my ex: I wish you put in more effort.

@my ex: I wish you could have communicated directly to me instead of your friends.

@my ex: Using other people will not fix you or fill you, it just creates more emptiness within you and those you claim to love.

@my ex: You never appreciated all that I did for you. I am so grateful God showed me the light and allowed me to see life without you would be so much better for me. Now I am happier than I ever was with you.

@my ex: I hope all is well for you, and I hope that you’re really still happy, and that whatever you’ve chosen to do takes you far.

#liveandlearn

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My Word For 2018

Years pass on, and we grow. But every year is different in its own way. Some years break us, and some years shape us. 2017 came in both ways, but God let me bend, but He did not let me break.

I feel like the past year I was stagnant. I just don’t feel like I was committed to any one thing with my whole being. I just sort of…well, fell all over the place too much to be organized even though I got a few things done.

For 2018, I thought I’d do something different and choose a Word of the Year for myself.

DO is my word.

From Shonda Rhimes book – Year of Yes, which is my other book of the month, she says, DITCH THE DREAM. BE A DOER, NOT A DREAMER. Maybe you know exactly what you dream of being. Or maybe you’re paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. It doesn’t have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring, and dreams are not real. Just…..DO.

You think, “I wish I could travel” – you sell your crappy car and buy a ticket and go to Bangkok right now. I’m serious. You say, “I want to be a writer” – guess what?  A writer is someone who writes every day. Start writing. Or: you don’t have a job? Get one. ANY JOB. Don’t sit at home waiting for the magical dream opportunity. Who are you? Prince William? No. Get a job. Work. Do until you can do something else.”

From that, I decided in 2018, everyday I will DO one thing that is good for me. Even if i don’t want to. Even when it’s the last thing I want to do. I’m not asking myself to change my routine; instead I’m challenging myself to make one tiny adjustment per day.

What is your word for the year?

#liveandlearn

 

 

Why I Write My Thoughts and Feelings On The Internet.

I write to find my voice. The voice that doesn’t always speak the truth to people but find its truth on paper.

I write to expose the vulnerability that I try to curb every day. I write to free myself.

I write to try to understand the person that lives inside me, the person that confuses me sometimes and comforts me every now and then.

I write to share my stories. The stories that actually happened and the stories that I wished had happened.

I write to forget certain people, or maybe I write to remember them.

I write to connect with strangers, to make new friends and to know that I’m not alone.

I write about my past to remember that I survived and that time heals all wounds.

I write about my future because I want to paint it the way I like it.

I write about my present because I’m still trying to figure out how to live it.

I write about conversations I wish I could have.

I write about a love I haven’t found yet.

I write about things I’m searching for. I write so I can imagine myself finding them.

I write because writing comes from the heart, I write because my mind can’t get involved in the process.

I write because writing allows me to be anyone I want, to erase certain memories, to relive certain memories or even start a new chapter.

I write because I want my children and grandchildren to understand me and see how times can change.

I write because somehow I want to leave something for them to remember me by – I want to leave something for the world to remember me by.

I write for those who are broken and those who are whole, for those who are in love and those who are in pain.

I write for those who feel things so deeply and who are moved by words that capture their emotions.

I write because one day I will look back and see how much I’ve grown.

I write because one day my writing will save me even if it kills me.

I write even when I don’t feel like writing; because the more I write, the more the world makes sense to me, the more I write, the more I find myself and the more I write, the more I believe that somehow I can still control how my story ends.

#liveandlearn

Daily Prompt: Theory

#bloggingbranding

 

So Far Into 2017, Ten Irreplaceable Lessons Learned.

  1. Family is important, but not as important as you. Sure, there is heritage history, family roots. But when you find your true calling, do not hesitate to fly away and become who you really are. Family is important, it’s a step up to the world, but if you do not move your wings, how will you know how far you can go?
  2. Life can always be good. When the going get tough and your world is falling apart, be brave enough to see the things that make you you. Things that make you whole and that keep your spirits high. The sun still shines bright behind the clouds. No matter what you still have, you.
  3. You can always be a kid. Even if you are an adult. Even if the obligations of your life are too overwhelming, find some time to play to do something different. In other words, never cease amazing yourself. Having fun is obligatory, in every aspect of your life.
  4. It okay to cry. Never be ashamed of your feelings. Even when you believe that you should not, please cry. Nothing compares to the soothing effect that crying your heart out has. Then, when you think you’ve had enough, pack your dignity and go on.
  5. Keep negative people away. When you realize that people close to you are not being honest, that they are not happy for your happiness or that they are not the friends you thought they were do not be afraid to cut it off and set yourself free from the relationship. People only take you so far. Do not hold yourself back in order to maintain an association.
  6. Be curious. Read, study, train, laugh, travel, talk, dance, write, learn, live. In a world as colorful as ours, there is no place in life for boredom. Truth be told, not everyone can be a multitasker. It’s in your hands to have a full life though. So go on strong.
  7. Forgive and Forget. Life has its own way of repairing broken hearts. Do not allow hate to rest in your soul. Let things go and it will all get better.
  8. You are allowed to change your mind. Your truth, will always be the same, but opinions change. You learn, you think, you build up your mind, you change. Be open to new information.
  9. Things are never black or white. Everybody has their own side of the story. If you can understand this, you can understand people.
  10. Never lose your innocence. Always try to find and believe in the good. Like it or not, everybody has some goodness in them. So try to see that, and if they give you a reason to doubt them, move on.

HAPPY NOVEMBER! and allows be happy, welcome graciously, smile and care for others. Never allow yourself to be caged, because a breeze in a tin always dies. 

#LiveandLearn

 

Here’s Why You Need a Vision Board.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of a vision board. It’s a pretty well-known device that most people know from the book and film The Secret. Google, if you not sure what I’m talking about.

Okay? Moving on….

A vision board is a piece of paper, a piece of Bristol board or a chalkboard – any surface, really – that has images of all the things you want to obtain in life. The idea is to collect images that represent your goals and paste them onto the board to create a collage. Then you place the board someplace where you see it often, reminding you of your goals.

Creating a vision board gives you clarity about what your goals are. People know that have to work really hard, so they do, but sometimes they’re unsure of what they’re really working for. What’s the goal? After all, can’t get what you want in life if you don’t know what you want.

Something like ‘money’ isn’t a clear goal. How will you ever know if you’ve made enough money to achieve your goal of making money? Does money mean a nice dress or a private jet? Set goals and define them with clear images. You can’t hustle toward a blurry picture because you’ll never know if you’ve gotten there.

Create a vision board and be honest about what you want. If you want a nice car, put it on there. If you want six pack, put it on there too. Put all of it on there. Now you know what you’re aiming for.

This vision board will help you to be self aware. For some people, success means owing a yacht; for others, it means being a good parent e.t.c. When you begin pasting your goals onto a board, you can have a better understanding of how you define success. Your vision board will be filled with all the things you think are important. Taking a look at your vision board can often help you understand why you make the decisions you make.

If  you are having a hard time making a decision about something – you have two choices and both are tempting – refer to the goals on your board and evaluate which of the two options align better with your vision. Often you will find that a tempting choice does not do anything to help you achieve your goals – it only divides your attention.

Giving your board a glance can help you keep your eyes on the prize without being distracted by shiny objects. It will constantly remind you of what you want in life. Now that you have clarity and self awareness, you can motivate yourself by storing your goals in your subconsciousness.

#LiveandLearn

Birthday Photos

Hi WordPress Family,

Yesterday was my birthday, 2nd March. I turned 26. Its not too late for birthday wishes from you…:) Not many people get to celebrate their birthdays but my family always makes it worthwhile for me. Thanks to my dad for bringing us up with this tradition.

#AboutYesterday on my birthday.

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Now you know how I looked when I turned 26.

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All smiles for the camera

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…with sister who made everything happen.

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…with elder sister..

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…with younger brother and nephew

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Dad and small sister. I just don’t know why my father doesn’t smile… #FatherOftheYear and #Fatherformoreyears to come

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Selfie with the entire crew.

Took more videos than photos…you can add me on instagram: doreeneshinali to see the few I posted of the cake.

#LiveandLearn

My Good and Bad List of 2017.

Well, 2017 started off well but a few bumps along the way made me stop writing for a while. Lemme share with you for things that have happened so far.

THE BAD

  1. I lost my Job – I wasn’t fired. There was downsizing at work and I was part of the group. But anyways, that’s life as it is but am not going to give up so easily.
  2. I added weight when I thought I was loosing….Damn! So, I made it better.
  3. I lost a lot of friends but most of them I knew them from my boyfriend, but after the break-up, I just choose to keep them off me either way, not all of them were of much help. They were in my life because he was in my life. So, its a good and a bad thing. But let it be here.
  4. My Facebook timeline was filled with people dying this year or something bad happened to someone and it’s not in the middle of the year. Am just glad it never happened to anyone so close to me. But for those who lost someone in 2017, my condolence.

THE GOOD

  1. Finished writing my book but still working on the publishing. Used up most of my saving for this. No regrets!
  2. I was able to walk away from a toxic relationship (the hardest but a worth it decision ever made in 2017)
  3. I enrolled back to school for my Masters in Business Administration. (This is what has been keeping me busy most of the time.) Staying out of school for 2 years then going back is hard to catch-on.
  4. I started working out using this You tube Workout. Home Cardio Workout With No Equipment. Its such a sweaty training session but its worth it. I just started so, waiting to see the results after few more workouts. You should try it though.
  5. I never used to read my Bible for a very long time but in 2017, I read at least a verse everyday and pray every morning and evening, also something that I used to forget often.
  6. Oooh, one more…I decided to go Natural. I mean Natural Hair. I never braided or weaved my hair in February, now onto the next month. I love it!

Looking at my list now, I guess most of the things have been good….I pray for them to keep being good. I feel good about it. Updates after two months or so.

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A Letter To The Younger Me.

Dear Younger Me,

I love you. I really do.

I’m sorry about all that you went through. You had to learn about how cruel the world is the hard way. You had to realized that not everyone was your friend or liked you. You had to realize getting what you wanted or accomplishing your dreams was never as easy as the movies made it seem.

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The Year 2010

But, you are strong and through it all you kept a smile on your face. Yes, there were some nights when you cried yourself to sleep and wondered why you existed in such a cruel world. And those moments were you never wanted to wake up again and exist in this world.

You made it though. You got through it all, even with your own trials and tribulations that others might have deem irrelevant or not difficult enough. To you, it was as if you were fighting an army all by yourself. You always had God with you, sweetie, at times it may not have felt like it, but He was there.

Are you proud of what we become?

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The Year 2015

I learned to have a good time and not to trust anyone within few minutes of meeting them. Our trust and respect is valuable, we can’t just give it out to anyone. I have become an intelligent young woman who flourishes, but I still have my moments.

Did I tell you? We have found our Gift, we are good at something sweetie. We may not be the best, but we have a great passion writing. Ok! Maybe, still working on it, working on a writing project for next year….if we make it through.

As of right now, I’m just content with life. It’s not the best or the worst, but it is mine and I want to make the best of it. 

I still have my moments. I’m not always happy, I have sad days and my angry days. Occasionally, sadness may overwhelm me. I’m working on myself though, I want to be a happier and healthier version of us in a few years. There’s something inside of me that needs to be healed or at least fixed, and I want to do that before our 2017 birthday. It’s still months away. 

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The Year 2016

I promise you, we will have a better life than before. We will be someone who our Mom and Dad will be proud of. We will succeed, where others have failed. We will be brave, where others have lost courage. We will have strength, where others have been weak. We will have a Guide, where others had no one.

I am working for a better life for us to live. We will have one.

We should thank our God for making it this far. 

Until next time.

#LiveandLearn

 

 

 

 

Read This When You’re Having One of Those Days.

Sometimes it’s just a “too much” day.

You know those days, right? Or is it just me? 

The days where you wake up, and immediately can tell that today, this day, will be a hard one. You get ready for your day, and your hair just won’t sit right. Your makeup won’t go on correctly. You spill your coffee on your favorite white blouse. Your pants are just a bit too snug. 

You scream, “Why won’t this day just END already?” Do you know those type of days I’m talking about?

When you make it to work, your boss decides on this day, this already tough day to remind you of all your shortcomings at work. Your report was late, your drawer balance was off, your computing skills are still not up to par. 

All of the customers you have to see on this already “too much” day are not being helpful wither. They’re yelling. They’re screaming. They’re using every single bad part of their day and taking it out on you. On the one person who is already having a rough day; Panic attacks. Anxiety attacks. Crying fits. Everything feels wrong. Nothing feels right. Everything seems like it’s a mess. Even breathing is hard. Why is life so tough? Why does everything in the world have to fall apart on one day? On this day? Why do days like this happen? Are they just a cruel reminder that, on some days, we need to know that we are not the ones in total control? Is it just a “haha Fuck You” from life?

So, on a too much day, what do we do to bring the calm to storm?

We breathe, or try to. We listen to music. We listen to calming words. If you’ve ever had a “too much” day, you know that calming areas and surroundings are of the utmost importance. We lay down, close our eyes, and we hope, with our microscopic hopefulness left inside, that tomorrow will be a better day.

We hope that tomorrow won’t be a “too much” day.

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#LiveandLearn

Life Before 25 – Part 2 (My First Book Of Memory Tales) is DONE!

Good Morning Readers, 

Being silent on my blog working on my First Book of Memory Tales; Life Before 25. Well, in it, it’s all about me and my past little life I have lived. I call myself ‘Nancy’ in my Book. Don’t know why!

On the Previous Post – Part 1, I posted the book cover but I assured you that it will change with time. Yes! It has changed. 

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The Front Cover

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Back cover….which might change again. Maybe the font! 

Now that am done writing and my editor is still reading for any written changes, I would love if you guys would advice me about Amazon or any other online publishing websites for an ebook because I just don’t want to sell it locally but internationally. I have done my research and I have seen variety but I just don’t know how to go about them. Anyone whose used these sites, kindly leave a comment for advice. 

I would really appreciate that!

Thank you.

#LiveandLearn