I Never Had “The Talk” With My Parents. But Somehow, I Figured Out About Puberty, Boys and Sex.

My parents, mostly my father, was and still is a fantastic human, who taught me so many important lessons to prepare me for my adult life. My mother was alive and around but family complications made it had for us to talk or see each other, until I was an adult.

My father has always been honest with me when I had questions or needed advice. As stubborn as I was growing up, I knew he was always in my corner—well, sometimes. However, when the topic of sex first came up when I was in  high school and he found a boy in my room, even though we were not doing anything, may father’s reaction was different. The conversation went silent, and never took root, even after, now that I’m 26 years old.

Sometimes, I wish I had someone who would’ve gotten through “the talk” with me to wash out the awkwardness about sex when growing up. Even though I figured it all out with time, it was difficult.

I don’t think I’m alone when I cringe thinking back on being 13, feeling awkward about asking questions. The worst part was it was never even comfortable asking whoever—teachers, aunties, older cousins, matrons (for someone who spent time in boarding school) or friends. Then during the holidays, when I got home with all the changes I saw on my body and no female figure to talk to, I had to figure it out. I didn’t know the basic about how my body works.

To be honest, I learned all about sex and birth control through Google. And I know I was not the only one.

But even with Google, since I didn’t talk about women’s bodies and stayed away from the topic of sex almost completely, I became ashamed of my body as I developed into a woman–all women have their own insecurities about their bodies and we take time to fall in love with ourselves). I even felt ashamed shopping for underwears with my friends, wearing a swimsuit or changing in front of them. I would always hide like as if I had something weird growing on me.

I had so many questions going through puberty about the changes that were happening and what it all meant for me. I was in high school before I had the courage to ask a friend about the basic female anatomy and never used a tampon simply because I was scared of my own body. I can only imagine how much easier things would’ve been if I would’ve known about my body.

I truly needed a role model because the internet and friends were terrible sources for important questions and issues in my life concerning puberty, boys and sexuality. I would have loved to hear my mother’s experiences and advice. I know we could’ve bonded through these experiences and she wouldn’t have needed to worry about me because I would’ve gone to her for everything.

Growing up, for me, sex was a bad thing. Before I broke my virginity. I always heard sex would defile me, give me diseases or get me pregnant. I heard the temptations of sexual relationships and how they would ruin my life if I got involved. The messages were meant to encourage me to wait until marriage to have a healthy sex life but instead, it directly connected sex to shame, no matter the circumstances, I began to believe that there was never a time or place to show my sexuality.

It got to a point, I thought there was something wrong with me. I found myself to be a very, very sexual person with whoever I was dating. And it drove me crazy, when I thought I was not getting enough from them. I never really interacted with any women who had a high sex drive or were very openly sensual, which made me think that these feelings made me unusual or messed up. It took me a long time to get through those feelings and embrace my sensual side.

I also was uncomfortable with affection. I wasn’t used to seeing my parents kiss, cuddle or hold hands (actually I NEVER saw that). So whenever I saw people doing it, it felt uncomfortable. I had a weird notion that adults don’t touch or show affection, as if it was somehow appropriate. Of course there are still limits to what is appropriate in public, but I was weireded out even if my friends parents were holding hands in public.

I still remember my first time to have sex…the tension, the anxiety, the nervousness (let that be a story for another day.)

When I have kids in the future, I want them to become adults gracefully and not be in the dark about their bodies or sexual relationships. With whom I will blessed to have as a husband, I hope that we will have the courage as a couple to be open with our kids about the beauty of our healthy sexual relationship and public affection. I want them to develop knowing that it isn’t shameful to be intimate with a spouse and they can come to us if they ever have questions or make mistakes. I can only hope that I can take any mistakes my parents made and turn them into a positive lesson with my children someday.

#LIVEANDLEARN

bad girl 3

Advertisements

Honestly, If This Isn’t Going Anywhere, It Certainly Isn’t going To Your Bed.

Okay. We’ve been talking. First date happens – you take me for a dinner, buy me flowers and we have a great night together. Then it gets to the moment when we’re getting ready to call it a night. If you’re thinking to yourself, ” I did everything right, she’s definitely going to let me in her bedroom or she’s definitely going to let me take her to my bedroom,” think again!

After one date, you haven’t proven yourself enough to get to see this girl’s lingerie. If this thing between us isn’t going anywhere, it’s definitely not going to your bed or mine.

Why you may ask?

Because, I’ve been there and done that. I have had my share of one-night stand, drunken hook-ups, and the walk of shame back home. I’ve had my fun and now I’m looking to be more forward with someone seriously. Definitely not looking for the next booty call but you could look somewhere else.

I want you to chase me. What kind of a girl doesn’t enjoy a guy she likes chasing her? (not literally of course). But I won’t lie. I’m much more into a guy when he acts mysterious or doesn’t just give in to what I want him to do. Therefore I’m not just going to give into what you want me to do either. I’m going to make you work for it because I want you to earn it. I want to know that when I tell you no, you aren’t going to go find someone easier. If you work for it and finally get it, you enjoy it more, right?

Then, I just value myself. Let me be clear. I’m not saying that if you sleep with a guy on the first date that you don’t value yourself. Like I said, been there, done that. But it’s a strictly personal thing now. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m now finally done just sleeping with guys because I’m insecure and think that it will make them like me more. I know who I am and I know what I want. If you want to get in my pants then you’ll respect that.

I’m also just now learning to open up emotionally. It’s been a long road for me to learn how to open up to people, men in particular. I was the girl who masked my inability to be vulnerable by just being physical. After all, if we’re ‘getting it on’ we can’t talk about personal stuff right? However, I’ve grown up a lot and now I’m at that point in my life where if I want to be with you, I also want you to be able to handle everything I’ve been through. I want to have the emotional side too, not just physicality.

In short. I’m just done with BS.

#LiveandLearn

black girls 8

People Don’t Talk Much About Sex…But I do. So, Here’s What Sex Is For Me.

Sex might be a strictly physical activity for some people, but not for me. I can’t hook up with just anyone and I can’t just walk away once I’ve slept with someone. In my life, sex is more emotional than it is physical.

I don’t think I have ever had meaningless sex. Every person I have slept with, I’m 100% sure I was attracted to them. Sex just isn’t appealing if it doesn’t mean something. Modern dating might be all about keeping things casual, but that doesn’t for me and I’m not going to change myself just to conform to society. I’m a relationship girl. I don’t want random hookups or friends with benefits. The only man I want in my bed is one I truly care about. I want him to mean something and vice versa.

gif 2

For me, sex is an expression of love. That’s how I feel and I’m entitled to my own opinion. Maybe some people can have sex without being in love with someone and more power to them, but that’s just not me. In my life, sex is the was I physically express my love and it always will be.

And like I said before, I have to be emotionally attracted to be turned on physically by him. If I don’t have feelings for a guy then no matter how hot he is, i just don’t feel that sense of arousal. I know that a lot of people maybe even most people don’t feel that way, but at the end of the day, my point of arousal is directly related to emotions and not physical attributes.

gif7

Also, I have realized sex makes breakups so much harder. Every person I’ve slept with I also had a serious relationship with. I gave them my heart and my body and I don’t take that lightly, so my breakups that involved sex were a lot harder to get over. It was hard for me to accept that I had given all of myself to someone and then was eventually rejected. I can’t just brush it off. For me, sex intensifies everything.

And come on, if I don’t feel good on the inside, it definitely won’t feel good on the outside. The truth is, my body just rejects physical acts with a man I don’t have real feelings for. I need to feel good about not only who he is, but also how I feel about him. Before we jump into bed, I want to take the time to make sure my heart is ready because if it’s not, the whole sexual encounter is just going to feel wrong.

gif 8

He needs to also be attracted for who I am and not just my body. I’m hell of a lot more than just a pretty face and I have a lot mote potential than being good in bed. I want someone to be with me because they fell in love with my personality not because of how I am in the sack. I’m funny, sarcastic, smart and sassy. I’m so much more than a warm body and I deserve a man who sees that.

And the stronger my feelings are for a man, the better the sex we have. At the beginning of a relationship, when I’m falling in love with a man, the sex is mind-blowing. We’re connected emotionally and that allows us to connect better physically. When a relationship is headed towards the end, though, the sex changes. I don’t feel as satisfied because we’re losing our connection.

 

gif 9

Sex is a serious relationship step for me. It’s not just casual and expected. No man should expect sex from me just because we’re dating. I want my heart to catch before my body goes too far because having a sexual relationship with someone only increases my attachment and affection for them. It makes everything more serious because at its core is an emotional connection stronger than a physical one.

But what’s most important. I’m not going out in the world looking for good sex. I’m looking for love. That’s the goal here. I don’t just want good a sexual partner, I want something that means a lot more – true love and companionship.

 

#liveandlearn

When I Show You My Nakedness, This is Exactly What I Mean.

Naked is letting you see me like no one else has.

All lights on.

It’s you seeing why I’m the way I am. It’s me giving you the key to this door that no one has been able to open. It’s the door to all the insecurities, fears, and regrets. It’s quitting the act; letting you see why I’m a little fucked up and knowingly show you what made me that way.

It’s me opening the legs of my soul and hoping you’ll make love, not fuck me over. It’s letting you see inside me: beyond the beauty, all the ugly. It’s ripping off bandages to unhealed wounds. It’s hoping you won’t hurt them more. It’s accepting that you may be the reason I bleed endlessly.

Naked is being pure when we’ve all sinned. Naked is open to judgment and criticism. My 4am confession to you is what it’s like being naked. “This is who I am and I’m in love with you” is being naked. No one gets this kind of naked anymore. We just take our clothes off.

#LiveandLearn

naked4

Dickmatized

Okay! first, dickmatized is when a woman is mesmerized by a man’s great sex and can’t see past the penis.

***

Dick, so bomb

It has to be, to make all these crazy females run after he. To make it hard for a girl to realize that she is an amazing being who doesn’t need a male for her to be all irrational, acting crazy. 

Dick must be bomb.

It has to be, to have you late night stressing because he missed a text. He has you thinking about who will be next, because he playing too much games with the opposite sex. He plays you for a fool, with the pool of women you know he be in. 

Dick got more games than a PlayStation…LOL!

You’re just patient unwilling to know what kind of love you deserve. You rather be swerved by a nigga who’s unnerved, who doesn’t show you all the love you deserve. You don’t even care as long as you in a salon getting your weave sewn and your nails filed on. 

Maybe that’s how you always got a smile painted on, and maybe once a week he’ll dick you down like he suppose to have you speaking foreign if he has to.

And all is good until it’s movie night at your house and it’s 3a.m and his phone rings off the hook, it’s probably one of his side chicks. You don’t care as long as you’re the main chick, the one he spends most of his time with…

One day you’ll see you wasted your time……

dickmatized2

***

Ladies, don’t forget that even though you may be under the spell of the BEST DICK IN YOUR LIFE, remember that you do have something more powerful between your thighs. Don’t let being dickmatized make you into a sucker (No pun intended). Get yourself together and see what’s going on, is it worth it?

In response to Today’s Daily Prompt: Anticipation

#LiveandLearn

Through Black and White Eyes

Before Bedtime thoughts.

Sex,

The same as gender.

The same as love.

The only difference is,

How it is being said.

Sex is only a word.

Yet it can strike someone down like lightning.

Sex is said to be paired with someone of the opposite sex.

That if that rule is not followed, that person is an outcast.

That sex can only be one way,

who are you to judge?

It might be just a word

But cuts deeper than a knife.

Lesbian, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender.

There are no difference than us; the straight.

People only see them through black and white eyes,

they ignore the color they bring.

Bright with joy, they each shine like the sun and moon.

They show love, pride and peace.

Yet like all brilliant lights, they eventually flicker and die.

They die

Because of what they believed to be right.

Because others didn’t agree.

Because others said no.

Because others called them freaks.

Because others said they were not allowed.

Suicide. Sadness. Emptiness.

It consumes their light and they lose the fight that they worked hard to achieve.

Because of what others see,

Through the black and white eyes.

We are not in a position to judge.


#LiveandLearn

My Conscious and I On My First Time.

Will it hurt?

Should I tell him am a Virgin?

Should there be foreplay?

Should I wash up first?

Should I wait for him to make the first move,

and undress me?

Fuck!

I shouldn’t do this!

Will I have the “Big-O?”

Like the girls in the movies?

Will he use a condom or not?

Fuck!

He should use a condom right?

I have never done this before?

Please ask me if I have.

Oh no! Why is he leaning towards me?

Why is his hands on my thigh?

Be normal. Act Normal. His your boyfriend, right? Your first.

and you love him, right? He loves you too.

Just kiss him. Am sure he will understand if you not ready.

You acting like if you have sex you’ll die.

We both know after this day, you will want more of him.

Kiss him.


In response to today’s Daily Prompt: panic

#LiveandLearn

Banging in silence…

Mature content! (sometimes my mind wonders a lot!)

Just a quickie!

***

The bell had just rang , it was their last period of school before summer starts. Jason was in the swimming team and he had just finished his training session for that day. Even though there was no swimming competition he preferred to waste time at the pool.

“Nice training”, She told him as he pulled himself out of the pool. She had come tell him that class is about to start.

“You know that’s what makes me sane babe”, he reply placing a kiss on her cheek. Then they both walked into the changing room. She was to wait outside but he dragged her in.

“What you doing? You know am not supposed to be in here?”

“It our anniversary, remember and since there’s no one here, you can come watch me shower as you tell me what you got planned for us”.

***

He walked out of the showers butt naked coming at her. She quickly passed him the towel but he dint take it. He moved closer to her.

“Come on Jason, you know you are wet and we’ve got class to attend”.

“This is my anniversary gift, I know you will never forget”, he said as he leaned towards her lips. Kissing her passionately. She wanted to resist but she knew he wouldn’t let her. Jason made her feel some type of way.

He grabbed her ass and pushed her against the wall.

“What if someone walks in?” She whispers.

“Nobody will as long as you are silent”, he said pulling her crop top off. “Just kiss me and don’t be too loud.”

It must have been a perfect day for her not to wear a bra. Her tits were not so big, so no one ever notices if she wore one or not. Jason squeezed her boobs gently till she let out a soft mourn.

He then turned her over, she was now facing the wall. He pulled her mini-skirt to her waist then pushed her panties to the side. With one hand in on her boobs, the other was in her pants finding her clit. She let out a sexy mourn when he found it. She was extremely horny.

Kissing her on her neck, squeezing her boob and flickering her clit made her juices flow out of her to his hand. He then told her to back her ass up and bend over so that he can slid in her. Reminding her to be silent.

Jason held her by her waist and gently inserted his dick. He kissed her on her back then started thrusting in and out at a quick pace. He knew she would be tempted to scream, so he covered her mouth with his hand, banging her in silence until he was on climax. He then pulled it out quickly and let his load on her back.

“You are naughty. But that’s why I love you”, She said wiping her self off.

This is in response to Daily Prompt: silence, passionate and together

#Creative writing

#LiveandLearn

Goodnight!

bathroom3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Get Over Your Fear Of Getting Eaten Out

Last night, I was watching a series, a young lady who enjoyed sex. She was a sex addict. Going to clubs, picking up guys just to have sex with them and suck their blood. Yes, it was a vampire series. But she hated pussy eaters. She would kick and suck the blood out of a man who tried to go down on her. Her thoughts were, “I hate when men do that. Isn’t sex enough?”. I don’t know what her problem was. Who doesn’t love men who go down on them?

This brought me to a thought, Why do some women have fear of getting eaten out?

Vaginas should come with instruction manual. Because my vagina did freak me out when I realized I had it. Wondering, what is it for? Why is it even there? What does it do? HA! Show me a girl whose vagina hasn’t freaked her the hell out on at least one occasion and I’ll show you a liar.

It’s for that reason that it can be extremely difficult to let someone else dive in head-first. Vaginas can be freaky. And mysterious. They play by their own rules.

How are you supposed to know what’s going on down there? Depending on how tall you are, your vagina is like miles away from your face. And you’re going to let another person get up close and personal without the slightest idea of what they’re getting into? You’re going to let them play with your pussy?

You’re damn right you are. And you’re going to like it. That’s a promise, not a threat. You gonna close your eyes, hold his head and direct him how you want to be eaten out. 

If you in a relationship and you’ve heard from your friends that getting eaten out feels amazing, but you’ve never experienced it for yourself. You don’t know what you’re missing. 

“Being eaten out feels like a lump of orgasm stuck in your throat, slowly sliding down to your chest, then your tits, then your stomach, then your hips, then your pussy, then your clit lips tongue until he licks it out of you. He awakens every sleeping nerve under your skin. Oh yea!”

If you are dating someone who knows what you’re missing and wants to show you. Then you will be able to describe how it felt in your own way. It shouldn’t take another person to make us feel OK about our bodies, but sometimes it does. Sometimes you need to have that “someone is between my legs with their mouth on my clit and they’re happy about it” moment to make you see the light. 

Thing is, you might have this hungry hungry hippo in front of you begging for a snack, you need to get out of your way and let them feed. But you know you are not prepared. So you start a convo with your conscious (fear).

“My vagina might smell.”

I would tell you that all vaginas smell like something. This isn’t a secret. If you’re dating someone who thinks women sweat out vanilla and strawberry, you have bigger problems that what your vagina smells like.

“…But it smells…bad. Like, kinda-fishy, walking around in a thong and tights all day, bad”

Go wash up really quick? There’s a big difference between fresh-out-the-shower vagina and just-got-home-from-the-gym vagina. Again, an adult will understand and appreciate if you need to freshen up before they get to feast.

“I haven’t shaved in god knows how long”.

So what? I know we walk around thinking that our pubes are the only pubes, and that our shaving routine is the only shaving routine, but give your dude some credit. He’s probably seen some shit. Besides, when his bobbing your head in and out enjoying that blow job, Is he always shaved? No shame in your game girl.

“It might hurt”

If someone’s going down on you and it hurts,tell him he’s doing it wrong. Unless you like pain. Tell him what would actually feel good. 

And if the guy you’re dating seems like he’d rather starve to death than eat your pussy, Its okay. You cannot force him. But if you’ve been poppin’ out blow jobs all day, all night, it’s only right you ask that the favor be returned. 

Remember not all guys like going down on girls. Communicate about it. Maybe he’s had bad experiences in the past. Maybe he’s afraid it’ll smell bad and he won’t want to embarrass you, thus suffering through unpleasurable dining. 

Talk about it. That’s why I prefer not to take sex too serious. If you and your man are open with each other the better. If there’s anyone you shouldn’t be sleeping with, though, it’s not the guy who doesn’t want to go down on you. 

Bon appetit! 

#LiveandLearn

Freaky Friday; Do Women Masturbate?

Good morning. Hope your Friday is better than mine. Just being thankful to be alive. So today I feel like it being a ‘freaky Friday’. Why? Because all my posts today will be about sex. Somethings that people don’t want to talk about. I will talk on their behalf. 

So let’s start with Masturbation.  Female Masturbation. Do we masturbate? OMGosh, Yes, Yes. We do! Women might not talk about it like men do but I will; and Yes we do. 

For starters according to Wikipedia, “Masturbation is the sexual stimulation of one’s own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure”. Wow that’s a lot to digest.

I remember when I was in High school, it was pornography videos going around showing each other the new sex position one desired or looking for explicit novels to read. High School was the home for all teenagers who were going through all these body changes and body maturity. We became more aware of our feelings and sexuality. Now, for the not-so obedient teenager that I was, I fell in the ‘naughty’ class and there was this pressure to read sexually explicit books and watching more of pornography. Somehow it excited us. And I can tell you for free that reading these books or watching pornography led to arousal and what biology calls stimulation. 

Masturbation is perfectly natural, safe, beneficial to our health in many areas. Some of you many agree to disagree. It allows us to explore different things that we like and ways we enjoy being touched. It gives us a better sense of our own bodies. There is nothing to be embarrassed or feel guilty about when it comes to self-pleasure.

women6

There are different ways for a woman to masturbate.  What works for one may not work as well for another.

Some women may choose to masturbate with their fingers by rubbing their clit, fingering themselves and brushing against their G- spot of combination of both. Some women massage one of their breast or squeeze their nipple with one hand while pleasuring herself down below with the other.

women 8

Some women only masturbate using vibrator and dildos which help bring you to a climax quickly. Personally, I love having an orgasm from having a vibrator on my clit. It’s electrifying, to say the least.

women5You can reach a clitoral orgasm by grinding yourself against something too. Some women may rub themselves against something soft like a pillow while others may like grinding against something hard like a the the edge of a table. 

women 10

Some women masturbate using water too. They allow the water from the tap in the tub to run down onto their clits or if they have a tub with jets in it they angle themselves above the jet and let the rushing stream of water spray them into an orgasm.

women11

Another thing that is nice is to have a removable shower head with adjustable speeds. You can take the shower head down and change the speed of the stream of the water spraying against you feels amazing and is sure to bring on the Big O; just be careful and make sure you don’t slip and fall.

There are tons of different ways to get yourself off; the possibilities are endless and the choice is yours to make. Masturbation is about pleasing yourself and that is what you have to do. If you want to. Find what works to please you and go fuck yourselves. Some times it’s good to masturbate. You find what amazes you during sex and you can always show him how to do it on you. The way you like it.

Images from google.

#LiveandLearn