Do Not Mistake Passion For Love. One Feeds You, The Other Leaves You Starving

There was a girl, she grew up different from the rest of the girls in her neighborhood. She would do everything that was forbidden just for the sake of the excitement she felt. She thought of herself as someone not ordinary, not basic. Not someone who would settle down for a mediocre life like the rest of the girls.

One day she faced a similar choice. Between a man who told her in most ordinary way, in a trembling voice, “I will always love you, I will never let you down.” And a man who pulled her close and whispered in her ears the most passionate words, “I will make your head spin. I will be mad, and you’ll be crazy in love.” 

Without doubt she chose the second man. And the first man, he had his heart broken by the only girl he ever loved.

The two of them left the town. They eloped in the middle of the night and made a house somewhere near the town. It had a mattress for bed, kitchen and a good fire. They spent many good days in that house, making love. But as reality settled down on the lovers, the fire didn’t burn so bright.

She realized to her horror that as the days passed, her life became that of an ordinary girl. There was no more thrill, no adventure. She started craving again for something bigger than herself, than her ordinary life. She started remaining sad, and the man said in his dreamy voice, “there’s no spark left in you” and left.

She came back to her town, and was surprisingly taken in by her parents. She had lost all hope, but something bad changed in her for good. 

One day , while returning from the market she saw the man who loved her. He saw her too. He had heard storied about her. She went out of her way to talk to him. He was kind, and still trembled a little. Then out of nowhere she said, “You are still kind to me, why?” 

“Because I loved you and I may always do even when you don’t.” 

She smiled and said, “do you know what I have learned? That passion is a good fire but love is a steady warmth. One burns out, the other takes you in on a cold day.” 

I have seen people give up food for booze, money for drugs. Humans, we, have a knack for self-destruction. I have seen them reject a lifetime kinda-love for a fleeting affair. It’s the everyday life, ain’t?



#blogging, #dating, #love, #lovelife, #marriage, #millennial-generation, #relationships, #short-story, #wordpress

SHORT STORY: No regrets

he kept driving, stepping on the gas pedal a little harder each mile.

“you scare me you know.”

“what do you mean?” he asked.

“the way you live life to the fullest, not a bit scared of death.”

“but think about it. If you died right now, would you say that you died happy, having accomplished most of what you want in life? would you die knowing you made people’s days better? would you die knowing you never let your team down when they needed you most? I do all of these crazy things to live my life to the max. Because if I died right this instant, I know I would be the happiest dead person under the dirt. Why would you waste your life? Of course we all have those days where we lay in bed and do nothing all day. But take every other day and use 100% of it. Take every person you meet and get to know 100% of them. If I died right this instant, I would know I died knowing that I completed my journey on earth, that I jumped through every open window, dealing with whatever I plunged into. I took every opportunity, good or bad, and did what I can with it. I made good choices and bad choices. I learned from every experience I had. So f I died right now, I would be okay. I would have no regrets for things I should’ve done.”

#blog, #death, #life, #life-lessons, #short-story, #wordpress, #wordpress-community, #writing

Nothing In The World Could Have Prepared Me For This Kind Of Love

I woke up screaming your name last night. Tears were streaming down my face and my body burned as if you were still touching it; god, I thought waking up would be better than being lost in my nightmares but even awake, I felt as if I was spinning into the hurricane that you were.

That was the most mesmerizing thing about you – you made me realize why storms were named after people. Because you were a storm yourself; you were cold to the point that my body shivered in your presence; your words always shook me the way thunder booms against the cracked sky; and your touch was lightning that electrified my every nerve.

You were a beautiful but a deadly anomaly and maybe that is why I always found myself drawn to you.

I always loved rain before I met you, but the tears that streamed down my face last night made me hate water altogether. Because rain reminded me of the storm that you were, and dreaming of you reminded me of your absence on this lonely bed.

I screamed your name for hours, hoping maybe you’d hear my cries from wherever you were, but how could I expect you to hear me now when you never even listened back when you were in this bed with me?

I wonder how it’s possible that even with you gone, the weather seems so incredibly turbulent.

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for this kind of love.



#20-somethings, #being-in-your-20s, #being-in-your-twenties, #blog, #love, #short-story, #shortstories, #soul-ties, #story, #toxic-love, #toxic-relationships, #toxic-soul-ties, #twenties-love, #twentieslove, #unhealthy-relationships

Short Story: 2:00A.M. Dreams (Part 2)

Continuation of my story of how I felt when I lost my friend in 2009. I dream of him sometimes and thought I should write it down. Click here for Part 1


I pulled myself up onto the bed and hugged him. I did not want to let him go. I wasn’t ready. “I love you” my voice was shaking and my throat hurt from all the screaming and crying. I lay there sobbing on his still chest trying my hardest to find his heartbeat in the melancholy silence.

Suddenly, I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. It was my best friend Ruth. She did not say anything. She just stood there, gazing pitifully into my eyes. I got up as she pulled me into her arms. “I’m so sorry” she whispered. That short cliche phrase caused an explosion in my chest. It was like a confirmation of what was happening and I just wasn’t ready to accept the truth.

‘No! this can’t be!” I cried still frozen in her hug. “I just can’t….I can’t do this without him.’

“I know it hurts…” her voice was very soothing. “But you can do it. We will do it together.”

When I met Antony, Ruth was always there when we had relationship issues. Yes, at some point in life, Antony and I dated.

“No…no” Every word was a struggle. “You don’t get it!” I cried.

“I do! I promise you that you’re strong enough to get through this. I know you loved him but he wouldn’t want to see you this way. He would want you to live on.” I could sense it was hurting her to see me this way. She slowly released me from her warm hug, back into the cold and bitter reality, taking a step back leaving me standing beside the metal hospital bed.

Once again, I gazed at Antony. I wanted to carve his face into my memory forever. His temp fade ragged black hair that when cut to perfection, made his dark eyes pop and sparkle like stars every time he saw me. His beautiful full lips that kissed me with so much love and tenderness, and his cute dimples every time he smiled at me. His big arms for a nineteen year old boy that kept me feeling safe in the darkest days and nights.

I can’t imagine not being able hearing his cute laugh, his sweet voice anymore. I will miss the goodnight calls and the morning texts. The way he used to pull me close and stare deep into my eyes. Those random hugs and kisses. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. When I was with him I felt like nothing else mattered.

I stood there motionless. For a second it was like time froze. The rain water from my braids was dripping down my spine. I could barely breathe from crying so much. The tears were still streaming down my face like tiny waterfalls and in my head, I kept replaying the moments I spent with him. Every flashback made me die a little more

How am I going to live without him? He was everything to me. He was my all.


#blog, #blogging, #creative, #creativewriting, #death, #dream, #dreams, #emotions, #life, #randomwriting, #relationships, #short-story, #shortstories, #wordpress, #wordpress-blogger

Short Story: 2:00A.M. Dreams

The pain was unbearable. It was like someone stabbed me with a sharp knife and they were twisting  it in the wound. I ran out into the cold rain. It was pouring but I didn’t care. I kept running and running.

I tried to escape from the cruel and painful reality that was holding me in its tight grip. I wanted to run into his hospital rooms to see that everything is okay….that everything I’ve been told was a lie and that he was alright. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and I could barely breathe.

I ran into the hospital, searching for familiar faces. I wanted to ask someone about where he was but there was no one at the reception and so I decided to look for him myself.

I ran through the hospital pushing through everyone. When I finally spotted Antony’s parents, I stopped. The sight of them made my heart ache. Mrs. Tunde was locked tight in her husband’s arms, weeping loudly on his shoulders while he just sobbed comforting her.

When he noticed me, he looked at me and moved gently to the side revealing a door which hid a room full of sorrow. They didn’t have to say anything and I knew. I walked carefully to the door and pushed it open hoping that he won’t be there but the door revealed a bed where he was laying so lifelessly.

My knees felt weak. I just about managed to get to his bed before crumbling to the ground. I grabbed his ice cold hand and squeezed it but it didn’t squeeze back.

I cried. “No! It can’t be!” I could barely say the words. It’s like they were almost trapped in my throat. I kept trying to convince myself that it was all just a scary nightmare and that when I wake up, he’d be sitting in front of me with his angelic smile.

“Wake up! Wake Up!” I screamed at myself and closed my eyes tightly but when I opened them, I was still there in the melancholic room with magnolia walls and white polystyrene ceiling. There was a small window opposite the door. The raindrops were sliding down the glass making it look like a scene from a movie that every broken heart knows.

That’s all it felt like to me. A movie. It couldn’t have all been real. Could it? I felt like I wasn’t even controlling my body. I felt like I was just watching from a distance with the rest of the audience.

To the left of the window was a white machine. A machine that once recorded his heartbeat and that was once beeping along to the rhythm of his pulse…but now it was completely silent. Next to the machine was a low metal-framed bed. I looked at his beautiful face again. He looked like he was just sleeping and it almost seemed as though he was smiling. He lay still, in the snowy white sheets. I sat there beside the bed, our fingers still interlocked.

“Antony…Don’t do this to me” I cried out. “You promised…”My voice broke. “You promised you’d always be there! That you would never leave me!”


I lost a friend in 2009. Car accident tragedy. I have never talked about it ever since. Last night, I dreamed about him and the story did not exactly happen like that in 2009, but it happened like that in the dream. His face was the one in the bed. And I woke up with tears in my eyes.

Since I have never talked about it, I will formulate short stories about my feeling then….about I felt when I lost him.. My emotions, My pain, His funeral, My final Goodbyes….We were really close.

Names changed though!


#death, #life, #love, #pain, #relationship, #short-story, #shortstories, #wordpress, #wordpress-blogger


Alex and I rekindle our friendship in December when on suspension through Facebook, exchanged numbers and since then we kept talking through calls and text messages. I kept postponing hooking up because of the situations at home. On the last weekend of January 2013, Monday Morning, my dad traveled to Bungoma for a week. I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted before he returned. Alex then invited me for house party at a friend’s house that Saturday night.

I threw on my skin tight blue cocktail dress with my black converse shoes. I was ready to let go that night, stress was building up and I could really use a drink. I tied my braids in a bun and did some very diva make up style before I left.

I took a cab to the party. Alex’s friend lived in the suburb neighborhoods in Nairobi, Kitusuru. I could hear music blasting all the way down the street. It felt like it was going to be a great night. I got out of the cab, paid the cab guy then walked up the drive way.

Was I late or what time did people start drinking? Some people were already blacked out. I was not even high. I looked at my phone clock, it was midnight. I walked into the kitchen and there she was. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a white button down shirt tucked in and a black and blue tie with white vans and a blue and black beanie. Of course, she looked beautiful just like I remembered. She looked up from her drink and smiled at me.

Nancy!” She called as she walked over to me. She was stunning. I don’t know why but my heart skipped a beat when she called my name. “Hi Alex” I said

“Is everything okay?” She hugged me. Once again sending shocks through my body. God! Why do I feel this way? I don’t understand. My thoughts.

“Do you wanna go somewhere more quiet?” Alex asked me grabbing my hand. I nodded my head and went with her but first she pulled out a half bottle of viceroy from a cabinet and put it under her arm.

We walked upstairs into the bathroom. Oh gosh what is happening Nancy. What are you getting yourself into? I thought to myself as I watched Alex close the door behind her and sat on the counter.

“So what have you been up to? We haven’t talked much since forever? What happened to you?” She asked as she poured a drink in her tumbler then handed it to me. ‘Take that shot!’

Truth be told, Alex and I used to friends back in Our Lady of Mercy Girl’s School in Busia. She was in form two when I joined form one. She was popular for being the best basketballer in school. When I joined, rumors were that she was lesbian and that she had a girlfriend in the upper class just because they were always together. I never dug for more information about her because I was a ‘fresher’. What do ‘freshers’ know apart from being bullied?

We kept in contact for a while after I transferred then later everyone moved on with their lives. We rekindle our friendship again after high school but some girl she was dating at that time broke up with her and Alex went spiraling downhill. She became a completely different person. And I couldn’t trust her anymore. So I cut her off.

“I’m fine. Life has been ups and downs but okay. The last time we talked you told me you were seeing a Kate! Right? You still together or you moved on?” I asked her as I sat on the edge of the sink then I took the viceroy shot.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       “Kate! Kate. That girl was something. We broke up three months ago. She was my longest relationship. Fuck!”She said as she looked at the closed door. I could see her eyes start to fill up with tears.

“Alex I’m sorry” I said as I got up to hug her. Realizing she was still hurt by Kate.

She wiped her eyes and smiled, “It’s all good, I will find someone better. Actually am here with a Jane. But it’s nothing serious.” She said as she looked up at me giving me a small smirk.

“Sorry that I hugged you.” I told her as I walked back over to the tub.

Nancy, its fine. It really is” Alex said as she walked over towards me. “Umm, Nancy, I’ve been meaning to tell you…” I cut her off.

“Alex let me just say that, first, you’ve known me for a while. Am still straight and I have been with boys. I’m not taken for now but yeah. We cannot be.” I said as I walked back over to the sink. Through the rekindling period, Alex had been flirting too much. I went with the flow hoping that we would not be meeting anytime soon. But there we were!

“Nancy, I’m sorry for what I’m about to do”. I went to turn around but that’s when it happened. I felt her lips press against my lips and her tongue slip into my mouth. Weirdly, I did not stop her. I kissed her back and grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. She moved her hands over my body and put me on to the sink. I wrapped my legs around her and began to kiss her neck. I grabbed her cornrows and yanked the down. She let out a soft moan. I could not help but smile.

“ALEX ARE YOU IN THERE?” We both froze.

“It’s Jane” Alex whispered.

I pushed Alex off me and quickly snapped back into reality. “I’m sorry Alex. I can’t do this”. I went to open the bathroom door but Jane beat me to it. She opened the door and right then you knew she was going to kill someone.

“Alex. What! What is going on? Why are you with that? “She said pointing at me.

“Jane I know it looks bad but let me….” She cut Alex off and continued to scream and yell at her till I stepped in.

“Jane, don’t blame Alex, It’s my fault. Okay” I defended Alex even though it was her fault.”So stop yelling and listen to your girlfriend for once.” I told Jane then walked past her.

“Am sorry Alex” I heard Jane say as I walked away from them.

“No Jane, you listen to me. It’s over. See what we had was never a relationship in the first place. Am sorry” Alex shouted. I think she shouted on purpose; for me to hear her.

I called a cab to take me home, looking at the clock in the car it was 3am. What! What a waste of a night. I thought to myself. As I got home, my phone vibrates a message from Alex. ‘You looked really good walking away. Hope you don’t mind finishing off where we started. Hope you got home safe.”

To be continued…..


#bad-romance, #ebook, #life, #love, #relationships, #same-love, #short-story, #shortstories

Sponsors/Sugar Daddies are killing a generation.

This article was shared on a what’s app group am in and I thought I should share as my Motivational Monday to the ladies and also for parents and students. Some refers to them as sponsors or sugar-daddies but they are killing our generation. 


After classes on a Friday me and my friends had gone to a popular joint in Westlands. Four older gentlemen came over to our table and offered us drinks (proper drinks – not the drinks we were used to). We agreed and over the next 2 months it was play and fun. They would invite us to the hotels and have fun with us. Pay us well which I now know is prostitution.

The guy I landed on was nothing short of rich and he gave me pocket money unlike my dad who gave me $40 a month, he would give me $200 ever two weeks. I could get all the shoes and clothes I wanted. I was lucky enough to move from the hostels near Chiromo to a one bedroom in Parklands. 

At this point my boyfriend who was in JKUAT University and his small credit gifts meant nothing. All the time he visited me, he bought me a bag of chips and cheap bracelet’s and once in a while I would get phone credit worth Ksh 100 compared to the Ksh. 2000 phone credit and a trip to coast with a new one bedroom house.This University ‘bae’ had to go. He was not at my level anymore. The decision came hard because dating someone for 2 years and dropping them without and explanation is hard but once you taste the good money nothing can stop you.

My friends had noticed the changes; missed classes, empty hostel room and as all good friends they told me to take care of myself.

After 9 months of happiness, the guy changed. He would only see me on weekends or send his driver to pick me up. His driver was a kind guy and through him I learned the hard truth. My new man was married and had a daughter my age, apparently I was not the only girl the driver would pick up. He and his friends from the club had been doing the routine around Langata and Westlands where evidently all university girls stream to over the weekends.

I was angry at myself but then again the 42′ inch Samsung TV was delivered to my place the following Monday with an apology from my ‘hubby’. As I had grown to know him, to say I was stupid and blind would be an understatement.

Not long after November 6th, I got ill and was admitted to hospital. It was nothing major, the doctors said I needed fluids and I was discharged. The medication prescribed worked against me and I got worse. So ‘My hubby’ sent me some cash and his driver dropped me at Nairobi Hospital, they did some tests and the results were nothing short of dismantling. I was 2 months pregnant and HIV positive

After breaking the news to the guy he took off and said I had been seeing someone else. The following day, 8 guys showed up at my house with a moving truck, at this point you realize there is no difference between you and a visitor. Out went my beautiful TV, Couch, Queen Size Bed, my tables and carpets. I was left with clothes and some pair of shoes to my name. No money. No dignity and a pregnancy that came with disease.

With the Ksh 3000 I had I went back home and my mother knew immediately I was with a child. My father hasn’t spoken to me since then, it’s been 2 years now. I’m still HIV positive. My son is still here and the 1 year I enjoyed life with a married man, I lost school time, I lost a boyfriend who is now working and another woman is enjoying what was to be mine. 

My girls let me tell you out right, no man will look at you when you’re HIV positive with a child even those who used to buy you 50 bob credit and the cheap bracelets. Many of you who are in my shoes, leave before your life becomes a wish. I wish someone had told me.

You call them sponsors, we called them sugar daddies. The media has made them popular. Most of my friends are gone. Some are really sick with HIV. Family members use me as a negative example. 

Women work hard. Get a man you can lift. Be thankful for what you have. Don’t be greedy.Stick to the 200 bob credit and watch it grow to 1000 bob and more.

My Advice – Ladies, please stop wearing your heart between your legs. Your happiness can be found there too. So, if you keep on this track it will become bottomless pit of despair. Stop dangling the key to ‘unhappiness’ in your lap. Take care!

Share widely.




#college, #fake-relationships, #health, #hiv, #life, #live-and-learn, #living, #married-men, #short-story, #students, #university, #wordpress-blogger, #wwwblogs