Honestly, If This Isn’t Going Anywhere, It Certainly Isn’t going To Your Bed.

Okay. We’ve been talking. First date happens – you take me for a dinner, buy me flowers and we have a great night together. Then it gets to the moment when we’re getting ready to call it a night. If you’re thinking to yourself, ” I did everything right, she’s definitely going to let me in her bedroom or she’s definitely going to let me take her to my bedroom,” think again!

After one date, you haven’t proven yourself enough to get to see this girl’s lingerie. If this thing between us isn’t going anywhere, it’s definitely not going to your bed or mine.

Why you may ask?

Because, I’ve been there and done that. I have had my share of one-night stand, drunken hook-ups, and the walk of shame back home. I’ve had my fun and now I’m looking to be more forward with someone seriously. Definitely not looking for the next booty call but you could look somewhere else.

I want you to chase me. What kind of a girl doesn’t enjoy a guy she likes chasing her? (not literally of course). But I won’t lie. I’m much more into a guy when he acts mysterious or doesn’t just give in to what I want him to do. Therefore I’m not just going to give into what you want me to do either. I’m going to make you work for it because I want you to earn it. I want to know that when I tell you no, you aren’t going to go find someone easier. If you work for it and finally get it, you enjoy it more, right?

Then, I just value myself. Let me be clear. I’m not saying that if you sleep with a guy on the first date that you don’t value yourself. Like I said, been there, done that. But it’s a strictly personal thing now. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m now finally done just sleeping with guys because I’m insecure and think that it will make them like me more. I know who I am and I know what I want. If you want to get in my pants then you’ll respect that.

I’m also just now learning to open up emotionally. It’s been a long road for me to learn how to open up to people, men in particular. I was the girl who masked my inability to be vulnerable by just being physical. After all, if we’re ‘getting it on’ we can’t talk about personal stuff right? However, I’ve grown up a lot and now I’m at that point in my life where if I want to be with you, I also want you to be able to handle everything I’ve been through. I want to have the emotional side too, not just physicality.

In short. I’m just done with BS.

#LiveandLearn

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People Don’t Talk Much About Sex…But I do. So, Here’s What Sex Is For Me.

Sex might be a strictly physical activity for some people, but not for me. I can’t hook up with just anyone and I can’t just walk away once I’ve slept with someone. In my life, sex is more emotional than it is physical.

I don’t think I have ever had meaningless sex. Every person I have slept with, I’m 100% sure I was attracted to them. Sex just isn’t appealing if it doesn’t mean something. Modern dating might be all about keeping things casual, but that doesn’t for me and I’m not going to change myself just to conform to society. I’m a relationship girl. I don’t want random hookups or friends with benefits. The only man I want in my bed is one I truly care about. I want him to mean something and vice versa.

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For me, sex is an expression of love. That’s how I feel and I’m entitled to my own opinion. Maybe some people can have sex without being in love with someone and more power to them, but that’s just not me. In my life, sex is the was I physically express my love and it always will be.

And like I said before, I have to be emotionally attracted to be turned on physically by him. If I don’t have feelings for a guy then no matter how hot he is, i just don’t feel that sense of arousal. I know that a lot of people maybe even most people don’t feel that way, but at the end of the day, my point of arousal is directly related to emotions and not physical attributes.

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Also, I have realized sex makes breakups so much harder. Every person I’ve slept with I also had a serious relationship with. I gave them my heart and my body and I don’t take that lightly, so my breakups that involved sex were a lot harder to get over. It was hard for me to accept that I had given all of myself to someone and then was eventually rejected. I can’t just brush it off. For me, sex intensifies everything.

And come on, if I don’t feel good on the inside, it definitely won’t feel good on the outside. The truth is, my body just rejects physical acts with a man I don’t have real feelings for. I need to feel good about not only who he is, but also how I feel about him. Before we jump into bed, I want to take the time to make sure my heart is ready because if it’s not, the whole sexual encounter is just going to feel wrong.

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He needs to also be attracted for who I am and not just my body. I’m hell of a lot more than just a pretty face and I have a lot mote potential than being good in bed. I want someone to be with me because they fell in love with my personality not because of how I am in the sack. I’m funny, sarcastic, smart and sassy. I’m so much more than a warm body and I deserve a man who sees that.

And the stronger my feelings are for a man, the better the sex we have. At the beginning of a relationship, when I’m falling in love with a man, the sex is mind-blowing. We’re connected emotionally and that allows us to connect better physically. When a relationship is headed towards the end, though, the sex changes. I don’t feel as satisfied because we’re losing our connection.

 

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Sex is a serious relationship step for me. It’s not just casual and expected. No man should expect sex from me just because we’re dating. I want my heart to catch before my body goes too far because having a sexual relationship with someone only increases my attachment and affection for them. It makes everything more serious because at its core is an emotional connection stronger than a physical one.

But what’s most important. I’m not going out in the world looking for good sex. I’m looking for love. That’s the goal here. I don’t just want good a sexual partner, I want something that means a lot more – true love and companionship.

 

#liveandlearn

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My Era of Sleeping With Unconscious Bad Boys is Over.

 

I’m not going to lie, I’ve always had a super soft spot for the ‘bad boy’…the seemingly unobtainable man who enjoys playing women like there’s no tomorrow…the man who I know claims he doesn’t want a relationship, so he’s even more appealing to me because it means I don’t have to feel vulnerable and be truly seen in my everything-ness by him. It’s always been the safe option.

And let’s be honest ladies, these men are always so fucking hot. And they know how to fuck. And yes my pussy loves it at the time, but my heart is often left feeling empty. My heart yearns for more. More honouring. More love. More Goddess worship. It’s about time I listen to my heart.

So I’m making a choice to put a stop to my bad boy addiction and I’m pulling in the reigns once and for all. Because yes, I’m worth more than just another woman. I’m fucking Goddess and I want to be treated like one every single day. 

Recently I was reminded that when a man fucks a woman, he enters her not just with his cock, but with his entire consciousness. Energetically we receive every man we fuck into every cell in our body…we receive their vibration into our hearts and consciousness, and take on whatever is going on for that man in that moment in his life. Urggggggggg….

Reality Check!

Luckily this timely reminder has prompted me to set some very clear boundaries around who I fuck, and I now find myself asking some following questions prior to jumping into bed with a new lover. 

Firstly, whether they’re a one-night stand, a casual lover or a new partner, I will not accept anything less than utmost respect, presence, love and authenticity.

Are they open to deep intimacy, connection and passion? Can they be present, truly present, and allow for whatever arises when we are together? Can they fuck me senseless whilst also holding space and penetrating me with their consciousness?

Nope, I’m definitely not seeking some crazy airy fairy hippy tantric guru spiritual guy…I’m simply asking for real men who want genuine connection, honesty and conscious fucking and relating. 

This shit counts, it counts because no woman should put up with anything other than the above. Every woman should demand the Goddess treatment and know that they fucking deserve it. Women, own your Goddess. Demand the love, respect and integrity you deserve and fuck your conscious men to your heart’s content.

#LiveandLearn

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Photo from my Instagram Page

 

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The Girl Who Filled Her Heart With Pickup Lines.

She dated whoever offered her affection; that jackass who told her he loved her, that player who told her she was the one, or the lonely guy who filled her head with ‘pickup lines’.

She never went to an event unaccompanied, her smile never faded and her heart was never empty, but rather it was full of all the wrong things. Cheesy lines and empty promises. 

She attracted the ‘bad boys’. These are the men she enjoyed being around with. These are the men who filled her heart.

She  would take what was offered to her. She couldn’t stand the feeling of an empty heart any longer. She knew nothing was long term, she knew all the compliments were based on her outside, she knew the promises were only spoken to receive whatever they wanted out of the relationship. She would rather go through all those broken relationships than lack the feeling of warmth form a lover’s comfort. She would live off meaningless kisses, lustful touches and cold embraces.

She was not promiscuous, she was weak. 

She was just in search for someone to love her back. 

Maybe one day!

#LiveandLearn

 

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Who wrote the book on goodbye?

“Who wrote the book on goodbye? It’s never been a way to make things easy…..either your head or your heart, you set the other on fire ” – LAUV

I mostly say goodbye when I don’t really mean it then come crawling back a week later when I can’t stand the silence anymore. I never say a complete goodbye. I can’t let go of the past that easily. No matter how bad it was. I know this about myself for sure. This mostly happens when it comes to the L.O.V.E

Anyone who has the same disease?

Well, here is my own of realization…..

The more you keep holding on, the more you destroy yourself because you expect something from someone who might have already let go. You need to let go of what you thought the relationship SHOULD have been like….because it didn’t end up that way…that’s not going to ever happen, so you need to let it go and stop thinking about it. You need to decide that you saying goodbye. It’s not enough to just think in your head, ‘okay this is over, time to move on’ but you have to actively work and work and work on saying goodbye. You need to say goodbye for you and not for him. You need to decide that the relationship is completely 100% over. And not just on his end but on your end too.

It’s actually rather comical that this realization came so close to the new year. And at the end of the year which sucked the life out of me. (2016 can go suck it). but hey, you need to decide…today…if not today, when you are ready. You need to officially turn the page on a chapter of your life and realize that you live this life just for you. This is what happens when you’re in your early twenties. People come and go as they please. People are selfish in a world I’m trying to be selfless. So it’s time for me to be selfish too and say goodbye to all that happened in 2016 for my own health and well being.

sometimes you have to go trade your heart for bones to know (My favorite quote this year!)

#LiveandLearn

Listen to this two song please – LAUV!

 

 

 

 

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Dickmatized

Okay! first, dickmatized is when a woman is mesmerized by a man’s great sex and can’t see past the penis.

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Dick, so bomb

It has to be, to make all these crazy females run after he. To make it hard for a girl to realize that she is an amazing being who doesn’t need a male for her to be all irrational, acting crazy. 

Dick must be bomb.

It has to be, to have you late night stressing because he missed a text. He has you thinking about who will be next, because he playing too much games with the opposite sex. He plays you for a fool, with the pool of women you know he be in. 

Dick got more games than a PlayStation…LOL!

You’re just patient unwilling to know what kind of love you deserve. You rather be swerved by a nigga who’s unnerved, who doesn’t show you all the love you deserve. You don’t even care as long as you in a salon getting your weave sewn and your nails filed on. 

Maybe that’s how you always got a smile painted on, and maybe once a week he’ll dick you down like he suppose to have you speaking foreign if he has to.

And all is good until it’s movie night at your house and it’s 3a.m and his phone rings off the hook, it’s probably one of his side chicks. You don’t care as long as you’re the main chick, the one he spends most of his time with…

One day you’ll see you wasted your time……

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Ladies, don’t forget that even though you may be under the spell of the BEST DICK IN YOUR LIFE, remember that you do have something more powerful between your thighs. Don’t let being dickmatized make you into a sucker (No pun intended). Get yourself together and see what’s going on, is it worth it?

In response to Today’s Daily Prompt: Anticipation

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If you’re desperate to date, you should probably stay single.

Not being raised by a mother for a girl child is tough. It was really tough on me that I thought all the mistake I did growing up was because I had no one to talk to, no one to tell my troubles, no one to cry to, and no one to play that motherly role because only a she can understand her child. Yes, my father was around but never talked about anything other than Education. He raised me to be scared of him and for that, I preferred to keep things to myself. Bottle them up inside me and act on them by doing what I had to do.

I craved for someone to show me the love I was missing, any kind of love that I fell for any boy that came my way because I wanted the void of loneliness to disappear. As long as he was interested in me, I gave my all and I would do anything, even sacrifice my own life, my dreams, my morals and my family for that human.

Years down my path, here’s what I realized about being too desperate for love;

1. I was lonely. I already said that. And it really sucked but now I know that being alone is awesome! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want. I realized that I can create myself more when am at peace….alone!

2. I thought I could use a guy as a substitute for finding joy within myself because I was always unhappy on my own. It’s cheesy but true. But I realized I needed to love myself before truly loving someone else. If I make myself happy first, I won’t need to go looking for happiness in dates. They might as well be actually attracted to my secure sense of self.

3. I knew deep down that dating random guys wasn’t the answer but I did it anyways even though it never made me feel better. I simply reached out to anything that made me happy, a quick fix! 

4. I was trying to fill a void. I thought maybe it’s because of what an ex had left there or like I said, I had my own issues but I realized the void wouldn’t exist if I were a complete person on my own. Unfortunately no guy will ever solve the problem, and it’s really difficult to maintain a romantic relationship when you’re missing an essential piece of your soul.

5. Dating was more of a distraction. I thought I needed to take my mind off my latest breakups, or work stress, or family problems. What better way to do this that to go hook up with a random, or go on a date with someone your barely know? It’s was distractive for a while….but it never made the original issue disappear.

6. I realized that if I don’t take time out to get introspective about what I want and need, nothing will change. I will make the same mistakes over and over again, and attract the same guys for all the wrong reasons. It’ll be like the love life version of Groundhog Day. Make some changes, and stay single even though you can hardly stand it. 

7. I also realized that impatience to date leads to poor choices. I rushed to jump into bed and regretted it, among other things. One should always wait until it felt right instead of just following the horny desires. I knew I wasn’t going to get satisfying sex if I simply picked the first dude who strolls by.

8. Truth be told, people can smell desperation from a mile away. Once a dude realizes that you are needy and you keep trying hard, he will use you. You’ll only be attracting shitty guys with way.

9. I also realized that there’s a reason people find love when they aren’t looking for it in the least. It’s because they have taken the time to develop happiness on their own. It’s not about being incomplete without a partner. It’s about finding completion and then another complete person to walk alongside you, both standing tall.

Hope some of you will agree with me on this. Leave a comment if you do!


#LiveandLearn

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