Sex Won’t Keep Him

Sleeping with him won’t make him stay. At least not the way you want him to anyway. Even when it’s 3 am and all you want is to feel his skin against yours like an addict aches for his drugs, don’t do it. You have been there before.

I’ve met many women who have had sex with men thinking that they would keep them. Thinking that by some miracle it will bring him closer to her. This is an honest mistake that women and probably men too, make, however, I’m speaking from the female perspective on this one. Sorry boys. Some men can be deceiving. They treat you nice, tell you all that you want to hear. They drip honey into your ears. They know how to get into your panties. They have become so good at it, that they can have you drop them as quickly as they drop you after you give up the goodies. This fucking sucks! By then you’re probably head over heals for him. 

This is one of the worst things that can happen to your self confidence. You are probably all in your head thinking about what you did wrong. “Was I not good in bed. Am I not good enough” Stop it right there. Babe, you didn’t do anything wrong. He just didn’t care about your feelings.

You see, someone who cares about you won’t use you in that way. He will respect you and be his true authentic self around you. He will give you the honest choice to make the decision to sleep with him. No gimmicks, no sweet talk, and none of the bullshit he puts on to get pussy. That’s the honest truth. Also, remember that men are much better at living in the moment than women.

When the right man comes along, he will respect you. He will respect your choice to protect your heart and get to know him before you sleep with him. Your self love and worth would be good enough for him, and if you do sleep with him, it will be special. He will give you the choice to make that decision based on his true intentions and that is an man worth fighting for. Do you agree?

#liveandlearn

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#20somethingdating, #being-in-your-twenties, #dating, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #my-concepts, #sex, #sex-talk, #teensex, #thoughts-and-feelings, #twenties-love

When Times Are Rough, I Convince Myself Otherwise – (To Those Who Might Need A Reminder)

You know what? The world is so goddamn beautiful. It is so absolutely wonderful and mesmerizing and extraordinary. And so are you.

I know life gets a little difficult to deal with sometimes. I know times get rough and things seem to crash down on us, leaving us hopeless and absolutely scared; but you know what? That’s the reality of life. Pain is inevitable. We’re all going to get our hearts broken. We’re all going to get saddened to the point where we think we’ve got nowhere to go. We’re all going to cry tears that could form waterfalls. We’re all going to drown, one point or another.

But here’s the thing. There’s another truth of life that many of us seem to ignore and forget. Happiness is a choice.

See, we’re all going to be sad. Okay. Makes sense, right? It’s just how the world works. It’s just how life works. But what about being happy? We get to decide if we want to get back up when we fall. We get to decide if we want to wipe our tears and put a smile on our face while facing our demons. We get to decide if we choose to make more out of life than what we get. We get to decide on happiness or on pain.

And I’m telling you – I’m reminding you – to make the right choice. Choosing happiness seems like the obvious decision, yet so many of us forget to make this choice. So here I am, telling you to be happy. I know, harder than it sounds. But you know what? It isn’t impossible, either.

To those of you who have fallen down, to those of you who feel as if you are drowning in a sea of sadness, listen to me when I say to get back up. Get back up and look at the world around you. Look at your life, and when I say look, I mean take a really close and good look at what you’ve got. Count the people who love you. Look at your past. How many tough times did you get through? How many times in the past had you thought you wouldn’t be able to survive the war you were fighting in? How many times have you proven yourself wrong?

Look at how far you’ve made it. Look at how many tears you’ve shed and look at how many battles you’ve won. Look at how many things you’ve endured and survived and look at how strong you’ve become. You are a fighter, you are a soldier who is winning the war of life. And you can’t give up now. I know there are days when you just want to give it all up, when all you can do is cry and scream into the air of emptiness and oblivion, but what hurts now probably won’t even matter in months from now, years from now. So look at how much you’ve gotten through in the past, and look forwards to the future. Imagine a beautiful future for yourself. Dare yourself to dream of a happy ending to this story of yours, dare yourself to believe that you find the happiness you are desperately seeking. 

Listen, I get it. You go through things during the day that eat at you, you feel things that gnaw at your heart and make you feel as if you’re breaking over and over again. But take a quick moment and just press PAUSE. What are you crying about? What are you sad about? Is what you’re so hyped up about really important? In some cases, the answer is yes. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one, maybe you’ve suffered a great loss. You can mourn, I understand. But make sure that you don’t stop living. And to those who become emotional over the small things and let these small things ruin your whole day, I’m telling you, I’m begging you, please stop. Stop torturing yourself. Stop getting caught up in things that won’t even matter in 24 hours. Stop getting caught up in emotions that unnecessarily tear you apart. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

Look at this world. Look at all the opportunities that are around you. Look at all that you can do, all that you can feel, all that you can be. The world is so much bigger than you realize, life is so much more than it seems like it is to you right now. So don’t you understand? You’ve got to smile. You’ve got to laugh. Listen to good music. Read a moving book. Watch a fantastic movie. Go out with your friends. Spend time with your family. Indulge yourself in your passions and your hobbies. Dance. Sing. Paint. Write. Live life the way it ought to be lived. Love yourself and love the ones around you; block out the negative emotions and let the positive vibes in only. And when you get sad, it’s okay – you’re only human. But remember, in the words of the wise Alfred and Bruce Wayne: “why do we fall? To learn to pick ourselves back up again.” So fall, but make sure to get back up. Never give up. Because this world is beautiful and this life is wonderful and there are so many reasons and ways to laugh and smile and be happy – and you deserve all of it. You deserve the world. Never forget that.

Just thought that this might be something people ought to remember on their bad days.

In Love With This World,

Doreen

#liveandlearn

#20-somethings, #bad-days, #life-talks, #motivation-talk, #my-concepts, #rough-days, #story-of-my-life, #twenties

If You Don’t Want Her Ugly, You Don’t Get Her Beautiful.

Love for so many people is only the sweet tingling feeling in the stomach. A delectable dish they can’t wait to taste and finish. An overrated job position that they have looked for all their life, and now when they have it they are like “it’s too much work!

It’s only sweetness, the kisses, the romance. And that’s how they would sum up love, a relationship. Then the responsibilities step in, the trying, the efforts, the adjusting, the compromising, the caring, the hoping, the understanding, the changing. These are only restrictions to someone who was only prepared for the good parts.

If you say you love someone and you treat them like shit for asking for your time, do you even know love? If you make her feel miserable for enjoying things she does, is it even love? If you make her feel that everyone else is way important than her, do you even love her? If you are not ready to understand that when you commit to someone it means sharing everything, good or bad, why are you even here?

It’s no longer just you, it is the two of you. It’s not about being free from her, it’s about being free together. It’s not about asking for space that you could fill in between, it’s about creating a space for the two of you. It’s not about not talking to other girls, it’s about doing everything you expect her to do for you. It’s not about sacrificing your life or passion for her, it’s about taking her along with hers. It’s not about losing friends or family for her, it is about making her feel that no one else could be to you what she is. 

It’s not prison you try to break free from, it’s not a trap and all the hideous words you would use. It’s a beautiful feeling that requires it’s own share of responsibilities and when you really really love someone, all of this comes as easy as the sweet tingling feeling int your stomach. If it’s too much for you, then be free of everything, if you don’t want her ugly, you don’t get her beautiful.

#liveandlearn

#20somethingdating, #being-in-your-twenties, #blog, #dating, #feelings, #love, #loving-her, #loving-others, #loving-someone, #my-concepts, #relationship, #thoughts-and-feelings, #truth-and-love, #twenties, #twentieslove

To The Love I Wasn’t Ready For, I’m Sorry

After my last relationship, the one that broke me the most, I decided to take a break from dating. I needed time alone. I needed to find myself again. Because with him, I lost myself. 

From being alone, I learned the lesson that the universe has been trying to teach me all along but I was too stubborn to listen.

I learned how to depend on myself. I realized that family doesn’t always mean love, and romance doesn’t mean forever. I learned that I better find a way to always make it on my own because my friends won’t help me and my prince charming won’t come save and my family won’t always be there. 

And as months went on, and I continued enjoying my own company, I met a guy. And we hit it off as friends, at least that’s what I thought. Soon, there was an ‘ I like you’ text from him then ‘I like you so so much’ then ‘cant we date’ text. This came after three months of friendship.

At this moment, I was 8 months single, and my girlfriends would tell me, ‘when will you ever know that you’re done with your ex if you don’t get into another relationship?’ ‘You’ve got a guy that likes and adores you so much’ ‘why don’t you date him and see where it leads to?’

It was so damn clear that he liked me very much. For the sake of my friends and their everyday advice, I agreed. 

‘Yes I will date you’ I replied a week later. 

This happened in November 2017. 

Through December, everything was good. We spent new years together and that’s when he told me, he loves me. But I couldn’t reply back. 

“I love you” has always been a difficult thing for me to say. It’s not that I’m incapable of loving people, but I didn’t grow up in an overly warm household and a lot of that probably rubbed off on me. My father was always distant even when he was right there in front of me, and sometimes all I wanted was for him to tell me that he loved me, to make me feel loved. It never happened, and I always felt like the unloved child of the bunch until I learned to start loving myself.

So when I get into relationships I’m almost never the first person to say “I love you,” even if I know I’m bat shit cray cray/head over heels for someone. It’s not great, I know, but I’m one of those people who just assumes that the other person knows how I feel already. I always do cute little things and drop subtle hints so they know I care. Actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

He continued with the ‘i love you’ texts and after every phone call and every time we parted ways from dates. I still never said it back. Not even once. 

January came and went. Then at the start of February, i called it quits.

I did that because, not only that saying ‘I love you’ has always been a difficult thing for me to say, but also, I realized that, I’m not ready to love again. 

At the moment, I want to keep working on me, to keep bettering myself, keep getting my life on track, completing all the things I want to do and becoming happy on my own. I want to fill in the blanks in my own life, I don’t want to turn to someone and have them fill in the blanks for me. I don’t want someone to come in and try to complete me because I want to be complete on my own.

Maybe one day, I will be ready to love again. But not today.

They say time heals everything, but unfortunately time had not fully taken its course to heal me and soon enough, my insecurities returned once again and my troubling past came back to haunt me.

In case you come across this post, I just want to say that I’m truly sorry I was not ready for you. I’m truly sorry that I was not able to accept the love you were more than willing to give me. I’m sorry for the apology I never gave you when I said I wasn’t ready for you. I’m sorry for providing no explanation for the sudden pain I might have caused you. 

Most of all I’m sorry for convincing myself I was ready to love again.

Before you came along, I was recovering. I was trying to understand how I could give my all to someone and it was still not enough for someone to stick around. I thought I finally had a grip on the understanding that perhaps you were the perfect solution to fix my problems. But you weren’t. 

#liveandlearn

#dating, #friendship, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #love, #love-life, #my-concepts, #relationships, #thoughts-and-feelings

Allowing Someone To Strip Away Your Freedom Is Not Going To make You Happy

We all know that, every relationship comes with its own sets of problems, compromise and occasional arguments, but when it’s too much, well it’s too much. If the good days aren’t out weighing the bad days, something is wrong.

Every relationship is going to differ when it comes to the amount of arguments per day, week or month and working through conflicts can even build a stronger relationship between two people. But when it gets to ‘being controlling’, then something is wrong.

And we ladies, have the tendency of making excuses for our controlling relationship. Our problem is that we begin to classify these controlling behaviors as “normal” in relationships. Because your best friend’s boyfriend is the same way, or your last boyfriend was much worse than your current boyfriend, so it’s totally normal. 

Are you really going to try to convince yourself that your boyfriend choosing whom you can and cannot hangout with is love? Is it actually cute when he says he doesn’t want you socializing with other guys because he just cares about you so much that he wants you all to himself?

If relationships were supposed to be a game, having rules and guidelines would make sense, but they’re not and it doesn’t.

If they are isolating you from people, friends and family, you have a problem. If they say things like, “you’re mine and only mine, forever”, there might be a problem. If you can’t go out and enjoy yourselves without getting in an argument by the end of the night, you have a problem. If your family and friends express concern over your relationship regularly, you most definitely have a problem. And when you start to ask yourself, “am i actually crazy, is it just me?” then your problem couldn’t be any more obvious.

You won’t realize how little freedom you have in your relationship until it’s too late and it’s already gone, I can promise you that… ‘Yes, I promise you that because I write from experience.’

Controlling and possessive behavior is not cute. This behavior can end up taking a turn for the worst and I’m sure none of us really want to stick around long enough to find out what happens next if you allow it to.

#liveandlearn

 

 

#abuse, #abusive, #controlling, #controlling-relationships, #love-and-relationships, #my-concepts, #relationships, #the-art-of-letting-go, #thoughts-and-feelings, #toxic, #toxic-people, #toxic-relationships, #writing

Things I Regularly Encounter When I Decide To Date

I try. I try really hard to still believe in this thing called ‘Love’ but the more I witness and personally experience in regards to dating and love, the more I realize that my pessimism is more than warranted.

So here are some things I regularly encounter:

When I first heard of [1] ghosting, I thought it was a rare phenomenon. Who were these awful, evil guys running around stringing women along, then dropping off the face of the earth? Were they raised by wolves. What is their problem? Then it happened to me one two many times. But the one I remember was a guy who swept me off my feet, charmed the pants off me for a year, then disappeared only to return a year later asking if I wanted to get together. WTF!!! I politely reminded him that he had ghosted me one year ago, he can get together with someone else.

Then there’s being [2] benched-you know, when you have to be the cause of another woman being benched. Although I have never being benched. What had happened was, a guy I liked told me: “I’m interested in both of you. But I’ve put things on hold with her to see where things go with you.” I’m sorry. WTF!! After an argument about what he was doing and him denying that he was benching her, that was the end. I’m assuming he went back to her – until he found someone else for whom he could bench her again.

I realized, [3] lying, especially when it comes to dating, love and relationships, is nothing new. But come the hell on! If you’re going to lie to me about where you were, what you were doing, and who you were with, cover your tracks! Don’t let yourself get tagged in an Instagram or Facebook photo. While I don’t advocate for lying, I can say that no woman would let herself get caught in a lie, because we’re smart enough to plan it all out properly!

So there I am texting a guy and then he just stops responding. For days. When I hear from him again, I get the whole, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see your texts because I wasn’t near my phone.” Oh, really? This is 2017 (it happened then); we’re all in some serious relationships with our phones and, boy, I saw you liking photos on IG and retweeting crap on Twitter, but go ahead and tell me again you didn’t see my texts. You straight-up [4] ignored me; at least own up to that crap.

On the flip side of being ignored, when I’ve decided that things aren’t working out with a guy, even if we’ve only dated a couple time, [5] I get called a whore for it. Sometimes a bitch. Me taking the high road to say I’m not interested, as opposed to ghosting, leads to me being insulted. And disgustingly, if I took the low road and ghosted them instead, I’d get the same response. It’s really hard for women to win in this dating game; we’re all a whore when we piss off a guy.

Then when love  starts to fade or few arguments here and there, shaking up the relationship a bit, [6] you’re passed over for someone “better”. When the wording of, “I met someone better for me” is thrown at you. Okay then, you met them, then leave. TF! You don’t have to be all up in my face with that.

I had this one guy in my life who would tell me he loved me regularly, but it’s was a word he used on his own terms. [7] Being told “I love you” when it’s convenient for them. He knew if he told me, I’d respond with, “I know” as usual. But on the few occasions I said it to him without being prompted by him first, he’d pull away for a few days as if I’d told him I have the plague. It was so much like clockwork that it became a joke with our friends: “Oh, I haven’t heard from so-and-so for a few days.” “You told him you loved him again?” “Yep. Although he told me he loved me a couple hours before, so I thought I was in the clear this time.

Lastly, [8] having to hear “I’m not looking for anything serious” over and over and over again. Yeah, dudes, I get it. You’re not looking for anything serious – unless you find that woman who looks like she’s been torn from the pages of Vogue and is willing to suck your junk 50 times a day. Oh, believe me, I get it. Groan. Eye roll. Groan.

I’m sure there are more, but these are mostly experienced by many girls out there. Share you encounters in the comment if you wanna.

#liveandlearn

 

#20somethingdating, #dating, #hookup-culture, #hookups, #life, #love, #modern-dating, #my-concepts, #relationships

You Don’t Just Get Over Someone Your Heart Was Invested In

You don’t just get over someone. It isn’t simple. And the phrase, “move on” is harder than it sounds.

Articles say, that in order to get over someone, it takes half of the time that you were together to fully move on. So if you were together for a year, you have six months. Three years, a year and a half. A month, two weeks. And so on and so forth.

So you mark the date on your calender. You buckle in for the ride towards healing that will ultimately end with you not caring about them anymore. You will move on, you will let them go, you will not dwell on it, you will not obsess, you will get over it and you’ll be fine. You tick each day off an metaphorical wall, counting down until the day when you’ll be better.

“I have 72 days and then I’ll be okay”

“In three more weeks, I will not miss you.”

“Tomorrow I will be fine.”

Been there, done that.

And the day came. The sun rose on that magical date when it’s been exactly half the length of your relationship, so now you will not hurt anymore. Now, today, you will not miss them. It’s the day when you will finally have moved on.

But…..you don’t

The truth is, some people end up hating, some people end up angry, some people end up forgetting but they don’t entirely get over it. And that’s because, that someone, is always going to be there. They’ll manage to pull you back in, like being sucked into a whirlpool. But we gradually find the strength to overcome that peculiar feeling to the point where they’re just there, to fill up the space.

I don’t believe that there is such a thing called ‘exit’ in loving someone. You stay in love with that person even if it has ended. Some people just cover it up with hate, anger or with another person.

But we all leave a tiny or even bigger pieces of ourselves to the people who we learned to love and we learn to love, and eventually we’ll always find our way back to those pieces because the feelings and the memories don’t just go away. Even if the person does.

#liveandlearn

 

#dating, #feelings, #frienddship, #hook-up-culture, #hookups, #life, #love, #my-concepts, #relationships, #thoughts