Sex Won’t Keep Him

Sleeping with him won’t make him stay. At least not the way you want him to anyway. Even when it’s 3 am and all you want is to feel his skin against yours like an addict aches for his drugs, don’t do it. You have been there before.

I’ve met many women who have had sex with men thinking that they would keep them. Thinking that by some miracle it will bring him closer to her. This is an honest mistake that women and probably men too, make, however, I’m speaking from the female perspective on this one. Sorry boys. Some men can be deceiving. They treat you nice, tell you all that you want to hear. They drip honey into your ears. They know how to get into your panties. They have become so good at it, that they can have you drop them as quickly as they drop you after you give up the goodies. This fucking sucks! By then you’re probably head over heals for him. 

This is one of the worst things that can happen to your self confidence. You are probably all in your head thinking about what you did wrong. “Was I not good in bed. Am I not good enough” Stop it right there. Babe, you didn’t do anything wrong. He just didn’t care about your feelings.

You see, someone who cares about you won’t use you in that way. He will respect you and be his true authentic self around you. He will give you the honest choice to make the decision to sleep with him. No gimmicks, no sweet talk, and none of the bullshit he puts on to get pussy. That’s the honest truth. Also, remember that men are much better at living in the moment than women.

When the right man comes along, he will respect you. He will respect your choice to protect your heart and get to know him before you sleep with him. Your self love and worth would be good enough for him, and if you do sleep with him, it will be special. He will give you the choice to make that decision based on his true intentions and that is an man worth fighting for. Do you agree?



#20somethingdating, #being-in-your-twenties, #dating, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #my-concepts, #sex, #sex-talk, #teensex, #thoughts-and-feelings, #twenties-love

To The Love I Wasn’t Ready For, I’m Sorry

After my last relationship, the one that broke me the most, I decided to take a break from dating. I needed time alone. I needed to find myself again. Because with him, I lost myself. 

From being alone, I learned the lesson that the universe has been trying to teach me all along but I was too stubborn to listen.

I learned how to depend on myself. I realized that family doesn’t always mean love, and romance doesn’t mean forever. I learned that I better find a way to always make it on my own because my friends won’t help me and my prince charming won’t come save and my family won’t always be there. 

And as months went on, and I continued enjoying my own company, I met a guy. And we hit it off as friends, at least that’s what I thought. Soon, there was an ‘ I like you’ text from him then ‘I like you so so much’ then ‘cant we date’ text. This came after three months of friendship.

At this moment, I was 8 months single, and my girlfriends would tell me, ‘when will you ever know that you’re done with your ex if you don’t get into another relationship?’ ‘You’ve got a guy that likes and adores you so much’ ‘why don’t you date him and see where it leads to?’

It was so damn clear that he liked me very much. For the sake of my friends and their everyday advice, I agreed. 

‘Yes I will date you’ I replied a week later. 

This happened in November 2017. 

Through December, everything was good. We spent new years together and that’s when he told me, he loves me. But I couldn’t reply back. 

“I love you” has always been a difficult thing for me to say. It’s not that I’m incapable of loving people, but I didn’t grow up in an overly warm household and a lot of that probably rubbed off on me. My father was always distant even when he was right there in front of me, and sometimes all I wanted was for him to tell me that he loved me, to make me feel loved. It never happened, and I always felt like the unloved child of the bunch until I learned to start loving myself.

So when I get into relationships I’m almost never the first person to say “I love you,” even if I know I’m bat shit cray cray/head over heels for someone. It’s not great, I know, but I’m one of those people who just assumes that the other person knows how I feel already. I always do cute little things and drop subtle hints so they know I care. Actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

He continued with the ‘i love you’ texts and after every phone call and every time we parted ways from dates. I still never said it back. Not even once. 

January came and went. Then at the start of February, i called it quits.

I did that because, not only that saying ‘I love you’ has always been a difficult thing for me to say, but also, I realized that, I’m not ready to love again. 

At the moment, I want to keep working on me, to keep bettering myself, keep getting my life on track, completing all the things I want to do and becoming happy on my own. I want to fill in the blanks in my own life, I don’t want to turn to someone and have them fill in the blanks for me. I don’t want someone to come in and try to complete me because I want to be complete on my own.

Maybe one day, I will be ready to love again. But not today.

They say time heals everything, but unfortunately time had not fully taken its course to heal me and soon enough, my insecurities returned once again and my troubling past came back to haunt me.

In case you come across this post, I just want to say that I’m truly sorry I was not ready for you. I’m truly sorry that I was not able to accept the love you were more than willing to give me. I’m sorry for the apology I never gave you when I said I wasn’t ready for you. I’m sorry for providing no explanation for the sudden pain I might have caused you. 

Most of all I’m sorry for convincing myself I was ready to love again.

Before you came along, I was recovering. I was trying to understand how I could give my all to someone and it was still not enough for someone to stick around. I thought I finally had a grip on the understanding that perhaps you were the perfect solution to fix my problems. But you weren’t. 


#dating, #friendship, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #love, #love-life, #my-concepts, #relationships, #thoughts-and-feelings

12 Things I Would Want My Ex To Know

“I wish I could tell you in person, but I cannot.”

@my ex: I wish you would have appreciated me when you had me instead of deciding to appreciate me once I left.

@my ex: I wish you would’ve let me know my worth instead of fighting for it.

@my ex: I wish you did not just want me and the other girls you dated for their bodies. Look at the qualities the girls have in their minds

@my ex: Wish you understand what you did is classified as abuse

@my ex: I hope you see someday why I had to end things with you. We were in two different points in our lives and we didn’t need to hold each other back.

@my ex: I wish someday you would realize how much you really fucked me up. No girl should ever be treated the way you treated me.

@my ex: I wish you would have loved me like I loved you.

@my ex: I wish you put in more effort.

@my ex: I wish you could have communicated directly to me instead of your friends.

@my ex: Using other people will not fix you or fill you, it just creates more emptiness within you and those you claim to love.

@my ex: You never appreciated all that I did for you. I am so grateful God showed me the light and allowed me to see life without you would be so much better for me. Now I am happier than I ever was with you.

@my ex: I hope all is well for you, and I hope that you’re really still happy, and that whatever you’ve chosen to do takes you far.


#dating, #hookups, #love, #modern-dating, #relationship, #thoughts-and-feelings, #toxic-friends, #toxic-people

Things I Regularly Encounter When I Decide To Date

I try. I try really hard to still believe in this thing called ‘Love’ but the more I witness and personally experience in regards to dating and love, the more I realize that my pessimism is more than warranted.

So here are some things I regularly encounter:

When I first heard of [1] ghosting, I thought it was a rare phenomenon. Who were these awful, evil guys running around stringing women along, then dropping off the face of the earth? Were they raised by wolves. What is their problem? Then it happened to me one two many times. But the one I remember was a guy who swept me off my feet, charmed the pants off me for a year, then disappeared only to return a year later asking if I wanted to get together. WTF!!! I politely reminded him that he had ghosted me one year ago, he can get together with someone else.

Then there’s being [2] benched-you know, when you have to be the cause of another woman being benched. Although I have never being benched. What had happened was, a guy I liked told me: “I’m interested in both of you. But I’ve put things on hold with her to see where things go with you.” I’m sorry. WTF!! After an argument about what he was doing and him denying that he was benching her, that was the end. I’m assuming he went back to her – until he found someone else for whom he could bench her again.

I realized, [3] lying, especially when it comes to dating, love and relationships, is nothing new. But come the hell on! If you’re going to lie to me about where you were, what you were doing, and who you were with, cover your tracks! Don’t let yourself get tagged in an Instagram or Facebook photo. While I don’t advocate for lying, I can say that no woman would let herself get caught in a lie, because we’re smart enough to plan it all out properly!

So there I am texting a guy and then he just stops responding. For days. When I hear from him again, I get the whole, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see your texts because I wasn’t near my phone.” Oh, really? This is 2017 (it happened then); we’re all in some serious relationships with our phones and, boy, I saw you liking photos on IG and retweeting crap on Twitter, but go ahead and tell me again you didn’t see my texts. You straight-up [4] ignored me; at least own up to that crap.

On the flip side of being ignored, when I’ve decided that things aren’t working out with a guy, even if we’ve only dated a couple time, [5] I get called a whore for it. Sometimes a bitch. Me taking the high road to say I’m not interested, as opposed to ghosting, leads to me being insulted. And disgustingly, if I took the low road and ghosted them instead, I’d get the same response. It’s really hard for women to win in this dating game; we’re all a whore when we piss off a guy.

Then when love  starts to fade or few arguments here and there, shaking up the relationship a bit, [6] you’re passed over for someone “better”. When the wording of, “I met someone better for me” is thrown at you. Okay then, you met them, then leave. TF! You don’t have to be all up in my face with that.

I had this one guy in my life who would tell me he loved me regularly, but it’s was a word he used on his own terms. [7] Being told “I love you” when it’s convenient for them. He knew if he told me, I’d respond with, “I know” as usual. But on the few occasions I said it to him without being prompted by him first, he’d pull away for a few days as if I’d told him I have the plague. It was so much like clockwork that it became a joke with our friends: “Oh, I haven’t heard from so-and-so for a few days.” “You told him you loved him again?” “Yep. Although he told me he loved me a couple hours before, so I thought I was in the clear this time.

Lastly, [8] having to hear “I’m not looking for anything serious” over and over and over again. Yeah, dudes, I get it. You’re not looking for anything serious – unless you find that woman who looks like she’s been torn from the pages of Vogue and is willing to suck your junk 50 times a day. Oh, believe me, I get it. Groan. Eye roll. Groan.

I’m sure there are more, but these are mostly experienced by many girls out there. Share you encounters in the comment if you wanna.



#20somethingdating, #dating, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #life, #love, #modern-dating, #my-concepts, #relationships

You Don’t Just Get Over Someone Your Heart Was Invested In

You don’t just get over someone. It isn’t simple. And the phrase, “move on” is harder than it sounds.

Articles say, that in order to get over someone, it takes half of the time that you were together to fully move on. So if you were together for a year, you have six months. Three years, a year and a half. A month, two weeks. And so on and so forth.

So you mark the date on your calender. You buckle in for the ride towards healing that will ultimately end with you not caring about them anymore. You will move on, you will let them go, you will not dwell on it, you will not obsess, you will get over it and you’ll be fine. You tick each day off an metaphorical wall, counting down until the day when you’ll be better.

“I have 72 days and then I’ll be okay”

“In three more weeks, I will not miss you.”

“Tomorrow I will be fine.”

Been there, done that.

And the day came. The sun rose on that magical date when it’s been exactly half the length of your relationship, so now you will not hurt anymore. Now, today, you will not miss them. It’s the day when you will finally have moved on.

But… don’t

The truth is, some people end up hating, some people end up angry, some people end up forgetting but they don’t entirely get over it. And that’s because, that someone, is always going to be there. They’ll manage to pull you back in, like being sucked into a whirlpool. But we gradually find the strength to overcome that peculiar feeling to the point where they’re just there, to fill up the space.

I don’t believe that there is such a thing called ‘exit’ in loving someone. You stay in love with that person even if it has ended. Some people just cover it up with hate, anger or with another person.

But we all leave a tiny or even bigger pieces of ourselves to the people who we learned to love and we learn to love, and eventually we’ll always find our way back to those pieces because the feelings and the memories don’t just go away. Even if the person does.



#dating, #feelings, #frienddship, #hook-up-culture, #hookups, #life, #love, #my-concepts, #relationships, #thoughts

Life’s Too Short To Waste Your Time With People Who Only Give 50%.

If you’re anything like me, you’d go to the ends of the earth for the people you love, whether they’re friends, family or your other half. However, sometimes in life, it can be devastating to realize that you’re the only one in the relationship giving 100%.

It’s good to care about your loved ones and to show that care through your words and actions, but it’s also important to receive the same generosity in return. You can’t constantly give someone everything, whether it’s your time, energy or kindness, to only get something half-assed back. Life isn’t like that.

Imagine a relationship where you do all of the work. You’re the first to communicate, you always have to plan things to do with the other person, you drive to their house, you take them places, you carry the conversation, you’re completely there for them when they need you… but you never get anything back. Perhaps you don’t have to imagine because this is your reality.

When you are the one more invested, you listen closely for a ticking clock. You feel expiration date slapped across your forehead. You wonder if you just could get them to see your importance. That you, are not some fucking carton of milk to go bad. You are water. You are air, and energy. Everything they should value and appreciate. You’re necessity, not accessory. You will forget this as you try to convince your own worth.

Maybe they do not call when they say they will. Maybe they leave you waiting alone, outside the restaurant for 15 minutes. You will wonder if there’s a reason they are not as invested. Maybe you are just not a worthy investment. You will think about shutting down. Maybe the next time, you won’t allow yourself to fall so quickly and fearlessly.

It’s important to spend time with and invest in the people who love and care for you as much as you do for them. Sure, relationships take work and they’re not always perfect, but it’s the attitude we have towards them that matters. As long as both parties are ready and willing to compromise and do what it takes to make the other person happy, then the relationship will continue to survive and thrive.

Remember, you are always the water, and if they do not see that, they do not deserve to drink you.


#blog, #blogging, #dating, #feelings, #hookups, #life, #love, #my-concepts, #relationships, #thoughts, #wordpress

As You Cross Into 2018, If You Think You Need Your Boyfriend’s Phone Password, You Need A New Boyfriend (just saying.)

Checking up your boyfriend’s phone has been pretty normalized these days. Raise your hand if this sounds familiar. Been there, done that and I found something I didn’t like and I obsessed over it for days wondering whether that LOL was really just a friendly laugh.

In the world of smartphones, dating is a whole new game. We text instead of call. We find perfect matches with the swipe of our thumbs. We start (and end) relationships by pressing “send”. With the simple press of a button, you have access to everything your loved one does on their phone–every tweet, text, email, and phone call.

Sure, you’re curious. I was really really curious when I did at first. Needing to have his passwords and creep on his messages when he leaves the room is a huge red flag. I know! If you are currently fighting the ‘snooping disease’, you need to ask yourself these questions to see if it’s indicative of a much bigger issue:

  1. Is your relationship healthy? If you’re being totally honest with yourself, is your relationship with this guy a healthy one? Does he give you love and loyalty and do you give it back? My guess is there are some unresolved issues under there if you are paranoid about his phone and what he is doing. Maybe those issues are within yourself, or maybe they need to be worked out as a couple but don’t sweep them under the rug.
  2. Does he respect YOU? He does have a right to his own life and privacy, you also have a right to respect. If he is intentionally hiding things from you or being disrespectful to your relationship, don’t put up with that. At that point, is it really even worth stalking his messages? Just save yourself the time and dump him—use that energy for something meaningful and don’t waste it on a guy who sucks anyway.
  3. Are you worried about other girls that aren’t you? Be honest. It’s so easy to dream up the worst case scenario in your head when you see a pretty girl in a photo with your guy, but you can’t trust your emotions all the time. Do you have a real reason to be worried about that girl or are your insecurities just setting in? Reminder: If a guy’s serious about you, he’s serious about ONLY you. Take notes.
  4. Has he ever cheated? Does this guy have a past? Obviously, if he’s cheated on you (or anyone else for that matter) you’re going to have some trust issues. Maybe you’re reaching for your phone because you think he hasn’t changed. On the other hand, maybe you’re struggling to let go of the past and give him the chance to redeem himself.
  5. Is your gut trying to tell you something? Yes, we overreact sometimes, but women are also amazing at reading people. If you’re sure you’re not just overreacting to whatever he said or did, maybe your gut is trying to tell you something is off. You’re sitting here trying to figure out what really is going on and things just aren’t adding up, listen to that voice and get rid of him. Always try to use reason first, but if reason fails, your gut is always spot on.

  6.  If you’re worrying so much, have you consider maybe you’re in the wrong relationship? When it comes down to it, no matter why you’re feeling insecure about what your guy is doing, you shouldn’t have to worry about your relationship. If he truly loves you and is someone you should be with, he will prove it to you. You won’t worry about that girl co-worker or childhood friend and you’ll be okay when he goes out with the boys. Healthy relationships just aren’t high maintenance.


#blog, #blogger, #blogging, #break-ups, #dating, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #life, #love, #my-concepts, #relationships, #snooping-game